A Mother's Tears
A mother's lament and victory.29 total reviews
Comment from Tessa Kay
Congratulations on third place. I never saw this poem, and I'm sorry I have no six left. It is so moving and written with emotion that has been clearly experienced.
All my best wishes that your son will stay on the road to recovery.
Thank you for sharing this part of your heart. :) Tessa
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
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Congratulations on third place. I never saw this poem, and I'm sorry I have no six left. It is so moving and written with emotion that has been clearly experienced.
All my best wishes that your son will stay on the road to recovery.
Thank you for sharing this part of your heart. :) Tessa
Comment Written 27-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2015
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Thank you, Tessa. Yes, it's a hard road for him. He just told me last night he's, on his medication again, and that's a blessing beyond measure. Thank you for your kind words,
Rhonda
Comment from azwildrosa
What a poem. Full of such sorrow and strength. That tough love can be a heart breaker. One many parents have to face. This is a powerful poem one that brings sadness but then happiness following in the end. This truly is a great read. Thank you much for sharing and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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What a poem. Full of such sorrow and strength. That tough love can be a heart breaker. One many parents have to face. This is a powerful poem one that brings sadness but then happiness following in the end. This truly is a great read. Thank you much for sharing and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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Thank you so much, what a beautiful review! I appreciate your compassionate response. I thank you, as well, for the six star rating. How wonderfully encouaging,
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from danpald
Prayers and love shows their power
Never does a mother's love really falter
May your son remain now strong
Still the path will be long
Always hold open the heart
Tough love is like you say "hell"
Still that love does have the effect
To save form eternal "hell" the one held now in check
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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Prayers and love shows their power
Never does a mother's love really falter
May your son remain now strong
Still the path will be long
Always hold open the heart
Tough love is like you say "hell"
Still that love does have the effect
To save form eternal "hell" the one held now in check
Comment Written 21-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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Wow, thank you. How beautifully put,
Rhonda
Comment from frogbook
Very wise and well said. I wish I could not identify but I felt as though I read my own story in the words. Only mine has not yet returned, so in that this also brought hope. Easy to see why this is in the poem of the month category. Deserving of a six but none at this point.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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Very wise and well said. I wish I could not identify but I felt as though I read my own story in the words. Only mine has not yet returned, so in that this also brought hope. Easy to see why this is in the poem of the month category. Deserving of a six but none at this point.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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That's okay, I run out of sixes pretty quickly myself. Unfortunately, my son comes and goes, and he's gone again. It hurts because he wants to call and talk, but I won't answer until he goes and gets help. He knows where and how to get it, but won't. I have to stand firm or I just enable him. I'm sure you understand. Thank you,
Rhonda
Comment from mfowler
My son's girlfriend killed herself because of mental illness but strangely it was because she wouldn't take medical drugs that she died. We fought tooth and nail to keep our son off weed before he succumbed to harder forms. I feel your pain but only understand it second hand. This poem deserves to be up there as it is so courageous and clear in its telling. You pull no punches, imbue it with insight and a mother's personal feelings and do it so well poetically. That couplet you bookend the poem with is sensational and perfect.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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My son's girlfriend killed herself because of mental illness but strangely it was because she wouldn't take medical drugs that she died. We fought tooth and nail to keep our son off weed before he succumbed to harder forms. I feel your pain but only understand it second hand. This poem deserves to be up there as it is so courageous and clear in its telling. You pull no punches, imbue it with insight and a mother's personal feelings and do it so well poetically. That couplet you bookend the poem with is sensational and perfect.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2015
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Wow, thank you so much for sharing your story. Joseph has, since my poem, slipped back away. He is not on his melds that he needs for mental illness. He's taken them since he was 12, and did so religiously until recently. He is 28, and his condition has deteriorated over the past year to year and a half. There for a while, he was doing so well, but I've done what I can. I will wait for him to resurface and until then, will continue to add my tears to the rest.
