Quiet Lawyer
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Quiet Lawyer Chapter 16 B"Can a broken heart be mended?
26 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
{" It wouldn't" look right. We'll go together."
-"It wouldn't
This was... the rape part and Amy's father being well... Let's be honest. There are only two types of men in these stories, and two types of sexual contacts, and two types of women.
I would offer advice about some of this, but... I did not look at the reviews. I expect many women will give this a six and a few guys too. It hits all the classic targets for a certain perspective. I do not mean to insult you, but there are major issues, that I don't think people on the site will tell you about for reasons common to FanStory.
Good luck. I wish you well.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022
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{" It wouldn't" look right. We'll go together."
-"It wouldn't
This was... the rape part and Amy's father being well... Let's be honest. There are only two types of men in these stories, and two types of sexual contacts, and two types of women.
I would offer advice about some of this, but... I did not look at the reviews. I expect many women will give this a six and a few guys too. It hits all the classic targets for a certain perspective. I do not mean to insult you, but there are major issues, that I don't think people on the site will tell you about for reasons common to FanStory.
Good luck. I wish you well.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022
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Thank you for the kind review and for catch. I switched those two sentences around at the last minute before posting and left in a space. I know you're wondering about a rape charge. It's past the statute of limitations in Texas. That will be addressed in the next post. As for Amy's father, this is a real person that I knew years ago. As do women who won't disagree with their husband, no matter what. My mother-in-law was like that and the first time I disagreed with my husband he was shocked. He'd never seen it before. After 40+ years of marriage, he's learned to expect it. They do exist.
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I figured that it was a personal insert.
That's part of the issue. Barbara, it is the mixing of non-fiction personal things with a romance fictional story that (IMO) is causing issues.
We are repeatedly told that there are no secrets in a small town. Yet, you have a serial rapist for at least a decade, walking around, raping women in his office, during business hours, with the door unlocked, and other women sitting in his waiting room. Yet, no one, even our one (he's a good one) knight does anything, until our tiny female hero shows up, and everything just happens to fall in her lap.
Amy, is a too perfect victim. Just look how you've described her and her dwelling. (does state and Federal Public Aide not exist?) She's been a waitress since High School, even with a kid because she had to be written as desperate and in need, to make Rogers look worse.
Rogers is the perfect villain (Satan). Given all he's done, there's no way he should be alive, not under a prison, a has multiple kids or an STD.
All the women, except your heroine are born victims, with no will, voice, vengeance or apparent husband or boyfriend. They are one dimensional characters created to serve one roll, including the main characters. They aren't believable. Cord and Coach are the same guy.
There is little romance in your romance novel, but lots of virgin female hero empowerment side quests, with standard bad men and standard good victim women.
Your book needs to get back to romance. It has to tingle the reader, make them feel the longing, lust, or love.
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Amy has only lived like this since her grandma died, a year ago. She lived with her grandma until then and raised her child. Because of Rogers background nobody would believe him to be like this so people did keep quiet. This stuff does really happen. I went to high school with a girl, Donna, she lived five houses down from me in a very small town. We didn't even lock our doors at night. She was two years older than me. Her dad worked with my dad. This girl had been molested by her dad since she was in elementary school. Nobody knew anything about it, probably because they didn't want to know or didn't want to believe it happened. I know of many similar situations. I know you don't want to believe it. A touch of realism in fiction makes it realistic fiction. That being said, I could say the same about many of your stories. The hero meets a girl and immediately has sex with them. I don't feel every female is ready and waiting to have sex with your hero. It doesn't ring true to me. In many of your stories the females are good for nothing but a sex object.
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It is your romance novel (remember that is what should be first and foremost)
If you like it as is. Then go for it. I really do wish you luck with it. My criticism, is meant to be constructive, and completely optional.
I tell you because I think you can write. I just think you project too much of yourself and experiences into your works.
