Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Genius in Love (Scene 5)"In Search of a Soul
34 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Never apologize for the vision, the dream, you put on paper (or the computer). It's yours to see and yours to share as you wish. My son is the screenwriter and film producer and a stickler for those "details" left to the director so he tells me to stay away from scripts because I tend to flourish when sharing my thoughts on how it should be... I as the reader enjoy it more when I too can see your vision.... It makes it easier to be a part of it not just waiting for someone else's vision to take your words and mold them their way. I rattle on too much...Sorry. Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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Never apologize for the vision, the dream, you put on paper (or the computer). It's yours to see and yours to share as you wish. My son is the screenwriter and film producer and a stickler for those "details" left to the director so he tells me to stay away from scripts because I tend to flourish when sharing my thoughts on how it should be... I as the reader enjoy it more when I too can see your vision.... It makes it easier to be a part of it not just waiting for someone else's vision to take your words and mold them their way. I rattle on too much...Sorry. Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 12-May-2021
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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You can rattle on as long as you want. I'll always have an ear inclined to you. I'm so happy you enjoyed my "vision". Not everyone does. I got my first 3-star rating today.
Come Saturday (at 9 PM LA time) I'm posting another play, done in verse. You may get a kick out of it. I'm alerting you because I won't be able to promote it much, so if you are at all interested, I want you to be the first to find it. Again, thanks for your kind words, Carol.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I really liked this. Having had an autistic boy in my classes, even more handsome than yours, I know you do need more stage directions as few people really know how autism affects the subject's thought processes. Your directions are easier to follow than mine, so they are a bit of a teaching episode. Also the play I put up was way too long for nearly anyone to get through.
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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I really liked this. Having had an autistic boy in my classes, even more handsome than yours, I know you do need more stage directions as few people really know how autism affects the subject's thought processes. Your directions are easier to follow than mine, so they are a bit of a teaching episode. Also the play I put up was way too long for nearly anyone to get through.
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
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Carol, I'm humbled by your kind words. I'm thrilled that you found something of value beyond entertainment in my play. I hope you'll catch the subsequent scenes.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Jay,
I really enjoyed the continuation of this scene. I was able to read for enjoyment and absorb the details in my mind's eye. This might be a mixed-medium blending of story writing and play writing, but it has an appeal of allowing the reader to hear and see the scene in detail as if we are sitting in the play, observing, and catching the nuances of a movie screen.)
I left the scene with a vivid sense of Cornelius being harassed by a child who very much cares about his image... James... who doesn't seem to like being ignored; perhaps picking on Cornellius to cope with Cornelius's not only being different, but him maybe not even trying to adhere to those stifling social norms James may very much care about mastering (given his trying to save face on being called out), thus ... Cornellius is a threat to those social norms and hierarchies.
Or maybe poo just rolls downhill. Or... Kids can be mean.
Either way, the school yard bully is shown pecking away at the lone victim, and the underlings join in. And it's clear that a softer soul in Jennie finds the cruel treatment difficult to deal with too, her seeming brave enough to not fall into the group and participate, but not brave enough to take on the injustice of youth.
Being someone who appreciates the coping skill of plain old ignoring reality, I feel for Cornelius's dismay at losing a treasured escape. Cillia is there, and she uses her tools to try and get Cornelius to accept that his old coping skills need an update, but she's there.
Of course... it's not an easy sell, especially with challenges like James and Howard the Dud-dad. There's hint toward Cillia making moves to open music's door as an escape, as well as she seems to recognize some of the waiting pleasures of growing up hidden between the torments.
My thoughts along the way:
Stunningly attractive, {His}(his)? mother dresses him fashionably and impeccably.
nothing. CILILLA, in her short[,] mini-skirt, watches,
(suggest no comma because mini is attached to the skirt as the same word)
know how that goes...
(this scene gives a solid goonish and gradeschool feel. I like the setup as it puts James clearly in wrong, and he's very worried about his appearance, not only that but there's a sensed refusal to even admit wrongdoing from him. He is king of the courtyard, and on the moral highground. Cornelius deserves the taunting, because Cornelius isn't conforming, and how dare he be different.)
--but things you must adapt to.
