The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Piper, part 9"Young Adult Fantasy
17 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Make up my mind! (Laughing here) Do all Fae's have to be nefarious? I so want to like this Redd-Lief! I admit I am caught in your fantasy web, as surely as those spiders around the ventilation openings! Argh! How much time do I have and how many chapters can I treat myself to, this visit?
"Either way, Redd-Leif barely heard the noise of the door opening himself."
(You really don't need "himself" at the end of this sentence. It's understood)
Karenina
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Make up my mind! (Laughing here) Do all Fae's have to be nefarious? I so want to like this Redd-Lief! I admit I am caught in your fantasy web, as surely as those spiders around the ventilation openings! Argh! How much time do I have and how many chapters can I treat myself to, this visit?
"Either way, Redd-Leif barely heard the noise of the door opening himself."
(You really don't need "himself" at the end of this sentence. It's understood)
Karenina
Comment Written 19-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2023
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Hi Karenina,
Thank you for the great review and the suggestion. I will fix that.
Debi
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Smile. I could have spent my day reading!
Comment from May 1
Great job in describing Burkehart's frustration. Haha, I love Summerstorm he is such fun to read about. Secret passages are always so interesting to read about. Great way to end the chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Great job in describing Burkehart's frustration. Haha, I love Summerstorm he is such fun to read about. Secret passages are always so interesting to read about. Great way to end the chapter.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Hi May 1,
Thank you once again for going back to read the earlier chapters of this story. You comments just make my day! Thank you so much.
Debi
Comment from sunnilicious
I like the introduction and followup on previous chapters. Really, it's not necessary. You're just so nice to inform the readers. This installment stands alone well. Great visual imagery. Good narration with dialogue. Dreamy, romantic ending. Lovely work.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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I like the introduction and followup on previous chapters. Really, it's not necessary. You're just so nice to inform the readers. This installment stands alone well. Great visual imagery. Good narration with dialogue. Dreamy, romantic ending. Lovely work.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2017
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I am so pleased you found the ending dreamy and romantic. Thank you for the kind comments about the imagery, narration and dialog. I appreciate the encouragement.
Comment from rspoet
A wonderful chapter!
"You were seen here; you were seen there.
One person even claimed you disappeared through this window."
Sounds like the elusive Scarlett Pimpernel, by Baroness Orczy
I used that line in a poem once.
"Faerie dust? Hmm. You have quite an imagination, Captain."
The gentle taunting by Summerstorm works very nicely.
Those hidden passageways certainly help in being elusive.
It seems Piper is descended from a long line of gifted musicians
whose gift goes far beyond mere music.
Perhaps to the realm of magic and faerie dust.
Excellent writing,
Looking forward to the next episode of The Piper
RS
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2016
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A wonderful chapter!
"You were seen here; you were seen there.
One person even claimed you disappeared through this window."
Sounds like the elusive Scarlett Pimpernel, by Baroness Orczy
I used that line in a poem once.
"Faerie dust? Hmm. You have quite an imagination, Captain."
The gentle taunting by Summerstorm works very nicely.
Those hidden passageways certainly help in being elusive.
It seems Piper is descended from a long line of gifted musicians
whose gift goes far beyond mere music.
Perhaps to the realm of magic and faerie dust.
Excellent writing,
Looking forward to the next episode of The Piper
RS
Comment Written 19-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2016
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Hi RS,
Your review is delightful to read. Thank you for the beautiful six stars! They are much appreciated. Thank you for pointing out the parts you like in this chapter. It helps to know what works.
It's been years since I've read the Scarlett Pimpernel, but it may be time to get it out again. I remember I really liked the story. It is a wonderful classic.
I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday season.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Excellent chapter, Debi.
-Burkehart is beside himself, looking here and there, trying to figure out the moves of the Fae, which is impossible--he even figured he must have used fairy dust to get down from where he was.
-Too many archways to contend with, as well.
-Then Summerstorm is in this passageway with such beautiful artwork where the music guild was.
-He finds the secret stone that Raymond had shown him, and he met with success.
-Part of the mystery is we don't know exactly where the secret door leads to, unless it had served some purpose years ago, maybe a secret music society or something like it.
-He wants to hear the music, esp. from Piper, and he is relieved no one has heard or seen him.
-It seems he is enchanted himself as he heard Piper play.
-Now, what is it he wants from Piper---perhaps to capture his musical ability, somehow?
-We are left to wonder.
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2016
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-Excellent chapter, Debi.
-Burkehart is beside himself, looking here and there, trying to figure out the moves of the Fae, which is impossible--he even figured he must have used fairy dust to get down from where he was.
-Too many archways to contend with, as well.
-Then Summerstorm is in this passageway with such beautiful artwork where the music guild was.
-He finds the secret stone that Raymond had shown him, and he met with success.