I'm no expert, just an avid reader. I don't know what a publisher would tell you, but I can bet it is not what many of the seniors on this site (who trade sixes) tells you.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Brilliant job on your chapter. I haven't read any of the earlier ones, but didn't need to to compel follow the storyline. Your characters are well developed, your descriptions of the surroundings great! I'm glad I came upon this.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022
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Brilliant job on your chapter. I haven't read any of the earlier ones, but didn't need to to compel follow the storyline. Your characters are well developed, your descriptions of the surroundings great! I'm glad I came upon this.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
This is a perfectly stunning chapter, Barbara. I couldn't find any mistakes, though, to be honest, the only way I could have would have been to pull myself out of the drama you had created on the screen of my mind. A slipped comma or a double-negative wouldn't be worth that. Everything was balanced and flowed. This is "seven" material!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022
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This is a perfectly stunning chapter, Barbara. I couldn't find any mistakes, though, to be honest, the only way I could have would have been to pull myself out of the drama you had created on the screen of my mind. A slipped comma or a double-negative wouldn't be worth that. Everything was balanced and flowed. This is "seven" material!
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2022
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Sankey
Wow! What a sad chapter and probably true to life for a lot of women even in these times. This was a dramatic and emotional read and no spags. Thanks again.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Wow! What a sad chapter and probably true to life for a lot of women even in these times. This was a dramatic and emotional read and no spags. Thanks again.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the kind support. Unfortunately, it is true for a lot of women.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Wow! This is a blockbuster scene with the meeting with Amy. I loved the legal talk about back support etc. that then devolved into the emotional revelation that Amy was raped. Well done.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Wow! This is a blockbuster scene with the meeting with Amy. I loved the legal talk about back support etc. that then devolved into the emotional revelation that Amy was raped. Well done.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the kind support.
Comment from Anne Johnston
This must have been a hard chapter to write, detailing what Amy went through. I hope Alexandra gets all the information she needs to expose Pat Rogers and get the support that Amy needs.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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This must have been a hard chapter to write, detailing what Amy went through. I hope Alexandra gets all the information she needs to expose Pat Rogers and get the support that Amy needs.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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It was hard to write, especially the research so I was sure to make it as realistic as possible. Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome
Comment from royowen
I don't know how men like Rogers can exist and carry on, although this is fiction, it makes me sick how they can get away with it, I'm pretty sure you have plane plans for Mr. Rogers, and probably wish that you could shut them all down, beautifully written dear Girl, you did well, it upset me, I know it goes on. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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I don't know how men like Rogers can exist and carry on, although this is fiction, it makes me sick how they can get away with it, I'm pretty sure you have plane plans for Mr. Rogers, and probably wish that you could shut them all down, beautifully written dear Girl, you did well, it upset me, I know it goes on. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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Welcome Barbara,
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is another great chapter, Barbara. There is no doubt Ali will help those women. This was a particularly exciting chapter. I can't wait to see Pat Rogers go down. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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This is another great chapter, Barbara. There is no doubt Ali will help those women. This was a particularly exciting chapter. I can't wait to see Pat Rogers go down. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from judiverse
It's a wonder Pat wouldn't have been charged already, as he's been accused of so many rapes. It's a wonder one of the women, anyway, would have spoken up. Amy is in dire straits and definitely needs that child support money. The way you describe the boy, he's a cute kid. Surely Amy has been taking advance of the SNAP and other government assistance programs. If she'd applied for aid, they would have gone after the husband for non-support. (Sorry for offering Amy my free advice.) Great characterization. Ali really gets her point across to Amy and she's on board to sue for child support and back payment. You also do a great job of showing Ali's feelings about what she's learned from Amy. judi
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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It's a wonder Pat wouldn't have been charged already, as he's been accused of so many rapes. It's a wonder one of the women, anyway, would have spoken up. Amy is in dire straits and definitely needs that child support money. The way you describe the boy, he's a cute kid. Surely Amy has been taking advance of the SNAP and other government assistance programs. If she'd applied for aid, they would have gone after the husband for non-support. (Sorry for offering Amy my free advice.) Great characterization. Ali really gets her point across to Amy and she's on board to sue for child support and back payment. You also do a great job of showing Ali's feelings about what she's learned from Amy. judi
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Nobody has made a police report. Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from country ranch writer
7/31/2022-----12:59
I hope she can nail him to the wall!
Hope Alexander cam make mat go to jail for a long time and Amy the others can get on with their lives.Matthew needs to be shown the error of his was being exposed to the public as a rapist.Any could move to a better class of neighborhood and go to school yo be a teacher.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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7/31/2022-----12:59
I hope she can nail him to the wall!
Hope Alexander cam make mat go to jail for a long time and Amy the others can get on with their lives.Matthew needs to be shown the error of his was being exposed to the public as a rapist.Any could move to a better class of neighborhood and go to school yo be a teacher.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Smiles