Revisit The Sins of the Grandfather
Viewing comments for Prologue "The Insatiable Countess Dracula"The Tracks of a Poem To a Play
31 total reviews
Comment from roof35
This is certainly full of horror. I had a hard time reading it to the end. However, it is perfectly written. I could detect no errors all the way through it. Your professionalism is apparent.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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This is certainly full of horror. I had a hard time reading it to the end. However, it is perfectly written. I could detect no errors all the way through it. Your professionalism is apparent.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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You are very kind, my friend, both in your comment and your bestowal of stars! Thanks for both.
Comment from w.j.debi
You hooked me and kept me reading. As much as I wanted to stop, the story was too horrific to look away. I so wanted Emika to get away. This woman's actions are so over the top that no one would believe the story if it were fiction.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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You hooked me and kept me reading. As much as I wanted to stop, the story was too horrific to look away. I so wanted Emika to get away. This woman's actions are so over the top that no one would believe the story if it were fiction.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Yes, my job was made easier by having the Countess be an actual historic personage. Thank you so much for your thoughts and, over the top with your stars.
Comment from Mastery
Hello Jay. I saw this yesterday but purposely saved it for today so I could award it the six stars it deserves. Great horror story and fantastic writing here, my friend. Your imagery is wonderful and I must say, for some reason, you have come a long way with that and showing as opposed to telling. Bravo!
Some of the images I liked were here:
"Now, drawing herself within her shawl, Emika used her crossed, spindly arms to press whatever warmth she could conserve to her chest. A small part of her mind was aware of the monotonous sound of ice and pebbles crunching under metal wheels. However, something else gathered her attention as the carriage swayed and rocked through the countryside in its ascent to the castle Csejthe.
And: "He had to step over bodies to be able to peer into the farthest, darkest corner of the room, where an extinguished torch smoked in its sconce."
Suggestion if I may: Here: "would soon be schooling her in." I think you would be best to change this part to " "would soon be teaching her"
Also, The name of the castle does not slide off the tongue easily. I would make it much more simple, something like "Moorhead" perhaps.
Good luck with it for the contest Jay. Bob
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Hello Jay. I saw this yesterday but purposely saved it for today so I could award it the six stars it deserves. Great horror story and fantastic writing here, my friend. Your imagery is wonderful and I must say, for some reason, you have come a long way with that and showing as opposed to telling. Bravo!
Some of the images I liked were here:
"Now, drawing herself within her shawl, Emika used her crossed, spindly arms to press whatever warmth she could conserve to her chest. A small part of her mind was aware of the monotonous sound of ice and pebbles crunching under metal wheels. However, something else gathered her attention as the carriage swayed and rocked through the countryside in its ascent to the castle Csejthe.
And: "He had to step over bodies to be able to peer into the farthest, darkest corner of the room, where an extinguished torch smoked in its sconce."
Suggestion if I may: Here: "would soon be schooling her in." I think you would be best to change this part to " "would soon be teaching her"
Also, The name of the castle does not slide off the tongue easily. I would make it much more simple, something like "Moorhead" perhaps.
Good luck with it for the contest Jay. Bob
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Love the six, my friend. And also, your kind words and support. I felt good about this post, despite its length (which is definitely limiting readership). I made the change to "teaching her." Thanks for that! As far as the castle name, I must leave it at that to preserve the historical accuracy. There is a strong historical context with the name of the "castle Csejthe" in all the source material I provided.
Again, Bob, huge thanks for everything.
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Great job my friend. Bob
Comment from robyn corum
Jay,
It amazes me that more of us aren't aware of this lovely lady. I follow a lot of serial killers and their adventures and I don't think I'd ever heard of this chick. Wow.
The six is not for the content - though it is entirely appropriate - it's for the skill with which you wove this story. Putting us right there. -- ick. Now, I'll have to have a bath.
