The Pods of Unknowing
Journey to Awakening29 total reviews
Comment from kmoss
I enjoyed this future flash fiction piece! Too bad a low word count was a requirement of the contest. I have a feeling this could be a much longer story.
I couldn't help but think of the dating show on Netflix called Love is Blind. They actually have to chose their bride or groom strictly based on conversations had from pod to pod.
Good luck in the contest (as if you'll need it!)
My favorite part:The jumble of out-of-tune auras pained me, so I hummed a thin melody only I could hear.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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I enjoyed this future flash fiction piece! Too bad a low word count was a requirement of the contest. I have a feeling this could be a much longer story.
I couldn't help but think of the dating show on Netflix called Love is Blind. They actually have to chose their bride or groom strictly based on conversations had from pod to pod.
Good luck in the contest (as if you'll need it!)
My favorite part:The jumble of out-of-tune auras pained me, so I hummed a thin melody only I could hear.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Ha! Like my pal, Krystal, I don't win contests. Thanks though for the 6 stars and your kind words.
Comment from Sanku
It is very brainy and i took some time trying to digest it. I loved the first paragraph- the way to pronounce his name .Since he uses his brain too much the council has decided to shuttle him off to one of the four satellites.Waiting in the nearest pod of unknowing he receives a robe and is told that the pod of creation is his destination. The word 'executioner ' confused me .
Did you intend to imp y that in the future world very intelligent people have no place here ?
And the appearance of maman? It was not a dream was it like some old fashioned stories?
great effort.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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It is very brainy and i took some time trying to digest it. I loved the first paragraph- the way to pronounce his name .Since he uses his brain too much the council has decided to shuttle him off to one of the four satellites.Waiting in the nearest pod of unknowing he receives a robe and is told that the pod of creation is his destination. The word 'executioner ' confused me .
Did you intend to imp y that in the future world very intelligent people have no place here ?
And the appearance of maman? It was not a dream was it like some old fashioned stories?
great effort.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Many thanks, Sanku. The six stars is a delight to me. If he saw a woman wearing a multi-colored robe like his own she would be there to kill him since it meant that he would be the betrayer. I left it purposely open-ended in so many areas. I had to. Fanstory was too stingy with their words.
Comment from RetroStarfish
This is a wonderful story on every count: short, science fiction, clever plot and oh-such-lovely imagery:
"...glide, like a swan's landing...jumble of out-of-tune auras... the crisp rap of knuckles."
Also, the character you've created in these few short paragraphs is very real and well drawn.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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This is a wonderful story on every count: short, science fiction, clever plot and oh-such-lovely imagery:
"...glide, like a swan's landing...jumble of out-of-tune auras... the crisp rap of knuckles."
Also, the character you've created in these few short paragraphs is very real and well drawn.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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You are so kind. I am thrilled that you enjoyed the imagery and characterization.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jay, so here goes my last six. Your imagination and creativity is just exceptional. I loved it. I know this is a story for the contest, but have you thought of expanding on it? It's great as it is though. What and ending! Good luck. A joy to read.Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Hi Jay, so here goes my last six. Your imagination and creativity is just exceptional. I loved it. I know this is a story for the contest, but have you thought of expanding on it? It's great as it is though. What and ending! Good luck. A joy to read.Ulla:)))
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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As a matter of fact, Ulla, the original idea was much to broad in scope to fit into a 500-word frame, so I had to abandon it and work off of just one part of it. Thank you so much for the six stars. Your last one! You just got them yesterday. LOL.
Comment from royowen
Is Maman the source of Jose' Dmitry Smytheburg, and will she escort him to his pod of unknowing, creation, who knows. Loved this quirky creation, just way harder out for those ."pods of creation." Well done,Jay, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Is Maman the source of Jose' Dmitry Smytheburg, and will she escort him to his pod of unknowing, creation, who knows. Loved this quirky creation, just way harder out for those ."pods of creation." Well done,Jay, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Oh, Roy, I left this open to interpretation on so many levels. That's what I do when the subject is large and the space limited. I'm glad, at least, that it didn't turn you off.
