Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "The Mountain's Knees"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
29 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
A nice pause in the action to regroup and fortify themselves for what is coming, both at the mines and beyond. Love the discussion about the "alpha male" and Archie admitting that even someone who has made great achievements in life and was taught to forge ahead no matter what, still has fears to conquer. We are never done are we?
It is interesting to discover the world through the eyes of the two girls who have never seen much of it before. We take so much for granted.
Excellent dialog to reveal fears and personalities. These characters keep gaining depth and personality.
Looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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A nice pause in the action to regroup and fortify themselves for what is coming, both at the mines and beyond. Love the discussion about the "alpha male" and Archie admitting that even someone who has made great achievements in life and was taught to forge ahead no matter what, still has fears to conquer. We are never done are we?
It is interesting to discover the world through the eyes of the two girls who have never seen much of it before. We take so much for granted.
Excellent dialog to reveal fears and personalities. These characters keep gaining depth and personality.
Looking forward to more.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thank you for the wonderful review, my friend! I'm actually about to post a new chapter. I just have to finish cleaning it up.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Walu Feral
Boo! Howdy Padna.
Looks like I'm up with you now and ready and rearing to go.
"The team no longer dug holes to sleep the days away, but built lean-tos to shelter them while they rested." (Great plan.)
"She held her sister's hand as much for moral support as for any physical(backspace) need.)
"We aren't all self destructive," Archie pointed out, "nor are we (all) evil."
"Running, or hiding, from our fears doesn't help us overcome them, Dear." (Correct!)
"So, Archie, if you see a bear, puff yourself up, and hold your hands over your head. Look fierce. Be an alpha male." (Hahahaha! An Alpha male with soiled shorts!)
Top work, once again. Another engaging read and another suspense-filled conclusion to the chapter.
I've never seen a bear, obviously, but I'd sure like to see one in the wild and build a camp near it and watch how they live... how cool.
Great stuff.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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Boo! Howdy Padna.
Looks like I'm up with you now and ready and rearing to go.
"The team no longer dug holes to sleep the days away, but built lean-tos to shelter them while they rested." (Great plan.)
"She held her sister's hand as much for moral support as for any physical(backspace) need.)
"We aren't all self destructive," Archie pointed out, "nor are we (all) evil."
"Running, or hiding, from our fears doesn't help us overcome them, Dear." (Correct!)
"So, Archie, if you see a bear, puff yourself up, and hold your hands over your head. Look fierce. Be an alpha male." (Hahahaha! An Alpha male with soiled shorts!)
Top work, once again. Another engaging read and another suspense-filled conclusion to the chapter.
I've never seen a bear, obviously, but I'd sure like to see one in the wild and build a camp near it and watch how they live... how cool.
Great stuff.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 05-May-2017
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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You are way too funny!! Yes, soiled shorts would have been his response, and all Sani was trying to do was put him in his place and teach him a bit of humility, which he needs!! haha.
They're about to go underground now, and that's not an are of my expertise, so I'll probably gloss over that part. haha,
Thanks for the review, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Lu Saluna
I am still loving this story.
They are so close to the mines now. Their anxiety must be over the top.
I am really enjoying the detail and the dialogue. The discussion about the difference in the DNA and not knowing what the baby may look like is fascinating. The parents containing animal DNA could possibly produce a child with unusual features and who knows what level of intellectual function there will be as well.
It could go sideways or get the best of both worlds. The even bigger question, will the world be accepting of such a child.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2017
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I am still loving this story.
They are so close to the mines now. Their anxiety must be over the top.
I am really enjoying the detail and the dialogue. The discussion about the difference in the DNA and not knowing what the baby may look like is fascinating. The parents containing animal DNA could possibly produce a child with unusual features and who knows what level of intellectual function there will be as well.
It could go sideways or get the best of both worlds. The even bigger question, will the world be accepting of such a child.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2017
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Hey, I need you to write the summary for the back cover of the book. You did a wonderful job of highlighting my main points. haha.
Thank you for the wonderful review!
Take care,
Rhonda
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Feel free to copy my comments, hehe
Comment from fafa
A good chapter of its book that I will have to read some chapters more to define my aptitude for thinking, I liked this one and I see that is marked like recognized work, congratulations
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2017
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A good chapter of its book that I will have to read some chapters more to define my aptitude for thinking, I liked this one and I see that is marked like recognized work, congratulations
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2017
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Thank you, fafa. I'm so glad you were able to read and review. I would love for you to read more.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mustang Patty
thank you for sharing the continuation of this intriguing story. Archie has quite the swelled head, doesn't he? I anxiously await the birth - I wonder if Koko will indeed love her child? I look forward to reading more,
~patty~
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2017
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thank you for sharing the continuation of this intriguing story. Archie has quite the swelled head, doesn't he? I anxiously await the birth - I wonder if Koko will indeed love her child? I look forward to reading more,
~patty~
Comment Written 26-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2017
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Mothers almost always love their babies, not matter what they look like. Koko has a loving heart, and will be pleased with her child.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from TheWriteTeach
This was a good chapter, Rhonda. I love that you mentioned how the girls were amazed with mountains. You made the reader aware how strange things looked to the girls. Nice job with that. I found it humorous that Archie was reassuring Koko about giving birth. As if he knew all about it. Typical male. LoL Another thing I loved was Sani's advice to Archie about what to do if he was a bear.
