Mother's White Feather
Coward or Angel?29 total reviews
Comment from Darlene BoClair
I believe the more poetry I read, the more poetry I will find confident in writing and sharing with the Fanstory community. Knowing you are a first place contest winner, I study your winning format, your embrace to instructions about the contest entry.
As a mother, I praise your poetry as a humble message to mothers.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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I believe the more poetry I read, the more poetry I will find confident in writing and sharing with the Fanstory community. Knowing you are a first place contest winner, I study your winning format, your embrace to instructions about the contest entry.
As a mother, I praise your poetry as a humble message to mothers.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2019
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Hello Darlene
thank you for reviewing my poem. I think you are doing a good thing by reading lots of poetry to become familiar with how differently people can express themselves. Do not be scared to put your poems on Fanstory; it is a very good way to have some feedback and learn from that too. But always remember it is you who write your poem and you will know why you wrote it and anyone else who says something about it is just one person's opinion.
I am not a mother myself, and I was adopted and did not know my birth mother, and the mother who raised me died when I was 15, so there are many things about life that I have to invent.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Mother seemed to be the sort of selfish, theatrical woman who changed the script if something was not to her liking. It is easy to feel judgemental when one is abandoned, but perhaps she was suffering from post-natal depression, or left because she feared she might harm the children. She may have thought she was doing the right thing by us, in removing herself from our lives. My appreciation of her is that she gave me life. ' I totally relate to this. Some others are only mother when it suits them. Trying desperately to please them is inevitable. I love the white feather motif floating through this and its meaning. A wonderful piece superb virtual six xx M
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
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Mother seemed to be the sort of selfish, theatrical woman who changed the script if something was not to her liking. It is easy to feel judgemental when one is abandoned, but perhaps she was suffering from post-natal depression, or left because she feared she might harm the children. She may have thought she was doing the right thing by us, in removing herself from our lives. My appreciation of her is that she gave me life. ' I totally relate to this. Some others are only mother when it suits them. Trying desperately to please them is inevitable. I love the white feather motif floating through this and its meaning. A wonderful piece superb virtual six xx M
Comment Written 29-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2019
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Hi Meia. I am so pleased that you related to my poem, but it sounds like it brought back painful memories of a less than wonderful mother. I hear you. Thanks so much for your supportive review.
Comment from juliaSjames
A worthy contest winner. The final stanza is particularly poignant. "claws in my heart" stands out for me.
You sustain the metaphor with skill and ease.
My mother migrated when I was eleven. I was loved and well cared for by my grandmother and Mummy kept in constant touch with letters, gifts, and money for my upkeep. She had divorced my father when I was one, but he was always a caring presence in my life. Nevertheless as an only child I grew up feeling isolated and lonely - abandoned really.
I too used a bird image in the poem I wrote about her, Little Bird.
Congratulations. I look forward to reading more of your work
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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A worthy contest winner. The final stanza is particularly poignant. "claws in my heart" stands out for me.
You sustain the metaphor with skill and ease.
My mother migrated when I was eleven. I was loved and well cared for by my grandmother and Mummy kept in constant touch with letters, gifts, and money for my upkeep. She had divorced my father when I was one, but he was always a caring presence in my life. Nevertheless as an only child I grew up feeling isolated and lonely - abandoned really.
I too used a bird image in the poem I wrote about her, Little Bird.
Congratulations. I look forward to reading more of your work
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Thanks for reviewing and for your comments. I really appreciate that. I was interested to hear your family background. Those experiences really affect us and come out in our poetry.
Comment from Gloria ....
Lisa, this is a wonderful free verse and a mother abandoning her duties. Your pacing is fantastic and each stanza builds increasing tension. So true not all experiences of motherhood are warm fuzzies.
Just superb and a pleasure to read. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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Lisa, this is a wonderful free verse and a mother abandoning her duties. Your pacing is fantastic and each stanza builds increasing tension. So true not all experiences of motherhood are warm fuzzies.
Just superb and a pleasure to read. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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Hi Gloria, I am so pleased that you found my poem worthy of a 6. I appreciate your comments about it, particularly about the pace as that is something I am working on to bring through my poems to arrive at some outcome in a final stanza.
Comment from Joanna S. Blue
I admire your poem, sometimes brutal - "shot of us at dawn," "claws in my heart; " and sometimes so delicate - " paper wings rustle good-by." I see the dramatic woman in her boa who could somehow leave her small children. Your words are so full of meaning and mysterious too. The poem leaves so many unanswered questions.
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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I admire your poem, sometimes brutal - "shot of us at dawn," "claws in my heart; " and sometimes so delicate - " paper wings rustle good-by." I see the dramatic woman in her boa who could somehow leave her small children. Your words are so full of meaning and mysterious too. The poem leaves so many unanswered questions.
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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I'm glad I left an air of mystery with you. My birth mother left many questions unanswered... maybe even to herself. She is dead now so the mystery remains.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Lisa, congratulations on your win with this fabulous poem! It is startlingly original and beautifully controlled.