-Part of the mystery is we don't know exactly where the secret door leads to, unless it had served some purpose years ago, maybe a secret music society or something like it.
-He wants to hear the music, esp. from Piper, and he is relieved no one has heard or seen him.
-It seems he is enchanted himself as he heard Piper play.
-Now, what is it he wants from Piper---perhaps to capture his musical ability, somehow?
-We are left to wonder.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2016
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Hi Pam,
Thank you for the wonderful six star rating. Your encouragement means a lot. Please excuse the late response as I was away and didn't have much access to a computer.
I hope your holiday season is wonderful and full of joy.
Debi
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You are welcome, Debi. No problem with lateness. I am not posting until after the New Year, but am trying to keep up with stories.
Comment from F. Wehr3
I thought this was excellent. From Redd-Leif's humor to all of the descriptive work you've done, I was enchanted. I picked out two sentences for punctuation questions.
He stopped across from the chambers of the Grand Master of the Music Guild, and paused to admire the door with the figures that appeared to move in the flickering light.--I think you don't need the comma before and because the second part lacks a subject. What do you think?
If he remembered correctly, a huge tapestry draped the wall and he could easily slip out of the passageway without being noticed. --I would suggest a comma before and because both parts form a complete sentence.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2016
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I thought this was excellent. From Redd-Leif's humor to all of the descriptive work you've done, I was enchanted. I picked out two sentences for punctuation questions.
He stopped across from the chambers of the Grand Master of the Music Guild, and paused to admire the door with the figures that appeared to move in the flickering light.--I think you don't need the comma before and because the second part lacks a subject. What do you think?
If he remembered correctly, a huge tapestry draped the wall and he could easily slip out of the passageway without being noticed. --I would suggest a comma before and because both parts form a complete sentence.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 19-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2016
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Hi Russell,
How delightful to come home and find this great review. I am sorry for the delay in responding, but have not had access to my computer.
I have made the corrections you suggested. Thank you so much for the attention to detail. It is most helpful
Thank you for the shiny six stars! It means a lot to me. I am pleased to hear you enjoy Redd-Leif's humor and that you find the story enchanting.
I appreciate you following the story.
Debi
Comment from ciliverde
A great chapter, I wish it kept going. I loved the descriptions of Summerstorm's entry into and out of the old passageway. I wonder what he's up to? I can't wait to learn more :))
Carol
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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A great chapter, I wish it kept going. I loved the descriptions of Summerstorm's entry into and out of the old passageway. I wonder what he's up to? I can't wait to learn more :))
Carol
Comment Written 17-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2016
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Hi Carol,
Ther is no higher praise and encouragement I could receive than that of wishing the story would keep going. Thank you for mentioning what you like. I appreciate you following the story.
Debi
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It's my pleasure, the story is very good!
Comment from Spitfire
You do a fine job of not rushing this piece, but taking time to follow the villain as he finds the secret passage. Marvelous details. I'm impressed. Have you searched YouTube flutists to see if you could find some young man who plays like we imagine Piper does?
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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You do a fine job of not rushing this piece, but taking time to follow the villain as he finds the secret passage. Marvelous details. I'm impressed. Have you searched YouTube flutists to see if you could find some young man who plays like we imagine Piper does?
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Hi Shari,
I have not searched YouTube, but that is a good idea. Thank you so much for the encouraging comments about the writing and the details. Since I consider you such a good writer, I find it especially uplifting to hear.
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Thanks for the compliment.
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:)
Comment from DonandVicki
I like the way that you held my attention all the way through your story, I will have to go back and catch up on the rest of the work. Very smooth and well done.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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I like the way that you held my attention all the way through your story, I will have to go back and catch up on the rest of the work. Very smooth and well done.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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It is so nice to hear that this held your attention and that you liked it, maybe even enough to read more. There is no higher compliment. Thank you.
Debi
Comment from KjSilver
This is fantastic writing. You have great style and emphatic righting. Your sentences are parallel and each one pulls from the one before. Flawless editing and a very interesting tale.
There was only one thing, but it is probably something I missed.
There were two points of view in this scene: Burkehart and Redd-Leif. Or was Redd-Leif following Burkehart and listening in the background?
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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This is fantastic writing. You have great style and emphatic righting. Your sentences are parallel and each one pulls from the one before. Flawless editing and a very interesting tale.
There was only one thing, but it is probably something I missed.
There were two points of view in this scene: Burkehart and Redd-Leif. Or was Redd-Leif following Burkehart and listening in the background?
Comment Written 16-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2016
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Thank you so much for the shiny six star rating and the encouraging comments. It is always so nice to see a bit of gold. :)
Yes, there are two POV's in this chapter. I appreciate you pointing out the error in the editing. In my original I had a break between the two to indicate the change. Somehow I lost that in the transition over to FS. I have put a break between the two again. That should help point out that Burkehart was the original POV. He exists and we switch Redd-Leif's POV.