Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The soul of a soldier"A book of Poetry & Writing
271 total reviews
Comment from bhogg
Well, this isn't a warm - fuzzy story, but certainly one that needs to be told. I'm ex-Army and also a service brat, so certainly appreciate your intent. You are dead on in that the people dying certainly aren't the oratory bags of wind creating stupid policy.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Well, this isn't a warm - fuzzy story, but certainly one that needs to be told. I'm ex-Army and also a service brat, so certainly appreciate your intent. You are dead on in that the people dying certainly aren't the oratory bags of wind creating stupid policy.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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thank you
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
My goodness. This is an extremely powerfulm piece of writing. I cannot possibly pick fault at anything. The words flow so well. There is a melancholy feel, even a touch of bitterness. Beautifully done.
Warm wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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My goodness. This is an extremely powerfulm piece of writing. I cannot possibly pick fault at anything. The words flow so well. There is a melancholy feel, even a touch of bitterness. Beautifully done.
Warm wishes
Kat
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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thank you
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Unfortunately those that do lie beneath the cross of stone will now know that mankind hasn't learnt from past mistakes, for our soldiers still die far from their own homeland. A good read, one that makes you think.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Unfortunately those that do lie beneath the cross of stone will now know that mankind hasn't learnt from past mistakes, for our soldiers still die far from their own homeland. A good read, one that makes you think.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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thank you
Comment from IanC
First time I have been able to say don't change a word. And first exceptional I have given. Thank you for sharing your poem. It is one that says so much in a few words.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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First time I have been able to say don't change a word. And first exceptional I have given. Thank you for sharing your poem. It is one that says so much in a few words.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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thank you Ian
Comment from SteveG1960
This is a hauntingly powerful and relevant piece. How true that those who do not learn from our mistakes are doomed to repeat them. How powerful the idea that the souls of so many fallen are calling out to us from the grave to make sure we heed the lessons that they paid the price for. Thanks for sharing this.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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This is a hauntingly powerful and relevant piece. How true that those who do not learn from our mistakes are doomed to repeat them. How powerful the idea that the souls of so many fallen are calling out to us from the grave to make sure we heed the lessons that they paid the price for. Thanks for sharing this.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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thank you
Comment from Veoto
The all time best rating is well deserved. I honestly can't tell you anything to revise, the words hit home. You've really created something here. Hold on to it.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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The all time best rating is well deserved. I honestly can't tell you anything to revise, the words hit home. You've really created something here. Hold on to it.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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thank you Veoto
Comment from joemass
G'day deepwater
As an ex-serviceman (Navy) myself I applaud the intnet of this poem. However, I don't think you yet have it quite right. For example, consider the first line "...unbetrayed but honored..." If they are unbetrayed then surely the link word ought to be 'and'. If, on the other hand you mean they are honored even though they were betrayed then the link should be 'though' or something like that.
There is similar confusion in line 2; it looks as if it ought to start 'so that you.."
You have a strong message but you need to do some more work to get it across clearly.
Good luck!
Joemass
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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G'day deepwater
As an ex-serviceman (Navy) myself I applaud the intnet of this poem. However, I don't think you yet have it quite right. For example, consider the first line "...unbetrayed but honored..." If they are unbetrayed then surely the link word ought to be 'and'. If, on the other hand you mean they are honored even though they were betrayed then the link should be 'though' or something like that.
There is similar confusion in line 2; it looks as if it ought to start 'so that you.."
You have a strong message but you need to do some more work to get it across clearly.
Good luck!
Joemass
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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thanks for the comments
Comment from Mastery
Hi, deepwater. I love this piece but am confused as to its origin. Did you write this or is it a quote from George Washington or who? I see it's signed GW? Very well written in any event..(Please excuse my ignorance).Bob
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Hi, deepwater. I love this piece but am confused as to its origin. Did you write this or is it a quote from George Washington or who? I see it's signed GW? Very well written in any event..(Please excuse my ignorance).Bob
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Thank you
Comment from Helen Tan
This form of this poem is different from most I've read. I like the somber and dignified tone of it. There's definitely a lot of soulful words here. I enjoyed it, thanks.
so for you of little faith and governing powers can keep that peace
for which we few paid the ultimate price only a soldier can give,
The people, the masses at home enjoy peace at the cost of a few brave soldiers. This is something we take for granted and forget the faceless soldiers defending the country.
Dare we call from beneath this cross of stone,always reminding you of the confusion from history,
I love this line. History is written by accademic people, not necessarily the soldiers who fought the war, the people who have the true story. History is distorted to suit the governing powers and people don't usually want to face the truth. Maybe we're in denial, we can't face the truth. In contrast these soldiers who died for their country had the truth thrown in their faces.
fall victim to events we ignored
This is the sad thing about history, we don't learn our lesson and many atrocities and mistakes from our past continue in present day.
Can we rest from the toils of battle at peace,with the understanding that history will show the distinguished who have fallen will live on in the hearts and actions of men who remember the injustice from their past or will fall victim to events we ignored.
I had to read this line a few more times. I think a few commas would make the meaning clearer and there may be a "will" too many, maybe the last "will'. Still, it did not take away too much from the power of this poem.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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This form of this poem is different from most I've read. I like the somber and dignified tone of it. There's definitely a lot of soulful words here. I enjoyed it, thanks.
so for you of little faith and governing powers can keep that peace
for which we few paid the ultimate price only a soldier can give,
The people, the masses at home enjoy peace at the cost of a few brave soldiers. This is something we take for granted and forget the faceless soldiers defending the country.
Dare we call from beneath this cross of stone,always reminding you of the confusion from history,
I love this line. History is written by accademic people, not necessarily the soldiers who fought the war, the people who have the true story. History is distorted to suit the governing powers and people don't usually want to face the truth. Maybe we're in denial, we can't face the truth. In contrast these soldiers who died for their country had the truth thrown in their faces.
fall victim to events we ignored
This is the sad thing about history, we don't learn our lesson and many atrocities and mistakes from our past continue in present day.
Can we rest from the toils of battle at peace,with the understanding that history will show the distinguished who have fallen will live on in the hearts and actions of men who remember the injustice from their past or will fall victim to events we ignored.
I had to read this line a few more times. I think a few commas would make the meaning clearer and there may be a "will" too many, maybe the last "will'. Still, it did not take away too much from the power of this poem.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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thank you
Comment from Njorgensen
This is full of powerful words reflective of so many emotions. It is well thought out and very well written. The strength of the message is booming. Excellent job.
Nancy
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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This is full of powerful words reflective of so many emotions. It is well thought out and very well written. The strength of the message is booming. Excellent job.
Nancy
Comment Written 28-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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thank you