Thank you for your review and comments. They mean more than you can imagine,
Rhonda
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I'm so sorry for you, Rhonda. He is still your child despite his problems and you can't ever stop worrying about him. I want to recommend a great book by a famous Australian journalist called Ann Deveson. It's called 'Tell Me I'm Here'. It is available on Amazon. I read it fifteen years ago and it was the best thing I've ever read on mental health. Your son's story is a copy of the life she describes as she struggled to deal with her son's teenage schitzophrenia in times when mental health issues were never discussed and processes were far less in place to deal with them. Strangely, since I read her book, my life has crisscrossed with many people who deal with children with mental illness. This lady gave a talk about one of her books a couple of years back and I went along. Sadly she has seccumbed to Alzheimers. It's a riveting read.
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Thank you so much. I will definitely get it. Joseph tells me he's not on drugs, and I remind him that his drug of choice is untreated schizophrenia. He's so far out of touch with reality that his ex wife won't let him near his three year old son. The boy comes to my house so I get to see him, but there are just too many stories out there about what delusional people will do with small children. I will definitely read the book, and I appreciate the suggestion!
Comment from Jean Lutz
My heart rejoices with you. My prayer is that God will mold all of the broken pieces into his perfect plan. I've shed some of those same tears -- shards of a broken heart. Yet I know God has caught the tears and He is not finished yet.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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My heart rejoices with you. My prayer is that God will mold all of the broken pieces into his perfect plan. I've shed some of those same tears -- shards of a broken heart. Yet I know God has caught the tears and He is not finished yet.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015
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Thank you so much, Jean. This poem was more difficult to write than I had thought it would be. I can't begin to remember all the tears I've shed, and add that to all the other mothers ours there, there are oceans shed. Thanks for the wonderful six star review and the compassion. Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Commando
Greetings, my friend! It's plain, that "A Mother's Tears" was written from the heart. Mother's like you, "are the ingredients that made our Country great." Knowing now, that I was serving in your best interest, "makes the ache in my bones more bearable." Best wishes...and God bless!
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
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Greetings, my friend! It's plain, that "A Mother's Tears" was written from the heart. Mother's like you, "are the ingredients that made our Country great." Knowing now, that I was serving in your best interest, "makes the ache in my bones more bearable." Best wishes...and God bless!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015
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You are are a sweetheart! Thanks for the brilliant six star rating and the wonderful remarks. You are a hero.
Rhonda
Comment from Nan Beeson
Dear Rhonda: If I ever needed a six, I need it now....
In your beautiful, albeit heartbreaking poem, "A Mother's Tears" re your beloved son, you ask in both your first and last stanza, the question:
"Which shed more tears across the years,
Noah's flood, or a mother's tears? "
I feel capable of answering that question... Without giving away any of my son's past, will make it short and sweet. I deserted him when he was three...never forgot the look on his face. He looked like he went into shock...the reason most of you who know me know why....until his age of 58. He will sixty on October 26th, so that makes it 55 years for me. Over fifty years of tears...and then you ask, again,
"Which shed more across the years,
Noah's flood, or a mother's' tears?"
The answer again is, "The Mother."
Noah's flood only lasted from the place of his birth to the area of Mount Ararat, now known as modern Turkey. As far as how long the flood lasted? Only long enough to drown the hybrid giants like Goliath and offspring of these fallen angels who left their place their place of habitat in heaven against God's orders and came down to earth to impregnate the young maidens instead of being born from the bag of water from the mother's womb as God intended.
To make a long story short, that is not much of an area of water and not such a long time when compared to the expanse of the world wide flood. And even at that, it was the mother's tears that flooded it and with so many tears in it, it came became even saltier than before.
You are blessed, Rhonda, that your son walked 18 miles to see YOU, and in CHURCH. Any future tears you may happen to shed will be TEARS OF JOY....It took a lot of guts for you to write your story...and I admire you for it.