I am only surprised at the judges' decision in that they didn't go for the obvious by choosing something that would grace a Hallmark Mother's Day card.
Some very clever touches here - the bookending with bird song, the pun on winging it, in fact the bird theme permeating the whole piece, shot (of us) at dawn and the powerful final stanza.
If you haven't already come across her work, you should take a look at visionary1234 - real name Sharon Stone (No, not that one!). She also chose to write a somewhat different Mother's Day poem - you'll find it near the top of her portfolio, My Gift to You
Steve
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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Lisa, congratulations on your win with this fabulous poem! It is startlingly original and beautifully controlled.
I am only surprised at the judges' decision in that they didn't go for the obvious by choosing something that would grace a Hallmark Mother's Day card.
Some very clever touches here - the bookending with bird song, the pun on winging it, in fact the bird theme permeating the whole piece, shot (of us) at dawn and the powerful final stanza.
If you haven't already come across her work, you should take a look at visionary1234 - real name Sharon Stone (No, not that one!). She also chose to write a somewhat different Mother's Day poem - you'll find it near the top of her portfolio, My Gift to You
Steve
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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Thank you so much for your wonderfully affirming comments. That is exactly what I want my poems to be: 'startlingly original and beautifully controlled.' That would look good as a quote on the back of any book I might put together of my poems.
Thanks for reminding me of visionary1234's poem. I did see it and review it. I thought it was wonderful, worthy in itself of being described as 'startlingly original and beautifully controlled'.
Like you, I was surprised that my poem won instead of a more cloyingly typical poem.
Comment from Rmocruz
First of all, I wish to congratulate you on this 1st place contest win.
This free flowing metaphor truly deserved it. Your personal info.
is quite remarkable.
Best wishes, keep it up.
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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First of all, I wish to congratulate you on this 1st place contest win.
This free flowing metaphor truly deserved it. Your personal info.
is quite remarkable.
Best wishes, keep it up.
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Thanks so much for your compliments !! I knew I had written a good one but I am amazed to get a win because there are so many good writers here.
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Exceptional writing has it's rewards.
You're welcome Lisa.
Comment from LG Wolfe
This is remarkable poetry in every way. The emotional impact is nearly crushing.
The mother - a caged bird needed to be free - shows your natural sympathy, and maybe inner conflict on this difficult subject. I can imagine this was difficult but also healing to write.
Your sister's tiny hand clutching the boa is incredible imagery.
I can't say enough about this. I hope you submit it for publication.
I'm going to remember this poem for a long time.
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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This is remarkable poetry in every way. The emotional impact is nearly crushing.
The mother - a caged bird needed to be free - shows your natural sympathy, and maybe inner conflict on this difficult subject. I can imagine this was difficult but also healing to write.
Your sister's tiny hand clutching the boa is incredible imagery.
I can't say enough about this. I hope you submit it for publication.
I'm going to remember this poem for a long time.
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Well that worked then. Sharing the emotional burden.
You are a good assessor of good, better, best... so I will pay attention to which of my poems elicits the best comments from you.
This I will mark as LGW seal of approval.
Comment from john mallahan
Ah commitment, & the like. Love your images of birds & flight & forever tryings to figure it all out. Have you seen the film, "The Hours"? Am reminded of such in reading, and the terrible struggles the mother had to undergo to make the decision. Had nothing to do with the husband in her life--or even the kids. He was also doing the best he could, expectations in the nuclear family era. Thank you so much for showing an often overlooked "other" side a mom!
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Ah commitment, & the like. Love your images of birds & flight & forever tryings to figure it all out. Have you seen the film, "The Hours"? Am reminded of such in reading, and the terrible struggles the mother had to undergo to make the decision. Had nothing to do with the husband in her life--or even the kids. He was also doing the best he could, expectations in the nuclear family era. Thank you so much for showing an often overlooked "other" side a mom!
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Thanks for your review John. I googled The Hours just now and it sounds like a worthwhile film. I had heard of it but not seen it. A great cast in it. So I will seek it out to watch. Thanks for drawing my attention to it.
Comment from JanPerry
Yes. The saying "to wing it" yes to improvise. Like a stand in does.
I guess your mum had a selfish lover who didn't help raise you. My greatest fear in life, so I stayed single.
No mum is perfect. I'm glad u turned our ok. Lovely analogies here.
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Yes. The saying "to wing it" yes to improvise. Like a stand in does.
I guess your mum had a selfish lover who didn't help raise you. My greatest fear in life, so I stayed single.
No mum is perfect. I'm glad u turned our ok. Lovely analogies here.
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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I haven't had a mother for 50 years. My birth mother didn't want to know and my adoptive Mum died when I was 15. I didn't have kids because of worrying about being left 'holding the baby' alone, probably much like you.
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Yes. You have been through hell and didn't deserve it. Why are men so selfish? Don't they know we need them?
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It's an interesting question that has no answer. Here's to us, sister. xx
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I think a baby is heavy. I might drop it, and there's no man around to blame for it!! He he