(Ah, the pangs of growing up, and the confusion, and the loss of being able to just go off to another place.
No(,)? Sweetie.
(suggesting the comma, though I know it's short phrased and such.)
where she is .... Cornelius ...
(Cililla delivers a cold dose of reality to a child who lives on the outside steps of reality. Finds it difficult to react with reality. Though, I'm probably biased in believing Cornelius could have the stamina to disagree with Cillia to infinity. (I have yet to convince my cousin we are not going to Frankenmuth (all us cousins together) until we win the lottery. I've been at it for 20 years. Some castles always exist.)
on your own.
(I like that there's a tear down and rebuild here; with Cillia being firm. Jennie is a new horizon, perhaps, that might help and hurt in those transitions from youth to getting older. There's a sweetness of youth... Cornellious is innocent in his way, and Jennie in hers. she clearly likes him though)
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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Hi, Jay,
I really enjoyed the continuation of this scene. I was able to read for enjoyment and absorb the details in my mind's eye. This might be a mixed-medium blending of story writing and play writing, but it has an appeal of allowing the reader to hear and see the scene in detail as if we are sitting in the play, observing, and catching the nuances of a movie screen.)
I left the scene with a vivid sense of Cornelius being harassed by a child who very much cares about his image... James... who doesn't seem to like being ignored; perhaps picking on Cornellius to cope with Cornelius's not only being different, but him maybe not even trying to adhere to those stifling social norms James may very much care about mastering (given his trying to save face on being called out), thus ... Cornellius is a threat to those social norms and hierarchies.
Or maybe poo just rolls downhill. Or... Kids can be mean.
Either way, the school yard bully is shown pecking away at the lone victim, and the underlings join in. And it's clear that a softer soul in Jennie finds the cruel treatment difficult to deal with too, her seeming brave enough to not fall into the group and participate, but not brave enough to take on the injustice of youth.
Being someone who appreciates the coping skill of plain old ignoring reality, I feel for Cornelius's dismay at losing a treasured escape. Cillia is there, and she uses her tools to try and get Cornelius to accept that his old coping skills need an update, but she's there.
Of course... it's not an easy sell, especially with challenges like James and Howard the Dud-dad. There's hint toward Cillia making moves to open music's door as an escape, as well as she seems to recognize some of the waiting pleasures of growing up hidden between the torments.
My thoughts along the way:
Stunningly attractive, {His}(his)? mother dresses him fashionably and impeccably.
nothing. CILILLA, in her short[,] mini-skirt, watches,
(suggest no comma because mini is attached to the skirt as the same word)
know how that goes...
(this scene gives a solid goonish and gradeschool feel. I like the setup as it puts James clearly in wrong, and he's very worried about his appearance, not only that but there's a sensed refusal to even admit wrongdoing from him. He is king of the courtyard, and on the moral highground. Cornelius deserves the taunting, because Cornelius isn't conforming, and how dare he be different.)
--but things you must adapt to.
(Ah, the pangs of growing up, and the confusion, and the loss of being able to just go off to another place.
No(,)? Sweetie.
(suggesting the comma, though I know it's short phrased and such.)
where she is .... Cornelius ...
(Cililla delivers a cold dose of reality to a child who lives on the outside steps of reality. Finds it difficult to react with reality. Though, I'm probably biased in believing Cornelius could have the stamina to disagree with Cillia to infinity. (I have yet to convince my cousin we are not going to Frankenmuth (all us cousins together) until we win the lottery. I've been at it for 20 years. Some castles always exist.)
on your own.
(I like that there's a tear down and rebuild here; with Cillia being firm. Jennie is a new horizon, perhaps, that might help and hurt in those transitions from youth to getting older. There's a sweetness of youth... Cornellious is innocent in his way, and Jennie in hers. she clearly likes him though)
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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I value your reviews so much, Turtle. I mean, who wouldn't love having another writer devote so much time when I know she has precious little of it after working, mothering, wife-ing, and tending your own muse, to wander around my pastures. Know it is appreciated more than I can express to you. If I'm not mistaken, I've already given you a reviewer recommendation. We'll find out when I try right now. Stay healthy, dear Turtle!