How truly blessed you did not have to wait another THIRTY OR FORTY YEARS TO SEE him again like I did. That proves how blessed you are and how merciful our God can be for his deserving children. I obviously did not deserve it and shed ocean fulls of tears as punishment.
Didn't mean to sound so morbid, but that is the story. No flood or depth of water can come near to the amount of tears a mother can shed for her child...My tears have been over for two years now, and the price of the tears was well worth it to have him back. I know he loves me and kisses me and tells me every day that he loves me. Perhaps this would have not nave been so, had I not shed those bucket-fulls of tears as have you. All I know is that I love my son more than any words cay express--So much that it is actually painful....and a small price of tears to have him back. I did not mean to hog in on your story, Rhonda. Just did not know how else to express myself in answering your question,
"Which shed more tears across the years,
Noah's flood, or a mother's tears? "
God Bless you, and He most certainly has...
I love you.
Nan:))
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2015
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Dear Rhonda: If I ever needed a six, I need it now....
In your beautiful, albeit heartbreaking poem, "A Mother's Tears" re your beloved son, you ask in both your first and last stanza, the question:
"Which shed more tears across the years,
Noah's flood, or a mother's tears? "
I feel capable of answering that question... Without giving away any of my son's past, will make it short and sweet. I deserted him when he was three...never forgot the look on his face. He looked like he went into shock...the reason most of you who know me know why....until his age of 58. He will sixty on October 26th, so that makes it 55 years for me. Over fifty years of tears...and then you ask, again,
"Which shed more across the years,
Noah's flood, or a mother's' tears?"
The answer again is, "The Mother."
Noah's flood only lasted from the place of his birth to the area of Mount Ararat, now known as modern Turkey. As far as how long the flood lasted? Only long enough to drown the hybrid giants like Goliath and offspring of these fallen angels who left their place their place of habitat in heaven against God's orders and came down to earth to impregnate the young maidens instead of being born from the bag of water from the mother's womb as God intended.
To make a long story short, that is not much of an area of water and not such a long time when compared to the expanse of the world wide flood. And even at that, it was the mother's tears that flooded it and with so many tears in it, it came became even saltier than before.
You are blessed, Rhonda, that your son walked 18 miles to see YOU, and in CHURCH. Any future tears you may happen to shed will be TEARS OF JOY....It took a lot of guts for you to write your story...and I admire you for it.
How truly blessed you did not have to wait another THIRTY OR FORTY YEARS TO SEE him again like I did. That proves how blessed you are and how merciful our God can be for his deserving children. I obviously did not deserve it and shed ocean fulls of tears as punishment.
Didn't mean to sound so morbid, but that is the story. No flood or depth of water can come near to the amount of tears a mother can shed for her child...My tears have been over for two years now, and the price of the tears was well worth it to have him back. I know he loves me and kisses me and tells me every day that he loves me. Perhaps this would have not nave been so, had I not shed those bucket-fulls of tears as have you. All I know is that I love my son more than any words cay express--So much that it is actually painful....and a small price of tears to have him back. I did not mean to hog in on your story, Rhonda. Just did not know how else to express myself in answering your question,
"Which shed more tears across the years,
Noah's flood, or a mother's tears? "
God Bless you, and He most certainly has...
I love you.
Nan:))
Comment Written 23-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2015
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Thank you, Nan, for the virtual 6 stars!
Thank you, also, for sharing your bittersweet story which, I know, had to be very hard to tell.
Like you, I feel I abandoned my son. He has disabilities due to his near death birth. He is on disability and has been since he was 12. He's mentally slow and had Bipolar with schizophrenia. None the less, he was married briefly and had a son which I had custody of for awhile.
Most of his life, even while married, he's lived with me. He's been very difficult to live with even when on his medication. He's capable of working simple jobs, but is terribly unreliable.
