The Note
Dribble Flash Fiction - 52 words (3rd place)31 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
OUCH!!!! Yes, that's a note that should be read. No matter what happened to cause her to storm out of the house, it's not as serious as making up with a dying Mom. Thank you for this reminder as a contest entry. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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OUCH!!!! Yes, that's a note that should be read. No matter what happened to cause her to storm out of the house, it's not as serious as making up with a dying Mom. Thank you for this reminder as a contest entry. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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Thanks, Barbara. I appreciate your review on my fictional dribble story. Thank goodness it was plucked from my imagination. ~DD
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Getting information like terminal illness, in a note, is very sorrowful. I hope mom and daughter talked and resolved their feelings because cancer is not a game. It is an illness which is nasty, and you pray continuously for a cure.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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Getting information like terminal illness, in a note, is very sorrowful. I hope mom and daughter talked and resolved their feelings because cancer is not a game. It is an illness which is nasty, and you pray continuously for a cure.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2023
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Thank you, Rosemary. I appreciate your review. Yes, cancer is not a game. My mother has stage stage IV cancer. And as for this story - it is flash fiction. ~DD
Comment from AP Apgar
I like your flash fiction poem DD - good picture presentation - write has good flow and the restriction on words allows the reader to get a more precise message without having to read volumes of flowery words to get there. Probably why I like haiku - The message is clear and tells a real story in a lot of cases in life. How quickly feeling can change when we lack information. The man furious at his wife for not picking him up after work -found that she had been in an accident ..comes to mind. Good job. AP
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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I like your flash fiction poem DD - good picture presentation - write has good flow and the restriction on words allows the reader to get a more precise message without having to read volumes of flowery words to get there. Probably why I like haiku - The message is clear and tells a real story in a lot of cases in life. How quickly feeling can change when we lack information. The man furious at his wife for not picking him up after work -found that she had been in an accident ..comes to mind. Good job. AP
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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AP, as always - a thorough and gratefully received review. Thank you. Much appreciated. Enjoy your weekend. ~DD
Comment from LJbutterfly
In this imaginative dribble fiction contest entry, the story is told six months after the protagonist's mother has passed away. It leaves the reader with the uneasy feeling of loss. You were able to create an emotion within fifty-two words. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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In this imaginative dribble fiction contest entry, the story is told six months after the protagonist's mother has passed away. It leaves the reader with the uneasy feeling of loss. You were able to create an emotion within fifty-two words. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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Thanks so much for your thorough and thoughtful review on my dribble flash. It is much appreciated. ~DD
Comment from rama devi
Oops! too late. Very sad closing twist. Effective flash fiction. Excellent pacing, word economy and emotional tenor. My only suggestion is to trim out the adverb ANGRILY, for two reasons:
1) adverbs are taboo in flash fiction, according to Les, who used to teach the class here (Suneagle was his user name)
2) the verb STORMED already indicates the anger, so it is superfluous.
Aside from that, this is perfect and a strong entry. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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Oops! too late. Very sad closing twist. Effective flash fiction. Excellent pacing, word economy and emotional tenor. My only suggestion is to trim out the adverb ANGRILY, for two reasons:
1) adverbs are taboo in flash fiction, according to Les, who used to teach the class here (Suneagle was his user name)
2) the verb STORMED already indicates the anger, so it is superfluous.
Aside from that, this is perfect and a strong entry. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 29-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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RD ~ Thanks so much for your thorough and thoughtful review on my dribble flash. It is much appreciated. Have a fab weekend. ~DD
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Have a great weekend too!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The. punch line here has heart rendering consequences and we are left with guilt and regret when we know the truth, a touching and also chilling write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
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The. punch line here has heart rendering consequences and we are left with guilt and regret when we know the truth, a touching and also chilling write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
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Thanks Dolly. I always appreciate your reviews. ~Dxo
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Hmm, this reminds me of a brother who stopped talking to another brother who was dying of a cancerous tumor. I don't know if the surviving brother even knew when his brother passed away. It's rare, but it happens. I might suggest saying "Doctor said" instead of "Doctors determine." Definitely a sad situation. Good luck in that contest!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
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Hmm, this reminds me of a brother who stopped talking to another brother who was dying of a cancerous tumor. I don't know if the surviving brother even knew when his brother passed away. It's rare, but it happens. I might suggest saying "Doctor said" instead of "Doctors determine." Definitely a sad situation. Good luck in that contest!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
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Thank you, Crystie. I appreciate your review and constructive comments.
Comment from Faith Williams
Oh, my, such a sad piece of flash fiction. So much said (and unsaid) in so few words. I wonder how Lucy feels now. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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Oh, my, such a sad piece of flash fiction. So much said (and unsaid) in so few words. I wonder how Lucy feels now. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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Thanks, Faith. I appreciate your review on my fictional dribble story. Thank goodness it was plucked from my imagination. ~DD
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is an excellent little flash dribble you have written. You got a story, with some drama, and a good hook twist at the end with more drama. Good job. and Good luck in the contest. Terry.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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This is an excellent little flash dribble you have written. You got a story, with some drama, and a good hook twist at the end with more drama. Good job. and Good luck in the contest. Terry.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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Thanks, Terry. I appreciate your review on my fictional dribble story. Your comments are very encouraging. ~DDxo
Comment from humpwhistle
I feel a bit manipulated--not necessarily a bad thing. But the fact that she hung onto the envelope--unopened--for eighteen months seems a bit contrived, and convenient to your story.
Maybe I'm being picky. But who holds on to an unopened note for 18 months? Could happen, I guess.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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I feel a bit manipulated--not necessarily a bad thing. But the fact that she hung onto the envelope--unopened--for eighteen months seems a bit contrived, and convenient to your story.
Maybe I'm being picky. But who holds on to an unopened note for 18 months? Could happen, I guess.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 28-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2023
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Lee ~ Thanks so much for your review on my dribble flash. As per the story, one never knows what happens behind closed doors but thankfully this short read of fiction was born from imagination. Have a happy weekend :-) ~DD