Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

This is written in anapestic metre, yes? It always takes me the first line but yes the bouncy feel of the metre is perfect to deliver such a matter-of-fact and possibly sombre subject.

I'm taking it in from Saturn and it's not looking promising even with all those billions of years to evolve rationally we have chosen to eradicate ourselves with hubris and willful ignorance.

Exceptional post friend, Craig. And another word for my use in an entirely different way. :)

Gloria

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

There you go, calling my stuff antiseptic again - I'm starting to get a complex!

I don't really know what it's called, but I've tried to give an example of how I read it below.. You can see sometimes the stressed syllable is on the first in the line, other times the second. I believe every line has 10 syllables.

When I read it, it goes something like this...

Take a translunary trek to a place
that's eons in time and light-years in space
from all that we know, and all we avow
and all that we like to call "here and now".

There might be slight changes to each stanza (or even each line) in which syllable is stressed. I don't know if that corresponds to anything in particular (probably not), except that when I read it using the stresses I hear in my head, it flows ok. I think this works by judicious use of pauses, which are probably hard for a reader (who doesn't have it in their head) to follow. Sorry for the lame explanation.

Thanks for the great review, Gloria.

Craig

P.S. usually, the emphases aren't "strong"

reply by Gloria .... on 08-Jan-2018

No fair you getting a complex! Is it a beachside entertainment complex, or a river-valley riding complex? I like antiseptic metre if I know it is. :)

Yep I did pick up just exactly that metre after the second read through the first stanza. That said, your chart made the reading a whole lot easier and is most appreciated.

Comment from kiwigirl2821

Excellent

Hello CD. I must say you do produce the coolest writes! I love your word a day and the way you are using them. This is thoughtful and well written. Nice! xoxo Kiwi

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

Hi Kiwi - must say, I've never thought of my stuff as "cool", but I'll gladly take it! Many thanks for the lovely review. Craig

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Craig;
You've described the 'speck' theory, as I like to call it. I think there are those who feel we are 'it.' There is too much scientific proof to prove otherwise, but still, they hold onto their beliefs.

I think God is big enough to handle the Universe,

~patty~

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

Hi Patty,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and thanks for reviewing. "Speck" theory works, but you just prompted me to come up with an alternative I think might also be applicable - "blip" theory :) Much appreciated - Craig

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Superb poem, Craig. It amazes me that humans place so much importance on themselves. Did the dinosaurs think they were kings of Earth? How about bacteria? They can defeat any life form. We've proven ourselves to be dangerous to life as much as helpful in advancing evolution. I am quite sure we will become extinct like so many other "top" life forms. I'm glad to have lived in one of humanity's most successful eras, though, especially in the age of computers to converse with folks around the world. :)

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

Humans vs bacteria? I'm taking bets on it now - want some action? lol

Thanks for the thoughtful review, Phyllis, much appreciated :)

Craig

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

When everything else is gone, it will come our time to be extinct.
Very well stated in content and rhyme and flow are spot on

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

Thank you very much for the kind review - much appreciated :) Craig

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

Oh nice one :) I bobbed my head while singing your lovely rhythmic line. That makes me happy lol! I love the word of the day. I was thinking that yesterday being Sunday could inspire S poems, and I thought of science fiction. However, I didn't get enough time to do much after reviewing all day until my eyes were crossed. So, your delightful poem took me to space and back today. Now I'm getting inspired. Looking forward to tomorrow's word.

No picture? You put the reader into the scene that you can get away with it.

Joy xx

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

Thanks for the lovely review, Joy. I'm looking forward to seeing the results of said inspiration! Meanwhile, I haven't looked yet to see what my word of the day is... hopefully nothing too bizarre... much appreciated, Craig

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Exceptional

"humanity just a transient phase" ... luv this! Whenever I drive to the mountains, and realize how long they have been standing, I realize just how insignificant we humans are in the grand scheme of things. Yet, as you have well conveyed in your poem, we seem to think that everyone and everything in this world revolves around us.

I love your subject matter for this poem, and how you nicely slipped the word "translunary" into your write. Excellent aabb rhyme scheme. Original premise and very well written and presented.

"intricate structures of which it exists" ... yes, one just has to look at some types of flowers, to see how amaaazingly geometric the pattern can be. Loved your use of contrast to the aforementioned with "though chaos is norm".

Great job on this poem, Craig! ~~ Connie

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

Thank you so much for the very generous comments and rating, Connie! I Absolutely agree, it's ludicrous how important we think we are in the scheme of things. Compared to most things, like the mountains you mention, we are "here today, gone tomorrow." Much gratitude, Craig

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

Craig, This is a very well written poem with very good descriptive wording and great imagery with your words. This was my favorite stanza!:
In prideful arrogance we make a fuss,
thinking the cosmos is all about us.
Yet we are but dust, and numbered our days;
humanity-- just a transient phase.

Blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

Thanks so much for the lovely comments, Teri. I'm glad you enjoyed. Craig

Comment from --Turtle.

Exceptional

Hey, Craig,

I read through this contemplative, humanity-humbling piece. The cosmos is big, we are really small. There's a bit of wonder and awe, intertwined with a practical assessment of insignificance. When I was in high school, I wrote a piece like it. (It is probably a train wreck... I'd have to look through my notes, haven't read it in a long time, but the name of the poem was 'make way for the next'. So I'm a bit partial to be biased for the theme in enjoying this poem, as it made me remember my own poem.

from all that we know, and all we avow(,)?
(not sure... but does a comma make sense here? Maybe not, but if it was there... the middle 'and' would be an interrupt)

patterns astounding, though chaos is norm.
(a really strong set, very easy beat to this, with a great sense of wonder at how time and a billion, billion little things all ends up here)

In prideful arrogance we make (such)? a fuss,
(feel free to ignore this, I don't even know why I wanted to suggest the such.. probably just because my mouth inserted it when I read. Which might mean I'm reading the sentence wrong.

Yet we are but dust, and numbered our days;
(heh, heh... he said, but dust ... actually, I blame a joke my cousin sent me about little kids in church... when the preacher said something along the lines of, oh lord, we are but dust.... and in the joke, the little kid asked his mom... what is butt dust?

Since then, I've come to figure that, some days, it seems humanity as a whole might just be some cosmic butt dust.

Nice job with this poem.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

Haha - thanks for such a great review, Turtle - butt dust indeed!

I have to admit I have no idea when I should or should not use a comma after "and". Some say "never", but I often see conflicting advice. My approach tends to be if I think a slight pause is desired, but not achieved by, for example, a line end - then I include it. That's probably wrong, but I haven't got any better idea.

I think the "fuss" line can read ok with or without the "such" you suggest. However, I would then have folks on my tail for an incorrect syllable count.

I'd like to see that poem you wrote, if you ever dig it out.

Many thanks again,
Craig

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

Out beyond the moon, among planets circling stars we cannot see from here, there must be other life, other civilizations. Combine that thought with modern man's warped sense of time and importance and we arrive at your poem's very valid point. We're barely a blip on the universal timeline. I like the stark presentation and your word of the day idea. Looking forward to more. :) Nancy

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018

Thank you very much, Nancy, for the thoughtful review. We certainly appear to be thinking along the same lines on this matter. Much appreciated - Craig