Recently, he decided to stop taking his medication, and so now lives in a fantasy world and has violent temper outbursts. It got to the point I couldn't live with him any more. I bought him a used truck because he went to live with a friend and they were moving people for money. Well, he managed to tick off all his friends and kept getting kicked out of everywhere until he was left living in his truck. He then sold it and gambled the money away. He was then living in the streets. His ex wife refuses to let him see his three year old son until he goes back on his meds.
I have cried and worried about how he is doing, and then he showed up in church and I burst out crying. He told me he has a job and is living at a friend's house. He's still unmedicated, and still living in his fantasy world, but at least for one day, I got to see my baby boy.
I do have another, younger, son who is a successful businessman, and an older daughter who is a lawyer and just had a baby (Liza Jane from my last poem). But I still worry about the one that was almost stillborn, and who, at 28 years old, still hasn't found his place in this world.
Thank you for sharing your story and mine. Love and hugs,
Rhonda
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Dear Rhonda:
Isn't it interesting how much our lives parallel in so many ways. First your Dad, and now one of your sons.
I had to share my story to let you know you were not alone in your grief and that I fully understood the pain you have endured and will continue to endure. That is why mothers are made of steel, otherwise they would melt at the first sign of the heat and unable to survive.
I fully understand how it feels to be abandoned by your son, since we would gladly give our lives for them and our hearts bleed for them instead...but such is the damage drugs and meds and that evil satan has on those who do not have the strength to fight him!
That is why we have to step in and let his finery darts hit us instead, since it would be too painful for our child to have to.
Your scenario is even harder for you to bear than mine. It seems there is no way of taking it under control, it is so insidious and calculating, hoping to break us and leave us helpless to help our child. He wants us to lose or faith in God and fall into his trap and web of deceit and possibly get us on rugs or alcohol in order to be able to cope. I chord meds, but they were just as harmful.
It is hard for me to listen to what you say and not cry... I cannot imagine the combination of being Bipolar with schizophrenia. It's a wonder someone married him in his condition, and layed the burden of your grandson on your shoulders. How hard it must have been for you! It must be doubly hard on you with him living with you, and having to watch your "P's and "Q's like walking on eggs...I know the feeling, but else can we do? Bite ojr lipe and trh not to feel gjiltyh. I alwash felt ghiltyh but mu son told me in his later years tht it was just the wa he was and that me or his Dad had nothing to do with his going astray. It was comforting and eased the pain a bit, but it still remained along with the guilt.
Ooooh, you mean it is worse when he goes off the meds! Living in his
fantasy world would be hard enough to cope with, but a "violent tem outbursts." You are fortunate he never struck you, not being in his right mind! It got to the point I couldn't live with him any more. I think it was wise of you to buy him that sued truck, and he felt he owned somehtng and probably even thought he was taking care of himself.
Am sad to say I also experienced the part where he managed to tick off all his friends and kept getting kicked out of everywhere until he was left living in his truck. Sounds like my brother. Mine also gambled the money away besides being an alcoholic and on heavy drugs and possibility of overdosing. My shell-shocked brother did not have to worry about divorcing his wife or his kids because they all four of them died a horrible death at a very early age from that horrible disease, worse than death, " Huntington Korea." Many victis committed suicide rather than face the hrrrible effect of it. I think my niee was under constant wathc and still died by swallowing her tongue...etc. etc. on the other two...One being foujnd dead in a trail and god only knows the horrible end of gambling by getting revenge by the card sharks. what happened to the other one.
O think his ex wife showed "tough love" when she refused to let him see his three year old son until he goes back on his meds.
His showing was an unexpected blessing. I don't know how you could have kept from crying. At least he told you where he is living and that he has a job.He told me he has a job and is living at a friend's house. My son didn't
had any friends left and give a hoot whiter he lived or died in the streets. Like you say, that although he is still unmediated, and still living in his fantasy world, but at least for one day, you got to see your baby boy. They will always be our baby boys even when they have a 23 year od in college and one that just turned 18, and you of course you already know about Michael who just turned fifteen. Thank God they are all free of that curse and on their own and managing better than I ever could have under the curse of drugs and alcohol and even nicotine harmless as some think.
