A Beautiful but Fractured Mind
A journey into the mind of one with a mental condition.32 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent writing - in the piece and in the Author's Notes, as well.
so they'll think I'm 'normal.' - I've been taken to task by reviewers but I am persuaded that your use of the single quotes is merely to emphasize the word. It is not a quote, per se. Despite all the criticisms, I would put the marks inside the punctuation. After, you are not trying to emphasize the period.
I think you're getting well" - needs a period
out, again before my next assignment. - comma not needed
Great work.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Excellent writing - in the piece and in the Author's Notes, as well.
so they'll think I'm 'normal.' - I've been taken to task by reviewers but I am persuaded that your use of the single quotes is merely to emphasize the word. It is not a quote, per se. Despite all the criticisms, I would put the marks inside the punctuation. After, you are not trying to emphasize the period.
I think you're getting well" - needs a period
out, again before my next assignment. - comma not needed
Great work.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Thank you, Wayne. I'm glad you think this is good writing. Your reviews are always helpful for me because you seem to know all the rules for punctuation and other things and are willing to help. I really appreciate the six stars.
Beth
Comment from Wendy G
That was so realistic and insightful, and so authentic. The writing itself was faultless, and this combination of theme, powerful words and skilful writing makes your entry in the contest an outstanding one. Very best wishes for your success.
Wendy
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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That was so realistic and insightful, and so authentic. The writing itself was faultless, and this combination of theme, powerful words and skilful writing makes your entry in the contest an outstanding one. Very best wishes for your success.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much, Windy. It really appreciate you review and nice comments. I'm so glad it sounded authentic to you. I'm very pleased with the stars.
Beth
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Did you want the last paragraph smaller print? Boy you had me going with this story. I know this disease can be very scary; they see and do things that are not natural; but thank God there is medicine out there that helps them.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Did you want the last paragraph smaller print? Boy you had me going with this story. I know this disease can be very scary; they see and do things that are not natural; but thank God there is medicine out there that helps them.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Thank you Rosemary. I did want the last paragraph to be a different tryp because it was my thoughts rather than from the rest which was from the mind if the person with the mental problem. I'm sorry if the type was too small.
Beth
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I was truly intrigued by your story. Well written and captivating. While friction was so spot on, it brought back memories of my uncle.
I wrote earlier about his schizophrenia, but I recently found a government letter outlining his being committed to various mental hospitals from 1941 to 1963. He was discharged from the Canadian Army after six months for mental illness. Finally, he was deported to Canada in 1964. A very sad life, not only for him but for my grandmother. Back then, the "medication" used was shock treatments.
Best wishes,
Mary
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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I was truly intrigued by your story. Well written and captivating. While friction was so spot on, it brought back memories of my uncle.
I wrote earlier about his schizophrenia, but I recently found a government letter outlining his being committed to various mental hospitals from 1941 to 1963. He was discharged from the Canadian Army after six months for mental illness. Finally, he was deported to Canada in 1964. A very sad life, not only for him but for my grandmother. Back then, the "medication" used was shock treatments.
Best wishes,
Mary
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Thank you Mary, I appreciate the review and comments. I glad you shared the story about your uncle with me. It is so sad so many are caught up with this menal condition.
Beth
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your contest
entry, Beth. Your description of one afflicted
with this issue was perfect. You gave readers
great details on the s/he thinks and feels and
great insight on what the truth really is in your
notes. Both were very informative. The description
of the person in the story was so realistic.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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You did a great job with your contest
entry, Beth. Your description of one afflicted
with this issue was perfect. You gave readers
great details on the s/he thinks and feels and
great insight on what the truth really is in your
notes. Both were very informative. The description
of the person in the story was so realistic.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Thank you, Jan. This iwas a great review. What I wrote was things I've heard from several different people with mental problem and not just one although I combined it into one. I truly appreciate the six stars.
Beth
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Beth!
Goodness!
I was hooked from the beginning of your well-crafted offering.
I especially appreciated the following paragraph as you address the reader and make what is a commonplace occurrence truly seem as if it could be someone spying on your protagonist:
You see that red car parked over there? That is one of the people who he has watching me. They've been switching vehicles, so they think I won't know they are watching me, but I'm too smart for them. There is a device in my head that allows me to hear things other people can't hear. It even lets me hear what they are thinking. I work for the CIA, and I have to be very careful not to get captured.
Excellent writing there...
Two small nits in your Author's Notes:
You may choose whether your character is on or off there (their) medication; of (omiy of) if they are diagnosed or not.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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Hello, Beth!
