A Little Viking's Tale
A rhyming short story for children122 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Mr. Gander:
Another great verse offering! I love the picture - I think your poetry should stick to illustrations - preferably children's. You switched the original in "Dirty" to a photo and I was sorry.
Some typos, etc:
First line: little (not Little) Viking (not viking)
He was a-singing (should be hyphenated)
Welcomed the little Viking (uppercase)
You have inverted commas for "You stop right there!" and an exclamation mark, but no inverted commas anywhere else.
Is the otherwise lack of punctuation deliberate? (For children's poetry, it may be better to punctuate - that's a personal opinion, of course)
I guess for the sake of rhyme, poor Eric has only one lung!
They remembered (not remember)
A good moral at the end, but I'm a bit concerned. Shouldn't kids be taught that in order to be good citizens and human beings, rules and laws of the land must be obeyed? Wonder if you could do something about the last stanza? The poem would still work if you dropped it entirely. (Sorry, this is the elementary school teacher in me!)
Otherwise, I continue to applaud you dear Demented One. This is the sweetest poem yet. Methinks there mayeth be smidgens of biographical elements in the feisty little Viking!!!
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Hi Mr. Gander:
Another great verse offering! I love the picture - I think your poetry should stick to illustrations - preferably children's. You switched the original in "Dirty" to a photo and I was sorry.
Some typos, etc:
First line: little (not Little) Viking (not viking)
He was a-singing (should be hyphenated)
Welcomed the little Viking (uppercase)
You have inverted commas for "You stop right there!" and an exclamation mark, but no inverted commas anywhere else.
Is the otherwise lack of punctuation deliberate? (For children's poetry, it may be better to punctuate - that's a personal opinion, of course)
I guess for the sake of rhyme, poor Eric has only one lung!
They remembered (not remember)
A good moral at the end, but I'm a bit concerned. Shouldn't kids be taught that in order to be good citizens and human beings, rules and laws of the land must be obeyed? Wonder if you could do something about the last stanza? The poem would still work if you dropped it entirely. (Sorry, this is the elementary school teacher in me!)
Otherwise, I continue to applaud you dear Demented One. This is the sweetest poem yet. Methinks there mayeth be smidgens of biographical elements in the feisty little Viking!!!
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Your a great friend and or fan to have..Thanks for all the corrections..And your talking about the stanza explaining the morale?
Comment from jmdg1954
This was a great written poem. The flow from line to line overall was smooth (couple if longer ones that through off the cadence), the rhyming scheme was spot on and the storybook(ness) to it was good. Great children's read. The conclusion, moral of the story was essential.
Overall good work... One of my fav's you wrote.
John
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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This was a great written poem. The flow from line to line overall was smooth (couple if longer ones that through off the cadence), the rhyming scheme was spot on and the storybook(ness) to it was good. Great children's read. The conclusion, moral of the story was essential.
Overall good work... One of my fav's you wrote.
John
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Thanks for the detailed review and I appreciate that