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No, of course not
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Again you have written something I really enjoyed reading. Should we perhaps know the color of her robe at the end? I think he might see the robe before the woman. Or perhaps that is the mystery. The first sentence in paragraph 2 is a bit awkward so I don't quite get its meaning. Will keep looking for more of your writing.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Again you have written something I really enjoyed reading. Should we perhaps know the color of her robe at the end? I think he might see the robe before the woman. Or perhaps that is the mystery. The first sentence in paragraph 2 is a bit awkward so I don't quite get its meaning. Will keep looking for more of your writing.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Carol, especially for your candor about the awkward sentence. I believe it is more about one word in that sentence. I have sense changed "detached" to "contemplative". The entire piece, though, is left open to speculation. That's what happens when the subject is so large and the allowable space limited.
Comment from karenina
Well, Jay, you do not disappoint. I stand in awe of your imagination and at the same time my brain stem tingles, recognizing this as something thinly veiled that is happening among us even now. God forbid one stands out, reveals talent or knowledge above the norm--either a traitor or a savant? Either way a "deviant" from societal norms who ought to be isolated. Perhaps we have not reached the point of pods YET--but oh, in the name of all that is holy we create and recreate the discovery ad betrayal and the sacrifice of rising above... The underpinnings of religious references intrigue me and I've just gone back to read again...
Yes. Yes--I sense it, I feel it lurking behind the words. Do not give up our souls at the expense of another's decree! What can I say? A fan for sure... If this isn't six star writing, nothing is...Karenina
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Well, Jay, you do not disappoint. I stand in awe of your imagination and at the same time my brain stem tingles, recognizing this as something thinly veiled that is happening among us even now. God forbid one stands out, reveals talent or knowledge above the norm--either a traitor or a savant? Either way a "deviant" from societal norms who ought to be isolated. Perhaps we have not reached the point of pods YET--but oh, in the name of all that is holy we create and recreate the discovery ad betrayal and the sacrifice of rising above... The underpinnings of religious references intrigue me and I've just gone back to read again...
Yes. Yes--I sense it, I feel it lurking behind the words. Do not give up our souls at the expense of another's decree! What can I say? A fan for sure... If this isn't six star writing, nothing is...Karenina
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Bless you and your uncanny perceptiveness, Karenina. Can you wait a day? That is when I will have my replenishment of reviewer referrals (I hope you weren't one away from winning this month.) Your name is on my list of "to-receives". Your review was stunning!
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Thanks Jay...I'm NEVER one away from winning...and reviewing work as superlative as yours is a reward in itself, believe me! SO glad I'll me notified each time you post now! Amazing mind you have... Karenina
Comment from amada
Hi Jay, talented writer. I read with much interest, and admiration this astonishing view of a future. Intriguing name, Maman; it might leads to something unforeseen for us. I am sure there is much more to come.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Hi Jay, talented writer. I read with much interest, and admiration this astonishing view of a future. Intriguing name, Maman; it might leads to something unforeseen for us. I am sure there is much more to come.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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There is nothing more to come for this tale. Thank you so much for your kind words and the 5 lovely stars.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your creativity with this contest entry is amazing. I enjoyed reading. As usual I always learn from your reading and this post is no different. I am wondering what will happen next. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Your creativity with this contest entry is amazing. I enjoyed reading. As usual I always learn from your reading and this post is no different. I am wondering what will happen next. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Barbara. This is getting mixed reviews. It's so good to get a 6 from someone who knows writing and also is not blowing smoke.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Good Morning, Jay!
Another stellar write filled with creativity and unique plot and characters. My first impression of "Jose" was his arrogance, and yet I now see that his self-absorption is key to the entire story.
Of course, the ending: did NOT see that coming!
Kudos!
Much enjoyed!
Thank you!
diane
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Good Morning, Jay!
Another stellar write filled with creativity and unique plot and characters. My first impression of "Jose" was his arrogance, and yet I now see that his self-absorption is key to the entire story.
Of course, the ending: did NOT see that coming!
Kudos!
Much enjoyed!
Thank you!
diane
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Well, I'm just happy you read it with the drapes of your mind thrown wide open. Honestly, no one saw the ending coming. Including me. There's something there. I'm not sure yet what it is. Thank you, Diane.