What a blessing you have another younger son who turned out to be is a successful businessman at such an early age, and did you say and an older daughter who is a LAWYER and blessed you with tht blessed baby "Liza Jane" from your last poem, remember it and how adorable she was on her first day of life!
Yes, Rhonda, there is still hope with your little boy who is now 28, when you realize nine was 58! and now the very joy of my life!
God has a way of turning things around if we are patient and when you least expect it like I did when 5 year old baby son coming back home to live with me, albeit because I was the only one who would take him in, along with his cat bandit and bird, Rainbow. He was more concerned about them, than himself. And I am ever so grateful I did. It makes all the suffering in the past seem obsolete and just so happy to see his face and smile every morning and to hear him say "Mom, I love You," every single day for the past two hears he had been here with me.
Thank you for having the guts to share your story also -- and it so great to know someone understands.
Love and hugs back to you in a hurry.
Your friend,
Nan:))
Comment from boxergirl
No stronger emotional outpouring than that of a mother or father for a prodigal son. As you know, it is a day at a time and I am thankful he had a good day today. Hugs and prayers for many more..
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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No stronger emotional outpouring than that of a mother or father for a prodigal son. As you know, it is a day at a time and I am thankful he had a good day today. Hugs and prayers for many more..
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thank you so much, that is very sweet! Yes, one day at a time...I'm afraid he's following in my father's footsteps, and I just pray he finds success my father was never able to. Thanks for the wonderful six star rating!
Rhonda
Comment from I am Cat
Oh Rhonda... If I had a six left, I'd give it Mother to Mother for this lovely lament and outpouring of true love. We do love those sons, don't we? ((((((((hugs)))))))
Oh honey, what a gift, he stood beside you today. ;)
I felt this flowed so well... told a lovely tale (hey, that rhymed!) ;)
except this part sort of stuck:
Today in church, head bowed in prayer,
a touch on my sleeve made me aware.
My lost child stood there, his heart awake,
breathing now, for his own sake.
The third line is too long... maybe....
Today in church, head bowed in prayer,
a touch on my sleeve made me aware.
My lost child, his heart awake,
standing there, for his own sake.
maybe that? It would flow better, and maybe still say what you were saying before?
Anyway, it's a gorgeous poem, and I"m so happy that this was a good day, Rhonda...
My heart goes out to you. (((((((hugs and love))))))
and a virtual six!
cat
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Oh Rhonda... If I had a six left, I'd give it Mother to Mother for this lovely lament and outpouring of true love. We do love those sons, don't we? ((((((((hugs)))))))
Oh honey, what a gift, he stood beside you today. ;)
I felt this flowed so well... told a lovely tale (hey, that rhymed!) ;)
except this part sort of stuck:
Today in church, head bowed in prayer,
a touch on my sleeve made me aware.
My lost child stood there, his heart awake,
breathing now, for his own sake.
The third line is too long... maybe....
Today in church, head bowed in prayer,
a touch on my sleeve made me aware.
My lost child, his heart awake,
standing there, for his own sake.
maybe that? It would flow better, and maybe still say what you were saying before?
Anyway, it's a gorgeous poem, and I"m so happy that this was a good day, Rhonda...
My heart goes out to you. (((((((hugs and love))))))
and a virtual six!
cat
Comment Written 19-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2015
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Aww, I'll take that virtual six, sweet Cat.
I struggled with that line, thanks for the help with it! That sounds so much better. You are, and always will be, the "Queen of Poetry"....Yeah,
Many, many hugs back, my dear,
Just don't tell my other son, Karl, the Scorpio with the sports injury, that Joseph got his own poem! Hehe,
Love and hugs to you,
Rhonda