Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Genius In Love"In Search of a Soul
28 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Oh my, Jay, you write this so very well. Your imagination seems to have no bounds. I'm totally absorbed in this story and especially in Cornelius' private world. It's fascinating. Now onto the next scene. So very well done. I'm captivated. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Oh my, Jay, you write this so very well. Your imagination seems to have no bounds. I'm totally absorbed in this story and especially in Cornelius' private world. It's fascinating. Now onto the next scene. So very well done. I'm captivated. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Ulla. As always, I'm so happy to get your take on my play. It means a lot to me, especially when buffered by a sixth star!
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Throughout this scene, once Cornelius arrives in the office, he seems to have an intuitive feeling that something isn't right. His disappointment at finding that Jennie isn't with her mother feeds the intuition and sets the stage of awkwardness subconscious (Cililla) cautions him to be calm and in the end, he manages well. His feelings are very mixed
Ralf
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Throughout this scene, once Cornelius arrives in the office, he seems to have an intuitive feeling that something isn't right. His disappointment at finding that Jennie isn't with her mother feeds the intuition and sets the stage of awkwardness subconscious (Cililla) cautions him to be calm and in the end, he manages well. His feelings are very mixed
Ralf
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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I'm glad you picked up on Cornelius's intuition, Ralf. Your six warms my heart! I'm so happy you're getting something out of my little drama.
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Your portrayal of Cornelius is flawless.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I am quite ignorant about scriptwriting and so, I refrain from commenting on the technical aspects of the play. I go by what appeals to me. I like the way you express the character's feelings through dialogue. I like the way you describe the settings, stage management. That gives me a hang of the setting. As I have said, it is a learning experience for me. Cheers!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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I am quite ignorant about scriptwriting and so, I refrain from commenting on the technical aspects of the play. I go by what appeals to me. I like the way you express the character's feelings through dialogue. I like the way you describe the settings, stage management. That gives me a hang of the setting. As I have said, it is a learning experience for me. Cheers!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2021
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Thanks, Seshadri. Something of what I'm doing is getting through to you, or you wouldn't be coming back for every new scene. To me that's validating. Thank you so much for doing that.
Comment from J.R. Michael
Coming in cold and late but wow, what a scene. I appreciated the attention to detail in relation to the directions given. It gave me a complete picture as to what is going on both inside and out. I'm very intrigued as to what is going on and where it's going. I think it's time for me to read what came before. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Coming in cold and late but wow, what a scene. I appreciated the attention to detail in relation to the directions given. It gave me a complete picture as to what is going on both inside and out. I'm very intrigued as to what is going on and where it's going. I think it's time for me to read what came before. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Thank you, J.R. I actually summarize the previous scenes, so you can get a generalized feeling for the flow by reading them.
Comment from Versch
This is how a script should be written, with the description of the settings and all the stage directions for the readers, would be actors, and readers to understand what going on. Even the way you have written the dialogues in bold font. This is a perfect and professional script writing. You have a gift for it.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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This is how a script should be written, with the description of the settings and all the stage directions for the readers, would be actors, and readers to understand what going on. Even the way you have written the dialogues in bold font. This is a perfect and professional script writing. You have a gift for it.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Oh, my Goodness, Versch! I'm happy I read this review tonight. I'll sleep with a smile on my face, until I have to get up to go pee. Thanks for the bonus of a sixth star!
Comment from lancellot
I read this last night and again this morning. I will give it my honest appraisal. There are good things and there are things that shouldn't be. Your writing and editing are great. You have the perfect sympathetic main character.
But-
There is a difference between stage direction or even excessive stage direction, and story narration and 3rd person exposition, and that is what you have here again. You have half script and half prose.
Also, and I know it may seem I'm repeating. Cililla is too adult and intelligent to be a part of a boy's mind. The mind can only know what it knows. It cannot know, what it doesn't, and Cililla knows too much. Do you understand? Unless this is fantasy and Cililla is an independent entity (fairy godparent).
Also, I know I'm repeating, are you sure this is a romance script? In a horror script, there should be horror. In a crime script there should be a crime. In a humor, comedy.
You are 15 acts deep at his point. Do, you see what I mean?
I know, I'm in the ultra minority and I do not write this to insult or to be negative. I will stop reviewing it if you want.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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I read this last night and again this morning. I will give it my honest appraisal. There are good things and there are things that shouldn't be. Your writing and editing are great. You have the perfect sympathetic main character.