Thanks - wonderful job - good luck!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Jay,
It amazes me that more of us aren't aware of this lovely lady. I follow a lot of serial killers and their adventures and I don't think I'd ever heard of this chick. Wow.
The six is not for the content - though it is entirely appropriate - it's for the skill with which you wove this story. Putting us right there. -- ick. Now, I'll have to have a bath.
Thanks - wonderful job - good luck!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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That's right! I remember the story you wrote about the early west and the daughter who was a serial killer. All these years and I still remember that. Thanks for your generosity and supportive words.
Comment from lancellot
Excellent, the time and research put into this makes you worthy of a six alone. I also like the added emotion and showing. There is nothing wrong with bringing what a person most likely was thinking or feeling. The reader is imagining anyway. If it works for Hollywood then have at it. You disclosed ir, so its all good.
Now, I too am wondering what happened to Anna Darvolya, and why none of the servants escaped or killed the Countess. They had to know what their fate would be compared to hers if found out.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Excellent, the time and research put into this makes you worthy of a six alone. I also like the added emotion and showing. There is nothing wrong with bringing what a person most likely was thinking or feeling. The reader is imagining anyway. If it works for Hollywood then have at it. You disclosed ir, so its all good.
Now, I too am wondering what happened to Anna Darvolya, and why none of the servants escaped or killed the Countess. They had to know what their fate would be compared to hers if found out.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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So, there's another story, mid the shards of charred flesh and bloat? What happened to Anna Darvolya? Did she retire to a nunnery? Become an Abby there. I think in real life, Anna got some of the Countess Erzsebet's leftovers.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Wow you sure picked a horror story and made it come alive. Had just been helping the husband cut up part of a deer and then read this. Really too much. But your writing is very good and grabs the imagination. Best of luck with your writing.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Wow you sure picked a horror story and made it come alive. Had just been helping the husband cut up part of a deer and then read this. Really too much. But your writing is very good and grabs the imagination. Best of luck with your writing.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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I appreciate your kind words and the shiny stars. I'm afraid this story is making vegetarians out of a lot of former carnivores.
Comment from DonandVicki
Good non-fiction is hard to find on this site and I did enjoy reading your well constructed post. I have a hard time reading fiction, It's like reading someone's imagination. Your true story is good reading. Don
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Good non-fiction is hard to find on this site and I did enjoy reading your well constructed post. I have a hard time reading fiction, It's like reading someone's imagination. Your true story is good reading. Don
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Well! Thank you, Don. A Six! My, my, my! I'm so happy you enjoyed reading this piece. I know it is long. Your support is appreciated!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Jay
Your Historical Fiction about The Insatiable Countess Dracula Is excellent of how you gave us readers a horrific view of the terror that I read about the sadistic scenes that Emika viewed.
Gert
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Jay
Your Historical Fiction about The Insatiable Countess Dracula Is excellent of how you gave us readers a horrific view of the terror that I read about the sadistic scenes that Emika viewed.
Gert
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Gert. It got far more positive feedback than I'd anticipated.
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You are most welcome
Jay Squires
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
JAY SQUIRES:
Somehow, I don't believe anyone is going to write a story any more
horrific than this one. As I was reading, I was wondering what made
these things come into your imagination, having no idea this was
based on real-life events. How sick some people were - and are. Good
luck in the contest.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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JAY SQUIRES:
Somehow, I don't believe anyone is going to write a story any more
horrific than this one. As I was reading, I was wondering what made
these things come into your imagination, having no idea this was
based on real-life events. How sick some people were - and are. Good
luck in the contest.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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You are right. My imagination couldn't have conjured such scenes without the help from history. Thanks for your input. The comments have been thus-far gorily positive.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
All I can say is "Wow!" Erzsebet makes Count Dracula look like Dennis the Menace. Those girls and young women underwent such terror. So you admit that Emika was a fictional character, but what about Erzsebet? Was she an actual figure of history? She definitely deserved to have her fingers snapped off, too, and burned alive.
