The Poets Menagerie
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Cremation"A collection of poems
42 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That picture is scary, I hate fire, but in this instance, it leads to such a happy ending with your accompanying words, it's really lovely. Very well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2024
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That picture is scary, I hate fire, but in this instance, it leads to such a happy ending with your accompanying words, it's really lovely. Very well done, and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra
Comment Written 06-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2024
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That's very kind compliment, Sandra! Thank you.I appreciate that so much! I'm glad you found the poem lovely. Thank you again and I hope you have the best day!
Comment from MissMerri
This poem is amazing. It says so much in only five words. If read on a deeper spiritual level, it says even more. I liked it very much and enjoyed so much the tangents of thought it created in my mind, making me want to read it again and again. Thanks for posting this one. MM
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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This poem is amazing. It says so much in only five words. If read on a deeper spiritual level, it says even more. I liked it very much and enjoyed so much the tangents of thought it created in my mind, making me want to read it again and again. Thanks for posting this one. MM
Comment Written 05-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Thanks Merri! You're amazing! I'm glad you like this writing. I'm happy to see you here too! Thank you for your interest too. It tells me this there's some merit too giving out the truth to the world. I appreciate it very much.Have an awesome evening!
Comment from ESOSTINE
The poem meets the contest-4-2 poetry contest rules. Though I have tried to get a better understanding of this poem, I am not yet matured in the field, hence pardon me. Thanks for sharing your thought.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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The poem meets the contest-4-2 poetry contest rules. Though I have tried to get a better understanding of this poem, I am not yet matured in the field, hence pardon me. Thanks for sharing your thought.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Oh, that's not a problem at all. We all have areas that we have start everything we do in life comes from the start, really, so I completely understand and thank you so much for your fine review and rating! Basically it talks about a person being cremated and that i'm making an assumption, that they feel that. So I wrote accordingly. Cremation then freedom. Thank you so much for your great review. Hope you and yours enjoy your evening!
Comment from SimianSavant
Sorry to be the one person not to give this a five. I think you could bring this up a notch, as I will try to articulate.
Currently this feels to me like a stream of consciousness piece, with disconnected bits, rather than a coherent idea. That has a lot to do with how the second line is constructed. Is scarring or freedom the central idea? If you wrote "soul-scarred freedom", then scarring could function as a compound adjective. And why multiple souls? I think it would be a stronger piece if you focused on one soul, the one depicted in your image. For example:
soul freed from ash
The other thing I'd suggest is to avoid confusing cremation with immolation, as your title and subtitle are currently in conflict. Cremation is for someone already dead; immolation is suicide by fire. Pick one or the other. I think immolation would hit harder.
Hope this helps, and let me know if you revise so I can revisit the review. Best regards,
🦍
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Sorry to be the one person not to give this a five. I think you could bring this up a notch, as I will try to articulate.
Currently this feels to me like a stream of consciousness piece, with disconnected bits, rather than a coherent idea. That has a lot to do with how the second line is constructed. Is scarring or freedom the central idea? If you wrote "soul-scarred freedom", then scarring could function as a compound adjective. And why multiple souls? I think it would be a stronger piece if you focused on one soul, the one depicted in your image. For example:
soul freed from ash
The other thing I'd suggest is to avoid confusing cremation with immolation, as your title and subtitle are currently in conflict. Cremation is for someone already dead; immolation is suicide by fire. Pick one or the other. I think immolation would hit harder.
Hope this helps, and let me know if you revise so I can revisit the review. Best regards,
🦍
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Wow, Simian! You are ON FIRE with your reviews of my work today, aren't you? I'm feeling all kinds of warmed over your coals!
Thank you for your time.
Comment from Janet Foor
Great entry for the 2-4-2 poetry contest and the title "Cremation" fits the artwork perfectly. You accomplish a definite thought and tone with your well chosen words.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Great entry for the 2-4-2 poetry contest and the title "Cremation" fits the artwork perfectly. You accomplish a definite thought and tone with your well chosen words.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 05-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Thank you Janet awesome review! I'm certainly glad you like this one. And you stopped and read and offered your comments for which I very much appreciate! Hope you have the best evening!
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Thank you Janet awesome review! I'm certainly glad you like this one. And you stopped and read and offered your comments for which I very much appreciate! Hope you have the best evening!
Comment from Kayte Ray
This is a wonderful piece!!
You give the reader a definitive image with very few words.
I like that you have created a path to follow in just three lines of poetry.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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This is a wonderful piece!!
You give the reader a definitive image with very few words.
I like that you have created a path to follow in just three lines of poetry.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Holy smokes! Wow! A six! I thank you very much for that! Really glad you enjoyed this one!
Thank you for your awesome review and your awesome rating.Also, most of all, for your time in doing so!" hope you and yours are doing well, thanks again!
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Holy smokes! Wow! A six! I thank you very much for that! Really glad you enjoyed this one!
Thank you for your awesome review and your awesome rating.Also, most of all, for your time in doing so!" hope you and yours are doing well, thanks again!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
It must be so difficult to be cleared in an eight syllable contest, something as deep as religious thoughts, and though I believe you are right there is insufficient evidence if I am right.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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It must be so difficult to be cleared in an eight syllable contest, something as deep as religious thoughts, and though I believe you are right there is insufficient evidence if I am right.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Totally on the money good insight! Yeah, there is only 8 syllables. I was thinking about that and how I was going to make it can impact in so small a space. It can be done, it's a challenge, though one that i like to try to test the limits of what I can and cannot do. Thanks very much Tom again! I'm happy you stopped in! Hope you enjoy your evening!
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Totally on the money good insight! Yeah, there is only 8 syllables. I was thinking about that and how I was going to make it can impact in so small a space. It can be done, it's a challenge, though one that i like to try to test the limits of what I can and cannot do. Thanks very much Tom again! I'm happy you stopped in! Hope you enjoy your evening!
Comment from Gunner Lil
A super picture was used for this poem that makes the readers think.
An easy read with a nice flow.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... but is Heaven guaranteed?
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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A super picture was used for this poem that makes the readers think.
An easy read with a nice flow.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... but is Heaven guaranteed?
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Hi, thank you so much for your great review. It's so glad you like it! I appreciate you comments and your time as well. Gives food for thought.Hope you have a great day!
Comment from jake cosmos aller
this is a great 2 4 2 poem on the theme of cremation and death, I like the image chosen and the optimistic ending implied by the word heaven i would have ended it with Hell.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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this is a great 2 4 2 poem on the theme of cremation and death, I like the image chosen and the optimistic ending implied by the word heaven i would have ended it with Hell.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Yeah, I didn't consider that actually, but I think either way gives a statement anyway. Thank you again.I appreciate this so much! Readers always important to me what they think is. What matters really? I've read many books in most of them. We're great ones.Maybe I can be one too! Thank you again have an awesome evening!
Comment from gansach
This is a good entry for the 2-4-2- Poetry competition. An eye-catching image to grab the attention, descriptive words that present pictures in the mind and evoke thoughtful consideration of the act of cremation. Well done!
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2024
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This is a good entry for the 2-4-2- Poetry competition. An eye-catching image to grab the attention, descriptive words that present pictures in the mind and evoke thoughtful consideration of the act of cremation. Well done!
Comment Written 04-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2024
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Thank you again. I appreciate you reading these 3 items for me. Well, I am privileged and honored to receive your reviews.Thank you! Do you know what one ocean said to the other? Nothin' they just waved. Lol
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LOL~here's a wave from me!
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😄😃😀🙃