Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 31"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
20 total reviews
Comment from Carol Clark2
So much excitement happens in this book! Now we know what's been transported in the barrels all along. Allie is enduring so much pain. I do hope she recovers soon. Great job on this chapter. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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So much excitement happens in this book! Now we know what's been transported in the barrels all along. Allie is enduring so much pain. I do hope she recovers soon. Great job on this chapter. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Her knife wound has opened and the stitches are broke. She wasn't fully healed. Impatient ... much like me! LOL
Thanks for the kind review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Carol, you are doing a great job of painting the pictures in this story with a really clear descriptive narrative. You have a talent for making the reader feel included in the scene. This chapter deserves ****** it is so well done.
What will Allie do with this newfound felony that is being perpetrated in Liz's winery? Hopefully, she will immediately tell Garth.
Ralf
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Carol, you are doing a great job of painting the pictures in this story with a really clear descriptive narrative. You have a talent for making the reader feel included in the scene. This chapter deserves ****** it is so well done.
What will Allie do with this newfound felony that is being perpetrated in Liz's winery? Hopefully, she will immediately tell Garth.
Ralf
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Wow! Ralf... You've been a busy reader and have caught up with me. I am thrilled that you enjoyed it enough to read so much of it at one time. Impressive!
smiles, Carol
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Well in a way it is like reading a book.
The more chapters you can read sequentially the greater the impact of the story. Right?
Ralf
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Agreed! I always hate having to wait for another chapter.
Comment from Susan Newell
You are moving several of the storylines forward, have also done a good job with POV, and of not relying on present participles. There are a couple of spots where you start with pronouns rather than names, where we have to wait for you to confirm that we are right in assessing who the person is.
Notes:
her sad puppy dog eyes -- this is a little trite -- I think you can show more with better words
"I did the wiring. Jack sent me to classes. He wouldn't have let me wire this barn if he hadn't thought I could do it right." -- here's where I get technical again -- that work would require a permit, licensed electrician and inspection -- certainly Hayden is big enough to have building codes -- you could have Darryl mention that it was done by a licensed pro, and even though he isn't licensed, he worked for an electrician and double checked the work himself -- or I suppose he could say he is a licensed electrician and it was duly inspected -- just thinking as I type here
Pressed against the building, Allie claimed what shade the overhang provided. -- very nice
adrenaline -- I think you have previously spelled this without the "e" -- If I recall correctly, I looked it up (because I had learned it as you have it here) and both spellings
are acceptable, but you should be consistent
metal she touched was still hot, and she dropped it. She moved to the other end and found a short one. Tossing a few broken boards to the side, Allie pulled out the stave. -- you start with metal and end with a stave, one of the wooden slats
A wheelbarrow lay on its side -- better to be upside down if she is hiding the drugs under it
Don't need the break before the last paragraph. It's a continuation of the same scene.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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You are moving several of the storylines forward, have also done a good job with POV, and of not relying on present participles. There are a couple of spots where you start with pronouns rather than names, where we have to wait for you to confirm that we are right in assessing who the person is.
Notes:
her sad puppy dog eyes -- this is a little trite -- I think you can show more with better words
"I did the wiring. Jack sent me to classes. He wouldn't have let me wire this barn if he hadn't thought I could do it right." -- here's where I get technical again -- that work would require a permit, licensed electrician and inspection -- certainly Hayden is big enough to have building codes -- you could have Darryl mention that it was done by a licensed pro, and even though he isn't licensed, he worked for an electrician and double checked the work himself -- or I suppose he could say he is a licensed electrician and it was duly inspected -- just thinking as I type here
Pressed against the building, Allie claimed what shade the overhang provided. -- very nice
adrenaline -- I think you have previously spelled this without the "e" -- If I recall correctly, I looked it up (because I had learned it as you have it here) and both spellings
are acceptable, but you should be consistent
metal she touched was still hot, and she dropped it. She moved to the other end and found a short one. Tossing a few broken boards to the side, Allie pulled out the stave. -- you start with metal and end with a stave, one of the wooden slats
A wheelbarrow lay on its side -- better to be upside down if she is hiding the drugs under it
Don't need the break before the last paragraph. It's a continuation of the same scene.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Hey, thanks for the help and I fixed the suggestions. Wasn't too difficult at all. maybe I am becoming a better student.
If I can keep my computer from kicking out on me, I might be able to write another chapter today. I hate my internet.
