Surfs up part two: THE KNOT
All tied up in knots.15 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a fantastic write. I mentioned a few areas that need assistance. Please check your speech tags.
"Ah, Jesus smiled and sat back in his chair and tapped his fingertips together; you're a surfer trying to catch a wave." (Missing quotation marks - TRY : "Ah." Jesus smiled and sat back in his chair and tapped his fingertips together;, "You're a surfer trying to catch a wave."
Mike Boat Mike opened his eyes slowly, "They weren't surfers. They were soldiers." (period needed after slowly. It's not a speech tag. There are a few more places too. If words don't actually come out of their mouth you need a period.)
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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This is a fantastic write. I mentioned a few areas that need assistance. Please check your speech tags.
"Ah, Jesus smiled and sat back in his chair and tapped his fingertips together; you're a surfer trying to catch a wave." (Missing quotation marks - TRY : "Ah." Jesus smiled and sat back in his chair and tapped his fingertips together;, "You're a surfer trying to catch a wave."
Mike Boat Mike opened his eyes slowly, "They weren't surfers. They were soldiers." (period needed after slowly. It's not a speech tag. There are a few more places too. If words don't actually come out of their mouth you need a period.)
Comment Written 25-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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Thank you Barbara for the instruction and the high review. It is very much appreciated.
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Very good work here - constructive criticism? I tried to find mistakes or parts I did not like - and couldn't do it. My only call was it is so long - but I have OCD or some initials that mean a short attention span. You wrote this with passion and heart that rings through the entirety.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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Very good work here - constructive criticism? I tried to find mistakes or parts I did not like - and couldn't do it. My only call was it is so long - but I have OCD or some initials that mean a short attention span. You wrote this with passion and heart that rings through the entirety.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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Sherry, I am very grateful for your kind words. I'll try and keep the word count down. Nah, I probably won't. It's what I do. Words? There is either two many or not enough. Oops, I did it again. Sorry (;-0)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This short story speaks expressively and eloquently about the incident happened to Mike, up and doing orderly expressed; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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This short story speaks expressively and eloquently about the incident happened to Mike, up and doing orderly expressed; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 25-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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Thank you Alcreator.
Comment from royowen
Life is to lived and not put on hold, it's an attitude, and even a decision, and some wallow, and some overcome, it's a always a test of character, and nobody will find it easy, there are highs and lows in all lives, but wars are unnatural really, my dad was in Dunkirk in the WW2 and my brother wounded in Vietnam, but both handled it well, but never spoke of their experiences. A brilliant piece of writing, two different people, two people who handled it different, but victorious in their own way. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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Life is to lived and not put on hold, it's an attitude, and even a decision, and some wallow, and some overcome, it's a always a test of character, and nobody will find it easy, there are highs and lows in all lives, but wars are unnatural really, my dad was in Dunkirk in the WW2 and my brother wounded in Vietnam, but both handled it well, but never spoke of their experiences. A brilliant piece of writing, two different people, two people who handled it different, but victorious in their own way. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
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Comment Written 25-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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Thank you Ray.
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Most welcome
Comment from Carmen Ducharme
Wow what a wonderful heart warming story .Our poor vets left alone to rot and bask in their nightmares they gave their lives for us and get no appreciation .My uncle is a Vietnam Vet and I have seen the wat he has been treated because he lost most of his hearing and he watched his two best friends whom he signed up with die infront of him .This is so sad .What a wonderful story you have shared ! God Bless our Soldiers!!
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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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Wow what a wonderful heart warming story .Our poor vets left alone to rot and bask in their nightmares they gave their lives for us and get no appreciation .My uncle is a Vietnam Vet and I have seen the wat he has been treated because he lost most of his hearing and he watched his two best friends whom he signed up with die infront of him .This is so sad .What a wonderful story you have shared ! God Bless our Soldiers!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2021
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Thank you Carmen.
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My pleasure !