Once again, this chapter has a slower pace, which is good. It allows the reader to relax and take a breath, and get ready for the problems that are coming when Archie and company reach Mine City. The action doesn't slow - you have good verbal action to keep things moving. You also show the characters' sense of safety with only using a lean-to shelter, rather than digging a hole and covering it up to hide.
I noticed a few things:
"We aren't all self-destructive," Archie pointed out, "nor are we all evil. (In this sentence, self destructive does not need a hyphen. Hyphenate two-word modifiers that come before the noun, but do not hyphenate if they come after the noun.)
But[,] enough negative thoughts. (Technically, this needs a comma where indicated. However, it is your call; it depends on how you want it read, with a slight pause or just zip right through.)
Running[,] or hiding[,] from our fears doesn't help (set the parenthetical expression apart from rest of sentence with commas)
Fear allows people to control you, Ayala, or haven't you learned from what the Scientists have done with your people in Hokee? (This is a long sentence, and if read aloud, you will run out of breath before finishing it. If you make this two sentences, I think it would also have a stronger impact.)
but {the} it's not a very encouraging reminder (extra word where indicated)
"Can you protect me against an army[,] or enemies, or even against the birth process?" (need comma where indicated)
"With fortitude I never knew I had?" (Would this have a stronger impact if it were a simple declarative sentence, rather than a question? For me, a declarative would show she accepted it and is willing to accept the challenge - her character is evolving. The question shows trepidation and uncertainty. The next sentence wouldn't need to change - Archie confirmed her statement.)
"I thought you {had} heard no rumor of them. (Your call - does it have a smoother flow if you eliminate 'had?')
He looked around {and beside him} as though waiting for a black bear to pounce {on him} at any moment. (Your call here, too. I think you have some excess verbiage. Read it and eliminate the two sections I bracketed, and see what you think.)
Archie had a feeling Sani was trying to prove to the girls that even Archie had things he feared. (Something is off with this sentence. It doesn't read smoothly. You use 'Archie' twice, but the way this is written, you have no choice. If you replace the second 'Archie' with 'he,' it will read at though it is referring to Sani. Maybe it needs a rewrite - what do you think?)
Looking forward to the chapters ahead. Things are going to start jumping with trouble.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2017
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This was a good chapter, Rhonda. I love that you mentioned how the girls were amazed with mountains. You made the reader aware how strange things looked to the girls. Nice job with that. I found it humorous that Archie was reassuring Koko about giving birth. As if he knew all about it. Typical male. LoL Another thing I loved was Sani's advice to Archie about what to do if he was a bear.
Once again, this chapter has a slower pace, which is good. It allows the reader to relax and take a breath, and get ready for the problems that are coming when Archie and company reach Mine City. The action doesn't slow - you have good verbal action to keep things moving. You also show the characters' sense of safety with only using a lean-to shelter, rather than digging a hole and covering it up to hide.
I noticed a few things:
"We aren't all self-destructive," Archie pointed out, "nor are we all evil. (In this sentence, self destructive does not need a hyphen. Hyphenate two-word modifiers that come before the noun, but do not hyphenate if they come after the noun.)
But[,] enough negative thoughts. (Technically, this needs a comma where indicated. However, it is your call; it depends on how you want it read, with a slight pause or just zip right through.)
Running[,] or hiding[,] from our fears doesn't help (set the parenthetical expression apart from rest of sentence with commas)
Fear allows people to control you, Ayala, or haven't you learned from what the Scientists have done with your people in Hokee? (This is a long sentence, and if read aloud, you will run out of breath before finishing it. If you make this two sentences, I think it would also have a stronger impact.)
but {the} it's not a very encouraging reminder (extra word where indicated)
"Can you protect me against an army[,] or enemies, or even against the birth process?" (need comma where indicated)
"With fortitude I never knew I had?" (Would this have a stronger impact if it were a simple declarative sentence, rather than a question? For me, a declarative would show she accepted it and is willing to accept the challenge - her character is evolving. The question shows trepidation and uncertainty. The next sentence wouldn't need to change - Archie confirmed her statement.)
"I thought you {had} heard no rumor of them. (Your call - does it have a smoother flow if you eliminate 'had?')
He looked around {and beside him} as though waiting for a black bear to pounce {on him} at any moment. (Your call here, too. I think you have some excess verbiage. Read it and eliminate the two sections I bracketed, and see what you think.)
Archie had a feeling Sani was trying to prove to the girls that even Archie had things he feared. (Something is off with this sentence. It doesn't read smoothly. You use 'Archie' twice, but the way this is written, you have no choice. If you replace the second 'Archie' with 'he,' it will read at though it is referring to Sani. Maybe it needs a rewrite - what do you think?)
Looking forward to the chapters ahead. Things are going to start jumping with trouble.
