Willing Hearts
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Willing Hearts Chapter 7 A"Solve a crime and fall in love at the same time?
35 total reviews
Comment from estory
You kicked it off with a bit humor in that raccoon eating the watermelon moment, taking down the tension when she hears the noises outside. But it also shows us how on edge Sami is. Then you slipped in a bit of romance when she slips on the rock while walking the dog and Noah catches her around the waist. So that's in motion. Then the crew starts putting together the plan to take care of Sami and take down Chen. So you have some suspense building over that. Overall, I think you orchestrated this pretty well, the dialogue was warm, the characters are well delineated, the personalities interact in a natural way. estory
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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You kicked it off with a bit humor in that raccoon eating the watermelon moment, taking down the tension when she hears the noises outside. But it also shows us how on edge Sami is. Then you slipped in a bit of romance when she slips on the rock while walking the dog and Noah catches her around the waist. So that's in motion. Then the crew starts putting together the plan to take care of Sami and take down Chen. So you have some suspense building over that. Overall, I think you orchestrated this pretty well, the dialogue was warm, the characters are well delineated, the personalities interact in a natural way. estory
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the encouragment.
Comment from Sharon Elwell
This story is engaging, as I mentioned in my first review. I'm involved and anxious to find out what happens.
A few little things slowed me down: "...Sarah's and his bedroom..." I don't know how to avoid that, or I would recommend an alternative. It makes a reader stop and re-read.
"...Jasper to be quite..." is just a typo.
Sami "slips" on moss and Noah "slips" his arm around her...
"After walking in silence, they reached the pond and proceeded to walk around it." seems clunky and could be tightened.
Also, a lot of apologizing makes that whole section move slowly. Both Sami and Noah are sorry about several things, and some action or reaction might spark it up.
"It's all right." "I'm all right." Maybe something more dramatic?
Can't wait to see what's coming next!
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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This story is engaging, as I mentioned in my first review. I'm involved and anxious to find out what happens.
A few little things slowed me down: "...Sarah's and his bedroom..." I don't know how to avoid that, or I would recommend an alternative. It makes a reader stop and re-read.
"...Jasper to be quite..." is just a typo.
Sami "slips" on moss and Noah "slips" his arm around her...
"After walking in silence, they reached the pond and proceeded to walk around it." seems clunky and could be tightened.
Also, a lot of apologizing makes that whole section move slowly. Both Sami and Noah are sorry about several things, and some action or reaction might spark it up.
"It's all right." "I'm all right." Maybe something more dramatic?
Can't wait to see what's coming next!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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I've made a few changes. I hope I've made it better and not worse. LOL I appreciate the help.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Sami is still under protection; the bad men have to stay away from this house, so they don't kidnap anyone or anything. They finally found out Chen name which is a good thing.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Sami is still under protection; the bad men have to stay away from this house, so they don't kidnap anyone or anything. They finally found out Chen name which is a good thing.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
This is really improving. odd things get solved even if they are small daily things. This is necessary for real life. I appreciate the nitpicking, too. And occasionally having someone get their nose out of joint. Reality raising its ugly head adds to the depth, in my opinion. Karen
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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This is really improving. odd things get solved even if they are small daily things. This is necessary for real life. I appreciate the nitpicking, too. And occasionally having someone get their nose out of joint. Reality raising its ugly head adds to the depth, in my opinion. Karen
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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I agree. Thank you for the kind review.
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:-)
Comment from royowen
All the while I was reading this, I was thinking of, things that go bump in the night, darkness is not a good thing for we humans, we are not designed for the nocturnal. I love this, this is slightly different from what you not normally write, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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All the while I was reading this, I was thinking of, things that go bump in the night, darkness is not a good thing for we humans, we are not designed for the nocturnal. I love this, this is slightly different from what you not normally write, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the support and the encouragement.
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My privilege
Comment from Lea Tonin1
A very interesting chapter not knowing the chapters before I'll have to catch up your writing is always is sublime. You have interesting and believable characters and a dog which I love. Perhaps Samy and Noah get together? I find this to be very interesting and my captivating read. I see no issues with aesthetic subject matter sentence structure or spelling. To find entry I wish you best of luck in the hope you have an awesome day!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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A very interesting chapter not knowing the chapters before I'll have to catch up your writing is always is sublime. You have interesting and believable characters and a dog which I love. Perhaps Samy and Noah get together? I find this to be very interesting and my captivating read. I see no issues with aesthetic subject matter sentence structure or spelling. To find entry I wish you best of luck in the hope you have an awesome day!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the support and the encouragement.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I have to admit, I felt a little pang of sorrow when they all voted against Sami getting the security code for the house, but I did understand it. She would probably get herself and maybe one of them into trouble. Great chapter . Gretchen
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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I have to admit, I felt a little pang of sorrow when they all voted against Sami getting the security code for the house, but I did understand it. She would probably get herself and maybe one of them into trouble. Great chapter . Gretchen
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the support and the encouragement. I'm sure she would get herself into trouble. LOL
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is another great chapter, Barbara. I know it's a bit premature, but I feel like there are some stronger feelings for Sami and Noah.
I'm glad everything with the house chores is detailed, and Sami remains safe.
Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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This is another great chapter, Barbara. I know it's a bit premature, but I feel like there are some stronger feelings for Sami and Noah.
I'm glad everything with the house chores is detailed, and Sami remains safe.
Best, JohnC
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It looks like Noah and Sami will be a twosome soon. I liked the way the name Chen came about, very clever! Lol. Another excellent chapter, Barbara. Well done. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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It looks like Noah and Sami will be a twosome soon. I liked the way the name Chen came about, very clever! Lol. Another excellent chapter, Barbara. Well done. Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sanku
I liked the way Noah and his team plan everything so meticulously .Samis is slowly thawing towards Noah .Youare maintaining the suspense very well.
I had somehow missed the previous post ..So I read both together
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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I liked the way Noah and his team plan everything so meticulously .Samis is slowly thawing towards Noah .Youare maintaining the suspense very well.
I had somehow missed the previous post ..So I read both together
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the kind review.