Willing Hearts
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Chapter 14 A"Solve a crime and fall in love at the same time?
30 total reviews
Comment from F. William Lester
An interesting story. I'd definitely like to read more. My only comment pertains to the second section, when Sami walks into Bob and Sarah's bedroom and you write "The four of them studied the computer screen." I assumed Sami, Noah, and Jose were three of the four, but I couldn't figure out who the fourth person studying the computer was. A little further down in the section, you mention Bob. I assume he was the fourth person. You have a lot of characters interacting in this scene. You need to be clearer as to who's doing what. This proved very distracting to me and took me out of the story. I had to look back several times to understand what was going on and where everyone was. It slowed the pacing of the scene. Otherwise, I liked what I was reading. Thanks for sharing it. Stay well.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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An interesting story. I'd definitely like to read more. My only comment pertains to the second section, when Sami walks into Bob and Sarah's bedroom and you write "The four of them studied the computer screen." I assumed Sami, Noah, and Jose were three of the four, but I couldn't figure out who the fourth person studying the computer was. A little further down in the section, you mention Bob. I assume he was the fourth person. You have a lot of characters interacting in this scene. You need to be clearer as to who's doing what. This proved very distracting to me and took me out of the story. I had to look back several times to understand what was going on and where everyone was. It slowed the pacing of the scene. Otherwise, I liked what I was reading. Thanks for sharing it. Stay well.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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Bob, Sarah, Noah, and Jose where the four Sami walked in on. Those are the four team members. I believe if you'd have read from the beginning and knew the characters you would have understood better. I surely hope so. The reviewers who have read from the beginning haven't have a problem. I do hope you stick with the story.
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I will. Thank you.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Noah sounds jealous. LoL I can't wait to find out more about Mateo Enrique Aguilar de Pereira. Hispanics people like long names.
So much happened in this chapter, a lot of it was funny. I like that.
Can't wait to read more.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Noah sounds jealous. LoL I can't wait to find out more about Mateo Enrique Aguilar de Pereira. Hispanics people like long names.
So much happened in this chapter, a lot of it was funny. I like that.
Can't wait to read more.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Each part of it had a reason too. Thank you for the kind review. Yes, Noah is showing how much he actually cares. LOL
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Hahaha! Now he's worried. LOL! Love it. Barbara, I've held back from reviewing you, trying to work out an excuse for not having a six, and couldn't do it. The fact is, after three weeks away, I had so many to catch up with, I ran out of sixes before I knew it. I've now caught up with everyone and can start afresh next week. So I'm really sorry that I can only give you a virtual six. I just loved this chapter, their was lots of fun and some seriousness, but I think Sami had a wonderful day teasing them all. Well done, my friend, this was one of your best chapters. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Hahaha! Now he's worried. LOL! Love it. Barbara, I've held back from reviewing you, trying to work out an excuse for not having a six, and couldn't do it. The fact is, after three weeks away, I had so many to catch up with, I ran out of sixes before I knew it. I've now caught up with everyone and can start afresh next week. So I'm really sorry that I can only give you a virtual six. I just loved this chapter, their was lots of fun and some seriousness, but I think Sami had a wonderful day teasing them all. Well done, my friend, this was one of your best chapters. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Don't worry about the six. I'm not. I do appreciate the encouraging review. HUGS!!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Sami does have a bit of the devil in her. First, she gets rid of boss man by challenging his ego. He should never have hinted she might have trouble keeping up. Then she offers up a rich playboy to help with the rich man they need for the plot to take down the bad guys. Noah will have a real problem with that. Also, a great cliffhanger.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Sami does have a bit of the devil in her. First, she gets rid of boss man by challenging his ego. He should never have hinted she might have trouble keeping up. Then she offers up a rich playboy to help with the rich man they need for the plot to take down the bad guys. Noah will have a real problem with that. Also, a great cliffhanger.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Noah does have some jealousy. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from tfawcus
I'm enjoying the byplay between Noah and Sammi. Just hope that her stretching the rules doesn't lead to disaster.
A few minor points:
I'm asking because before all this happened," interrupted Noah(,) "I struggled falling asleep and wondered if you did too."
"I think until circumstances change; we need to put it on a shelf to be investigated later." (Maybe a comma instead of a semicolon)
I was training for a five Kilometer run for charity. (kilometer)
Laughing(,) Sarah said
The University of Houston--my freshman year
This new character sounds interesting. I'm looking forward to seeing how he fits into the story.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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I'm enjoying the byplay between Noah and Sammi. Just hope that her stretching the rules doesn't lead to disaster.