There are a lot of crazies in the world. We just have to hope our paths don't cross. I remember Hannibal Lecter. The 2001 movie with Anthony Hopkins and Julianne Moore was full of terror. The scene where he killed the Italian detective, Rinaldo Pazzi, disemboweling him and left hanging from the balcony was pretty gruesome. And then, when Hannibal removed some of the brains of Justice Department official, Paul Krendler, and sauteed them, and actually fed them to the poor sap... macabre.
You must have had nightmares as you researched and wrote this piece, Jay. You did an awesome job.
A few years back, I was having a series of spooky nightmares about vampires. I don't know why. It was freaky. This one vampire was standing in the field behind our garden home, just watching. Creepy! I wouldn't be surprised if I have a nightmare tonight!
Nicely penned! I'll be surprised if you don't win.
"A small part of her mind was aware of the monotonous sound of ice and pebbles crunching under metal wheels. However, something else gathered her attention as the carriage swayed and rocked through the countryside in its ascent to the castle Csejthe. This stone-faced woman, who promised miracles to her Mama, whose knees pressed against her own, was now humming a melody-less tune, and stopped it only to intone through lips that seemed not to move, "Soon, my dove, soon."
How could you not win? Dean Kuch would have loved this.
"Scrabbling to her knees she vomited and continued retching until her ribs ached." ... (I suggest,
Scrambling to her knees, she vomited and continued retching until her ribs ached.)
Good Luck!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Hi Jay,
All I can say is "Wow!" Erzsebet makes Count Dracula look like Dennis the Menace. Those girls and young women underwent such terror. So you admit that Emika was a fictional character, but what about Erzsebet? Was she an actual figure of history? She definitely deserved to have her fingers snapped off, too, and burned alive.
There are a lot of crazies in the world. We just have to hope our paths don't cross. I remember Hannibal Lecter. The 2001 movie with Anthony Hopkins and Julianne Moore was full of terror. The scene where he killed the Italian detective, Rinaldo Pazzi, disemboweling him and left hanging from the balcony was pretty gruesome. And then, when Hannibal removed some of the brains of Justice Department official, Paul Krendler, and sauteed them, and actually fed them to the poor sap... macabre.
You must have had nightmares as you researched and wrote this piece, Jay. You did an awesome job.
A few years back, I was having a series of spooky nightmares about vampires. I don't know why. It was freaky. This one vampire was standing in the field behind our garden home, just watching. Creepy! I wouldn't be surprised if I have a nightmare tonight!
Nicely penned! I'll be surprised if you don't win.
"A small part of her mind was aware of the monotonous sound of ice and pebbles crunching under metal wheels. However, something else gathered her attention as the carriage swayed and rocked through the countryside in its ascent to the castle Csejthe. This stone-faced woman, who promised miracles to her Mama, whose knees pressed against her own, was now humming a melody-less tune, and stopped it only to intone through lips that seemed not to move, "Soon, my dove, soon."
How could you not win? Dean Kuch would have loved this.
"Scrabbling to her knees she vomited and continued retching until her ribs ached." ... (I suggest,
Scrambling to her knees, she vomited and continued retching until her ribs ached.)
Good Luck!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 16-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2021
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Whoa! Thank you, Kimbob. That's quite a tribute. Dean was quite the character, wasn't he? Always the gentleman. But we had some heart-to-hearts and he had some dark memories as a child.
I was drawn to writing about this when my son told me about Bram Stoker (Sp?) getting the idea for Count Drakula after having read the accounts of Countess Bothary. Bathing in her victims' blood was perhaps overstated, but she is recorded as having commented that their blood on her hands and arms kept kept them supple and beautiful. That photo that was modeled after her likeness, I felt was a find. It was taken from a larger picture showing the naked girls, living and dead in a kind of huge sandbox in front of her. But her smiling expression is what I found horribly dissolute.