Appreciate the help. Thank you! Smiles and hugs, Carol
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Welcome. Good luck with the Internet.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Obviously a number of people are being set up in this chapter, Carol. It's too bad that Hank and Garth decided to leave the property when all this happened. Hoping Allie will be alright and get what she found to them quickly enough for them to find the drugs. Great read, once again.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Obviously a number of people are being set up in this chapter, Carol. It's too bad that Hank and Garth decided to leave the property when all this happened. Hoping Allie will be alright and get what she found to them quickly enough for them to find the drugs. Great read, once again.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Every one is in the house having lunch... Hopefully someone saw or heard Allie collapse. Thanks for the review. I am thrilled you enjoyed.
smiles, Carol
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Oh, right. I was thinking they'd left the property for lunch
Comment from BethShelby
This chapter seems to deepen the mystery. I wouldn't think someone who new about the drugs in the barrels would have caused some of them to be burned and risk having the drugs discovered. I would think it would be someone hoping to push Liz into selling the place. I can't wait to find out more.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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This chapter seems to deepen the mystery. I wouldn't think someone who new about the drugs in the barrels would have caused some of them to be burned and risk having the drugs discovered. I would think it would be someone hoping to push Liz into selling the place. I can't wait to find out more.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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You are right! Someone started a fire to destroy the barn without being aware of the drug shipments...Seems if there is more than one evil person in the mix.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
The story is moving forward quite well. There appears to be more drama in officing with the all-pervasive drug issues propping up, I have a sneaking suspicion someone is going to be in big trouble. An interesting episode. Keep going. More drama. More 'Masala' as we call in India.:):)
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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The story is moving forward quite well. There appears to be more drama in officing with the all-pervasive drug issues propping up, I have a sneaking suspicion someone is going to be in big trouble. An interesting episode. Keep going. More drama. More 'Masala' as we call in India.:):)
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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More than one someone is going to be in trouble...you can count on that! There's more drama to come...Enjoy!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Ack! Allie did too much by herself. She really should have trusted Darryl. But why is her side hurting? Guess you'll tell us soon. Good that super sleuth Allie was there but why wasn't she wearing a mask and gloves??
She needed to tell hank and Garth (Hank)
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Ack! Allie did too much by herself. She really should have trusted Darryl. But why is her side hurting? Guess you'll tell us soon. Good that super sleuth Allie was there but why wasn't she wearing a mask and gloves??
She needed to tell hank and Garth (Hank)
Comment Written 24-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Her side is hurting because her knife wound hasn't fully healed and now she has ripped it open... No masks and gloves in the rough and tumble world. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Excellent write. You have created more drama with the finding of the drugs - and now the added danger to Allie. Mason Caldwell was a distraction for his henchman to start the fire. Oh dear. More twists and turns than a cut rattlesnake, as the Aussie expression goes! Very interesting story.
Wendy
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Excellent write. You have created more drama with the finding of the drugs - and now the added danger to Allie. Mason Caldwell was a distraction for his henchman to start the fire. Oh dear. More twists and turns than a cut rattlesnake, as the Aussie expression goes! Very interesting story.
Wendy
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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but we must ask, why would Mason start a fire to expose his own shipment of drugs? I think we have more than one evil person and they aren't aware of the drugs.
smiles, Carol
Comment from Jay Squires
Well, Allie's got herself smack-dab in the middle of things by finding the drugs in the false bottom of the wine barrel. You've done a fine job of editing this, Carol. I wasn't able to find any spag.
Your storyline moves along briskly, is well-paced and the element of suspense is developing with Mason Caldwell dropping off a towel to Liz at about the time the fire started. And to add suspense of another kind, Allie is beset with pain in her side, which ultimately causes her to faint on the front steps.
Good job, Carol!
Jay
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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Well, Allie's got herself smack-dab in the middle of things by finding the drugs in the false bottom of the wine barrel. You've done a fine job of editing this, Carol. I wasn't able to find any spag.
Your storyline moves along briskly, is well-paced and the element of suspense is developing with Mason Caldwell dropping off a towel to Liz at about the time the fire started. And to add suspense of another kind, Allie is beset with pain in her side, which ultimately causes her to faint on the front steps.
Good job, Carol!
Jay
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Thank you Jay for stopping by to check out one of my chapters. I am thrilled that you found it enjoyable. Quite the mysteries going on!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Vivid imagery in all senses--especially olfactory--"putrid" refers to rotting organic matter--sugg another description for the smell of burning wood. Stunning turn of events!
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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Vivid imagery in all senses--especially olfactory--"putrid" refers to rotting organic matter--sugg another description for the smell of burning wood. Stunning turn of events!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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Changed and appreciated! Thanks for the suggestion and the kind review. Smiles, Carol