Goodness!
I was hooked from the beginning of your well-crafted offering.
I especially appreciated the following paragraph as you address the reader and make what is a commonplace occurrence truly seem as if it could be someone spying on your protagonist:
You see that red car parked over there? That is one of the people who he has watching me. They've been switching vehicles, so they think I won't know they are watching me, but I'm too smart for them. There is a device in my head that allows me to hear things other people can't hear. It even lets me hear what they are thinking. I work for the CIA, and I have to be very careful not to get captured.
Excellent writing there...
Two small nits in your Author's Notes:
You may choose whether your character is on or off there (their) medication; of (omiy of) if they are diagnosed or not.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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Thank you, Diane. That paragraph I experienced first hand. My friend who has that problem at been our of the hospital a few weeks. Her daughter decided she was well enough to go out to eat with me. While we were at lunch she became paranoid and begin point out cars in the parking lot that were people she was sure were there to watch her. She was trembling and nevous and didn't eat a bite of her lunch. On the way back to her daughter, she told her son-in-law had a hidden camera in her room and posting nude picture of her on the internet. He is a well-doctor who would never do any thing like that. It took a few more weeks for her to recover and she hasn't had an episode in a while. I'm glad you thought my story sounded like it could have happened because most of it did.
Beth
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Very well-crafted, Beth...
I surely hope your friend improves every day... Such a challenge...
Take Care!
diane
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You wrote this as fiction, but it is of course events that could easily happen. Perhaps you just don't know the person the events happened to. We are nearly at a stage where more people suffer from mental challenges than don't. Life for us is like walking a high-wire. You expressed part of it very convincingly. kay
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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You wrote this as fiction, but it is of course events that could easily happen. Perhaps you just don't know the person the events happened to. We are nearly at a stage where more people suffer from mental challenges than don't. Life for us is like walking a high-wire. You expressed part of it very convincingly. kay
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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Thank you, Kay. Most of things I wrote I've actually heard from people I've known. I seem to have met a lot of them. This came from at least four different people I knew with this condition. Not all of them claimed to hear voices, but the were all paranoid and believed others were talking about them and plotting against them. Only one of them believed he worked for the CIA and the government was plotting to kill people.
Comment from jmdg1954
I thought this was a phenomenal post for the contest challenge. I don't know much about schizophrenic conditions, so I'm going on your say so.
I found this to be believable and that people can react like this.
Thank you for the notes which accompanied your post.
Good luck in the contest.
John
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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I thought this was a phenomenal post for the contest challenge. I don't know much about schizophrenic conditions, so I'm going on your say so.
I found this to be believable and that people can react like this.
Thank you for the notes which accompanied your post.
Good luck in the contest.
John
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2023
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Thank you, John. This is combination of people I've known with mental conditions. I made it one person, but there are at least four that I said these things. I don't think they all heard voices but they were all parinoid and believed people were plotting against them.
I teally appreciate the six stars.
Beth
Comment from Rebecca Roberts1
Interesting conversation. Your character is very believable.
This conversation is nearly the same one I have had with others.
I have had to deal with demonic entities more than once. It is very sad.
Thanks for the good read.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Interesting conversation. Your character is very believable.
This conversation is nearly the same one I have had with others.
I have had to deal with demonic entities more than once. It is very sad.
Thanks for the good read.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Thank you Rebecca. I really appreciate the review and comments. I like to read about your experiences dealing with demonic entities.
Beth
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I've known a couple of people with schizophrenia and, although they didn't hear voices, they were both very paranoid. And they all hate the medication because of the way it makes them feel.
This is a good story for this particular contest title - good luck.
A couple of things I noticed:
Your sentence, "I'm always having to have to hide . . ." could read "I'm always having to hide . . ."
The sentence about sticking the needle in you with poison, do you mean to say "so they don't have to go to prison"? If it kills you slowly, it hides what is going on and they don't get caught.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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I've known a couple of people with schizophrenia and, although they didn't hear voices, they were both very paranoid. And they all hate the medication because of the way it makes them feel.
This is a good story for this particular contest title - good luck.
A couple of things I noticed:
Your sentence, "I'm always having to have to hide . . ." could read "I'm always having to hide . . ."
The sentence about sticking the needle in you with poison, do you mean to say "so they don't have to go to prison"? If it kills you slowly, it hides what is going on and they don't get caught.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2023
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Thank you Pam, I really appreciate the review and your comments. Thanks for pointing out my spags.
Beth