Comment from RGstar
Even though most of the scenes are very detailed, a little more insight to thought and emotion, rather than just direction, or what I would call, instructive, there is something special about the detail. The characters, the story, and the reasoning, all play a part, instead of total concentration on what comes next or the positioning and technical aspects.
Well done.
Great story.
Best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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Even though most of the scenes are very detailed, a little more insight to thought and emotion, rather than just direction, or what I would call, instructive, there is something special about the detail. The characters, the story, and the reasoning, all play a part, instead of total concentration on what comes next or the positioning and technical aspects.
Well done.
Great story.
Best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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Yes the directional detail is a hard line not to cross, hence the Author Notes, detailing how I choose not to try to stay on one side of the line. I'm writing it for the reader, not the actors or director.
Bless you for the six-shooter. I've given up holding onto them past the weekend.
By the way ... while I have you as a captive audience, I'd love to have you take a look at my free-verse play, the first scene of which I'll be posting on Saturday night. (9 PM PST). Since I won't have much money to promote it, I want to give you the chance to catch it while it has a 50 % pump attached. Of course, I know you're busy, so if you can't catch it, I understand.
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Ok Jay...I'll take a look in on Saturday
Comment from GE Parson
Wow! this is a longgggg story, but a very interesting read. Now I need to tell you, I've never won any spelling contests but I did not see any mis-spelled words or bad grammer in your story. Also I need to tell you I am not the best critiquer in the writing world, but I critique
this write - excellent! Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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Wow! this is a longgggg story, but a very interesting read. Now I need to tell you, I've never won any spelling contests but I did not see any mis-spelled words or bad grammer in your story. Also I need to tell you I am not the best critiquer in the writing world, but I critique
this write - excellent! Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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GE, if you truly liked it, that is credit enough. I thank you. You won't find too many grammatical errors or other SPAG in my writing only because I spend an inordinate time editing, and re-editing. It's a lot of extra work, but I don't want anything to interfere with the reader's enjoyment of what he/she/'s reading.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I don't think you need to apologize, as a kid this is how I was instructed that a play should be written. This passage opens the door to real life for the little genius: "Sweetie. Sweet Cornelius, for the same reason that Pidely-Poo can never be a part of your life again, I will be powerless to step in and help you when bad things, like today, happen. Can you understand that, Sweetie? There are things you must learn in life by facing them. I will be here, afterward, like I am now, as long as they think I'm needed ... to kind of sort out things; do you know what I mean? To help you work with things--and not all of them bad things--but things you must adapt to." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next scene.
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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I don't think you need to apologize, as a kid this is how I was instructed that a play should be written. This passage opens the door to real life for the little genius: "Sweetie. Sweet Cornelius, for the same reason that Pidely-Poo can never be a part of your life again, I will be powerless to step in and help you when bad things, like today, happen. Can you understand that, Sweetie? There are things you must learn in life by facing them. I will be here, afterward, like I am now, as long as they think I'm needed ... to kind of sort out things; do you know what I mean? To help you work with things--and not all of them bad things--but things you must adapt to." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next scene.
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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Thank you, Iza for your kind words. and the lovely twinkler!
Comment from muffinmama
This scene is a setup for the story's expansion into several action paths. What will happen to James? If punishment, then Cornelius will bear the brunt of more abuse. What can Jennie bring to his life that will possibly open up his horizons a bit? Is that even possible?
Cililla provides the most intriguing addition to all the other clues of a life change.
You have definitely left us hanging here.
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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This scene is a setup for the story's expansion into several action paths. What will happen to James? If punishment, then Cornelius will bear the brunt of more abuse. What can Jennie bring to his life that will possibly open up his horizons a bit? Is that even possible?
Cililla provides the most intriguing addition to all the other clues of a life change.
You have definitely left us hanging here.
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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That's my job. The official hangman. LOL, I'm so happy you find it worthwhile, Ryma. Enough so to award it a chartreuse cross! Thank you! Some things will be tied together, others will be loosened more.
Comment from BethShelby
I'm enjoying the play so please don't close it. I'm glad you explained in your notes the finer points, such as seeing the lash of he eye against his cheekbone, is for the reader of the play to see, rather then the director to actually direct. I do believe you seem to have a good grasp of what might be going on in the mind of an autistic teen. It must be really painful to survive in a world of normal peers. Teen age bullies wouldn't hesitate to make like even more miserable.
