Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "The Venus fly trap "A book of Poetry & Writing
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Comment from DR DIP
the Venus fly trap! haha I like it.."the power of the pouch"
it reads from personal experience as a lot of your poems seem to. I like the way you have phrased this
just a couple of things: if I may be so bold to suggest:
We never learn when dark eyed girls come looking on the prow but
looking back to Adam and Eva the apple; man did fail.
consider:
We never learn when dark eyed girls come looking on the prowl but
looking back to Adam, Eve and the apple; man did always fail.
no matter still a great read
dip
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reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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the Venus fly trap! haha I like it.."the power of the pouch"
it reads from personal experience as a lot of your poems seem to. I like the way you have phrased this
just a couple of things: if I may be so bold to suggest:
We never learn when dark eyed girls come looking on the prow but
looking back to Adam and Eva the apple; man did fail.
consider:
We never learn when dark eyed girls come looking on the prowl but
looking back to Adam, Eve and the apple; man did always fail.
no matter still a great read
dip
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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that's for the tip DR I did and like thanks