A few minor points:
I'm asking because before all this happened," interrupted Noah(,) "I struggled falling asleep and wondered if you did too."
"I think until circumstances change; we need to put it on a shelf to be investigated later." (Maybe a comma instead of a semicolon)
I was training for a five Kilometer run for charity. (kilometer)
Laughing(,) Sarah said
The University of Houston--my freshman year
This new character sounds interesting. I'm looking forward to seeing how he fits into the story.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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I appreciate the help. In this one I originally had a comma, ""I think until circumstances change; we need to put it on a shelf to be investigated later." (Maybe a comma instead of a semicolon)" but my grammar check through a temper tantrum, so I changed it. I changed it back to a comma and it's throwing another fit. LOL I'll let my editor deal with it. Thank you.
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Maybe the grammar checker is wanting you to put commas on both sides of ?until circumstances are change?.
Comment from Sanku
Sami is more confident now in dealing with Noah. She seems to be get her way every time. But it is getting interesting. You have introduced a new character ,a colourful one at that...
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Sami is more confident now in dealing with Noah. She seems to be get her way every time. But it is getting interesting. You have introduced a new character ,a colourful one at that...
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Noah has noticed she gets her way too. LOl Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A lengthy read which, in my view, might benefit from being shortened given the predominance of dialogue. But still interesting to see the characters evolving and, particularly, Sami, who's not helping Noah in his job very much at all as she increasingly pushes the boundaries. I stumbled on that word 'orneriness' and wondered if it might be better replaced with stubbornness or even resilience. In which case, I'm not convinced that her eyes would sparkle as a result (unless your intention is more about 'mischief?') But this is an excellent theme for a story with the elements of anticipation, suspense and a developing love affair which could threaten the whole operation. Well done, Barbara. Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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A lengthy read which, in my view, might benefit from being shortened given the predominance of dialogue. But still interesting to see the characters evolving and, particularly, Sami, who's not helping Noah in his job very much at all as she increasingly pushes the boundaries. I stumbled on that word 'orneriness' and wondered if it might be better replaced with stubbornness or even resilience. In which case, I'm not convinced that her eyes would sparkle as a result (unless your intention is more about 'mischief?') But this is an excellent theme for a story with the elements of anticipation, suspense and a developing love affair which could threaten the whole operation. Well done, Barbara. Debbie
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Some reviewers complain I don't post long enough. This one is long. It was longer, I actually shortened it, by adding more to next week's post. The eyes were showing mischief. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jacob1395
This is another excellent chapter in your story, Barbara, and I thought the dialogue was excellent once again which really made the story flow well. I really enjoyed reading it. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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This is another excellent chapter in your story, Barbara, and I thought the dialogue was excellent once again which really made the story flow well. I really enjoyed reading it. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Wendy G
Sami seems to be able to wind Noah around her little finger - and she still doesn't seem to be aware that doing things outside could be dangerous, for herself and others. Once again, she seems to have an answer they need. And perhaps she is enjoying making Noah a little jealous.
Wendy
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Sami seems to be able to wind Noah around her little finger - and she still doesn't seem to be aware that doing things outside could be dangerous, for herself and others. Once again, she seems to have an answer they need. And perhaps she is enjoying making Noah a little jealous.
Wendy
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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I don't think she's enjoying making Noah jealous but does know he won't like it. That's why she wants to talk with him. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
Sami's a bit of a pain in this. As the other characters mention, she does try to see what she can get away with. It's almost a game with her. She must have had an ulterior motive in allowing Galvin to go running with her. I agree she's better off not getting too involved with Noah until they've rescued Myra and Sami's no longer in protective custody. She seems to be running the show now, and even has a person who fits the bill for the role of the rich playboy in mind. He probably won't refuse, since she was his tutor in college. Sounds like a good plan to have someone get information about Chen's escort service. Sami is an intriguing character, as you never know what she's going to do. judi
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Sami's a bit of a pain in this. As the other characters mention, she does try to see what she can get away with. It's almost a game with her. She must have had an ulterior motive in allowing Galvin to go running with her. I agree she's better off not getting too involved with Noah until they've rescued Myra and Sami's no longer in protective custody. She seems to be running the show now, and even has a person who fits the bill for the role of the rich playboy in mind. He probably won't refuse, since she was his tutor in college. Sounds like a good plan to have someone get information about Chen's escort service. Sami is an intriguing character, as you never know what she's going to do. judi
Comment Written 23-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Yes, Sami is intriguing. Not sure what she'll do next, but she doesn't intend to hurt anybody, she just doesn't always think before she acts. Thank you for the kind review.