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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I'm enjoying the play so please don't close it. I'm glad you explained in your notes the finer points, such as seeing the lash of he eye against his cheekbone, is for the reader of the play to see, rather then the director to actually direct. I do believe you seem to have a good grasp of what might be going on in the mind of an autistic teen. It must be really painful to survive in a world of normal peers. Teen age bullies wouldn't hesitate to make like even more miserable.
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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Yes, I agree about Teenage bullies. I'm not sure whether I'll continue this into his high school years, or not. Thanks Beth for the lovely six stars and noticing the eyelash. You should have seen this 81 year-old winking at himself in the mirror, trying to find enough of an eyelash to model for the narrative.
Comment from DentedSyke
First, I appreciate the author's notes. Second, I agree that you have no need of apology.
This is terrific work. The script does what it is supposed to do: tell us (the non-directors) what is being said, and how it is delivered. The setup is fantastic. I think you have a winner with Cornelius and the assorted cast of characters. Nice!
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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First, I appreciate the author's notes. Second, I agree that you have no need of apology.
This is terrific work. The script does what it is supposed to do: tell us (the non-directors) what is being said, and how it is delivered. The setup is fantastic. I think you have a winner with Cornelius and the assorted cast of characters. Nice!
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
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You are most kind, DentedSyke. I remember that name. Did I read something of yours? Or did you read an earlier scene from this play? Either way, you are appreciated! Thank you!
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Both, I think. Cheers!
Comment from Dr. Nad
Genius in Love (Scene 5) Is a very well-written script that embraces a very real but challenging subject. The subject of autism and special needs children. It would be easier to handle this subject in a stereotypical way and with insensitivity to those who experienced the day-to-day challenges and frustration. Autism is a condition that often shrouds highly intelligent individuals from revealing and developing their great potential. Jay has done an extremely laudable job of getting all the newbies like me up and running with the extensive character list and qualities that they exhibit. The extensive choreographing is helpful to the reader that wants to experience some level of empathy with these characters. My typical experience of catching one chapter in the middle of a book is unfulfilling because there's so much that I'm lacking. With this chapter, there was enough going on that the script in conjunction with the cribbing, provided meaningful narrative. Jay had built in a construct with background prior to reading the chapter that buttrused this well-written scene. Thanks for sharing. Embrace the Love from Above.
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Genius in Love (Scene 5) Is a very well-written script that embraces a very real but challenging subject. The subject of autism and special needs children. It would be easier to handle this subject in a stereotypical way and with insensitivity to those who experienced the day-to-day challenges and frustration. Autism is a condition that often shrouds highly intelligent individuals from revealing and developing their great potential. Jay has done an extremely laudable job of getting all the newbies like me up and running with the extensive character list and qualities that they exhibit. The extensive choreographing is helpful to the reader that wants to experience some level of empathy with these characters. My typical experience of catching one chapter in the middle of a book is unfulfilling because there's so much that I'm lacking. With this chapter, there was enough going on that the script in conjunction with the cribbing, provided meaningful narrative. Jay had built in a construct with background prior to reading the chapter that buttrused this well-written scene. Thanks for sharing. Embrace the Love from Above.
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
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Thank you so much for your exhaustive detail. That's how I can see if I am connecting with the reader. I see that I am with you. I am no psychiatrist or therapist. I am a writer who can only create reality by slipping inside each character and monitor their reactions when they interrelate. I couldn't even approach Cornelius's mind, which is why I use Cililla as a filtering device. So far, judging from the readers' responses, it's working. Thank you, Dr. Nad, with a lovely child in his arms. God bless you and yours. Don't leave until l thank you for the lovely six stars!
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You are most welcome my friend. The little lady in my arms has an identical twin sister and they are 12 years old. Grandchildren grow fast LOL
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That must mean you're 11 years older than in the picture. Grandpas grow older fast, too! I'm proof of that!
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You are correct Jay. Somehow, unbeknownst to me, 66 years have crept up behind me and passed through me. LOL