But-
There is a difference between stage direction or even excessive stage direction, and story narration and 3rd person exposition, and that is what you have here again. You have half script and half prose.
Also, and I know it may seem I'm repeating. Cililla is too adult and intelligent to be a part of a boy's mind. The mind can only know what it knows. It cannot know, what it doesn't, and Cililla knows too much. Do you understand? Unless this is fantasy and Cililla is an independent entity (fairy godparent).
Also, I know I'm repeating, are you sure this is a romance script? In a horror script, there should be horror. In a crime script there should be a crime. In a humor, comedy.
You are 15 acts deep at his point. Do, you see what I mean?
I know, I'm in the ultra minority and I do not write this to insult or to be negative. I will stop reviewing it if you want.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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Oh, my God. Only stop if the content or my stubbornness disgusts you. At my age, and with my inexperience in playwrighting, what I don't need is a tough skin. I need to have it be soft so that criticism like yours can claw in and make a difference.
I can foresee two more scenes before I close the curtain on this, so I wouldn't expect overnight change in the directions you suggest. You know my writing well enough to be certain I know the difference between showing and telling. And I know when I'm heavy on narrative.
About Cililla, I disagree with your take on her. She is a mixture of immaturity and a wisdom that is beyond Cornelius's understanding and her ability to express.
So, over the next (whatever) scenes, I don't expect to incorporate many of your ideas while I can see that some of them are apt. I already realize that this would have been more effective in the movie script format than the restrictiveness of a stage play. But I can't switch formats in mid play.
But please don't give up on me as being an appreciative receiver of your criticisms.
Comment from judiverse
I like the tact they're using to try to break the news about what' happened to Jennie. I think you do a great job of showing Cornelius's feelings in the way he's speaking. He's awfully worried about missing those notes, poor boy. I love that Phyllis wants to become Cornelius's aunt. He responds sweetly. I wonder if you're thinking about length. I remember being told that one page of script is equal to about one minute playing time. You seem to have more to go so you might want to give some thought to how long it's going to be. judi
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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I like the tact they're using to try to break the news about what' happened to Jennie. I think you do a great job of showing Cornelius's feelings in the way he's speaking. He's awfully worried about missing those notes, poor boy. I love that Phyllis wants to become Cornelius's aunt. He responds sweetly. I wonder if you're thinking about length. I remember being told that one page of script is equal to about one minute playing time. You seem to have more to go so you might want to give some thought to how long it's going to be. judi
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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No, Judi ... honestly, I've long ago given up on the reality of this being a producable play. It would have been more effective as a movie script. Your six is certainly welcomed!
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You're welcome, and I see you've received a great number of 6s on this. I think the stage is just right for the script. It doesn't require many sets, and the subject is suited for the stage. As I've written before, leave it into someone else's hands to handle the details of finding a venue, etc. judi
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You are so kind, Judi, and encouraging.
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Don't dismiss the idea of having the play produced. You could make your contacts over the internet, in fact. judi
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If I ever get this to a satisfactory ending, I may pick your brain about the idea.
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With the coronavirus seemingly in charge these days, I don't know what's going on at the university here. I do know that in the past they had staged readings of new plays. There are things you can do without getting out and about too much. judi
Comment from Judy Lawless
I'm glad to welcome Cornelius back, Jay. This chapter is marvelous, and emotional. There seems to be a bit of a breakthrough for Cornelius, after the struggle at the beginning. I tend to read these slowly, so as not to miss anything. Well done!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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I'm glad to welcome Cornelius back, Jay. This chapter is marvelous, and emotional. There seems to be a bit of a breakthrough for Cornelius, after the struggle at the beginning. I tend to read these slowly, so as not to miss anything. Well done!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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Thank you for taking more time with this one, Judy. I'm happy the extra work is producing good results. Thanks for the six stars.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's hard for anyone to control their emotions when they don't know exactly what is going on, and for Cornelius those feelings have to be magnified many time over. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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It's hard for anyone to control their emotions when they don't know exactly what is going on, and for Cornelius those feelings have to be magnified many time over. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Ric. I'm so privileged to have you reading my play.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I know how hard it is for autistic children to hug or even touch another person. You did a fantastic job writing this post. Thank you for sharing this with us.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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I know how hard it is for autistic children to hug or even touch another person. You did a fantastic job writing this post. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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Thank you, Barbara. I'm glad you feel it works. And... found it six-worthy!