Senryu (Mom and dad divorce)
senryu contest32 total reviews
Comment from robina1978
The photo of a coffin matches well with your poem. It is a Senryu but a sad one. Dot on syllable count. Things like this happen: Dad runs off with the babysitter, Mum serves a life sentence-suicide? Best wishes for the prompt.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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The photo of a coffin matches well with your poem. It is a Senryu but a sad one. Dot on syllable count. Things like this happen: Dad runs off with the babysitter, Mum serves a life sentence-suicide? Best wishes for the prompt.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thank you Robina for the awesome review and generous stars.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, neonewman, you did an excellent job writing this senryu poem about the murderous heart of a wronged woman. I enjoyed reading this one.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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this is an excellent write, neonewman, you did an excellent job writing this senryu poem about the murderous heart of a wronged woman. I enjoyed reading this one.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thank you Sweetwoodjax for taking the time to view my work. I came close to winning with this one!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Rubylou
I like this play on words senryu. Of course mom feels rejected but oh what sweet revenge. LOL I wonder if she'll get parole.
Great image,
Rubylou
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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I like this play on words senryu. Of course mom feels rejected but oh what sweet revenge. LOL I wonder if she'll get parole.
Great image,
Rubylou
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Only with good behavior lol! Thank you Rubylou for this awesome review my friend!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi ...
You sure said an earful in just these few words! Tragically, it's true so often. Perfectly done! Loved it!
Wishing you the very best ...
Alan
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Hi ...
You sure said an earful in just these few words! Tragically, it's true so often. Perfectly done! Loved it!
Wishing you the very best ...
Alan
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Thank you for the awesome review my friend!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hmmmm....now did mom serve a virtual life sentence because her life has been taken away, or did mom do something to dad, and, perhaps babysitter to get put away???
Love it!
Rhonda
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Hmmmm....now did mom serve a virtual life sentence because her life has been taken away, or did mom do something to dad, and, perhaps babysitter to get put away???
Love it!
Rhonda
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2015
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Davisr,
I felt the desire to have her take revenge. But after reading all the reviews I feel it should be left up to the imagination of those viewing the piece. Thank you so much for the awesome review my friend.
God bless!
Steve
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Good choice to leave us to figure it our for ourselves!
Comment from robyn corum
This is a great senyru! I love this style of poetry and it's pretty rare for someone to actually impress me often, but here you have! I love it! AND all the tiny implications lying beneath. KUDOS!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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This is a great senyru! I love this style of poetry and it's pretty rare for someone to actually impress me often, but here you have! I love it! AND all the tiny implications lying beneath. KUDOS!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you Robyn Corum, this is a most welcomed, inspiring review my friend.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Deepmar
You sure have managed a senryu full of human emotion , it can't get any better than this .
If dad marries babysitter and mom serves life sentence all in present tense, who has been killed !! Lol
or maybe mom's life sentence is the fact that she has spent all those years with an idiot.
I think I could go on and on about your senryus .
Great job and good luck :)
Maria
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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You sure have managed a senryu full of human emotion , it can't get any better than this .
If dad marries babysitter and mom serves life sentence all in present tense, who has been killed !! Lol
or maybe mom's life sentence is the fact that she has spent all those years with an idiot.
I think I could go on and on about your senryus .
Great job and good luck :)
Maria
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you for this awesome review.
I had fun with particular piece!
God bless!
Steve
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You're very welcome! :)
Comment from Dawn Munro
HAHAHAHA _ I am trying to imagine this without the art work, and it's really quite easy. Mom has murdered dad, apparently! Quite funny, and very clever for this challenge and this form. I loved it!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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HAHAHAHA _ I am trying to imagine this without the art work, and it's really quite easy. Mom has murdered dad, apparently! Quite funny, and very clever for this challenge and this form. I loved it!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you for this awesome review.
I had fun with particular piece!
God bless!
Steve
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I'm grinning all over again, Steve. You are very welcome. :)
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LOL!
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LOL!
Comment from mermaids
The line Mom serves life sentence is powerful and brings up strong feelings and images. Your senryu form creates emotion and is true to life, your words tell a real story in poetic form.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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The line Mom serves life sentence is powerful and brings up strong feelings and images. Your senryu form creates emotion and is true to life, your words tell a real story in poetic form.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you mermaids for another awesome review. I came close to winning this one!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Eric1
Hi Steve, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, I love your sense of humour in those very acrid words, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Hi Steve, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, I love your sense of humour in those very acrid words, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you for this awesome review.
I had fun with particular piece!
God bless!
Steve
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You're welcome Steve.