Suzanne
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2017
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Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. It is so helpful the way you help me with grammar. I study the rules for commas, and will just one day wake up and "get it", but now mess up horribly. Oh well, if I could do it on my own, you would only have a line or two to write me. Friend security for me. haha.
Thanks so much,
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
An excellent title, to draw you into the story.
The terrain must change from the desert to mountains
to give the idea of the mines believably
and you done that very nicely here,
The mountains have a mystique of the own and
I'm sure Archie was relieved that he didn't have to keep digging huge holes
It is good to introduce the phobia of dark and tight spaces, many can relate
and a good touch to show a little fear in Archie, as well
Seems everyone has something to fear, and something to overcome
I wonder what Sani fears?
The mines should prove very interesting, hopefully not too sad.
Excellent chapter my friend,
Well done.
RS
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2017
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An excellent title, to draw you into the story.
The terrain must change from the desert to mountains
to give the idea of the mines believably
and you done that very nicely here,
The mountains have a mystique of the own and
I'm sure Archie was relieved that he didn't have to keep digging huge holes
It is good to introduce the phobia of dark and tight spaces, many can relate
and a good touch to show a little fear in Archie, as well
Seems everyone has something to fear, and something to overcome
I wonder what Sani fears?
The mines should prove very interesting, hopefully not too sad.
Excellent chapter my friend,
Well done.
RS
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2017
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Wow, thank you for the six stars, and the six star review!
It's not going to be sad, but it will be different once they meet the people there.
Sani has fears, but they won't show up until much later!
Yes, the mountains lend a different flavor to the march, and the changing temperatures help as well.
Thanks so much for the uplifting review.
Take care,
Rhonda
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Good to know, since you mentioned Dr Moreau's Island a while back.
:) RS
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Oh, yeah, I remember that. This is nothing like that movie. Much better ending!
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"Ah, I don't speak of the human sort, but there are other animals lurking about. Don't worry ladies. There's nothing out there our strong Archie can't handle. So, Archie, if you see a bear, puff yourself up, and hold your hands over your head. Look fierce. Be an alpha male."
"You're kidding, right?" Archie asked. He looked around and beside him as though waiting for a black bear to pounce on him at any moment.
"Not to be afraid," Sani said. He winked at the girls. "Just remember, alpha male."
"Got it . . . alpha male."
Archie had a feeling Sani was trying to prove to the girls that even Archie had things he feared. He was right.'
Well done your stories are full of intelligent and absorbing information as well as fantastic ideas. Very well done with this continuing story. Kindest regards, Meia x
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2017
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"Ah, I don't speak of the human sort, but there are other animals lurking about. Don't worry ladies. There's nothing out there our strong Archie can't handle. So, Archie, if you see a bear, puff yourself up, and hold your hands over your head. Look fierce. Be an alpha male."
"You're kidding, right?" Archie asked. He looked around and beside him as though waiting for a black bear to pounce on him at any moment.
"Not to be afraid," Sani said. He winked at the girls. "Just remember, alpha male."
"Got it . . . alpha male."
Archie had a feeling Sani was trying to prove to the girls that even Archie had things he feared. He was right.'
Well done your stories are full of intelligent and absorbing information as well as fantastic ideas. Very well done with this continuing story. Kindest regards, Meia x
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2017
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Thank you for the review. I appreciate the time and attention you spent on it.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
They've made it. Now they must find Todd.
I'm keen to see how they fare.
Great dialogue in this chapter, Rhonda, flow so naturally.
Running or hiding from our fears doesn't help us overcome them - great line and true.
thirty-two-years
Sorry I'm all out of sixes already - Tom should allow us more.
Margaret
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2017
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They've made it. Now they must find Todd.
I'm keen to see how they fare.
Great dialogue in this chapter, Rhonda, flow so naturally.
Running or hiding from our fears doesn't help us overcome them - great line and true.
thirty-two-years
Sorry I'm all out of sixes already - Tom should allow us more.
Margaret
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2017
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Hi, Margaret, yes, I would like more sixes as well, but it is what it is, and I'm thankful for your wonderful review. It's enough you think it worthy of a six.
I always mess up on the ages. I usually leave out a dash somewhere, thanks!!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, another excellent chapter. They've come a long way and maybe now they can feel a little more relaxed. Their biggest challenge will be the mines and finding Todd. Koko really needs him and they need to reunite them. Ayala had a fear to overcome, but I have a feeling Archie will be right there for her. Like a white knight!! Well done Rhonda with once again great dialogue as Sani has great insight to life.
Take care my friend,,,,,,Jim
Are you getting close to figuring out who the woman in my life is????
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2017
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Rhonda, another excellent chapter. They've come a long way and maybe now they can feel a little more relaxed. Their biggest challenge will be the mines and finding Todd. Koko really needs him and they need to reunite them. Ayala had a fear to overcome, but I have a feeling Archie will be right there for her. Like a white knight!! Well done Rhonda with once again great dialogue as Sani has great insight to life.
Take care my friend,,,,,,Jim
Are you getting close to figuring out who the woman in my life is????
Comment Written 25-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2017
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Thank you, Jim! You are a great source of encouragement. I appreciate you always being there to review my work.
Have a great week,
Rhonda