Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

Good old Abby is coming back into the picture! This is all going very well with people linking up and even Marie undergoing a personality change (credibly conveyed through the more impartial eyes of Fran). I think this is what's called 'getting their ducks in a row.' Well done, Jim! Take care Debbie

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024

Thanks so much, Debbie. We're not quite done with Marie's change yet, and there may still be a few bumps in the road. I'm finding as I write this that her transformation is taking on a third major plot line. She's just such an interesting character to me.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Now Abby gets into the picture. I just know everything will work out perfectly. I can't wait to find out how.

handed her a few papers I'd put together for her. (For a tighter read you could leave off 'for her'. It's understood. Who else would they be for?)

I think she's a natural at this. (Again, for a tighter read, you can omit 'at this', it's understood.)

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024

She does have a way of helping out and solving complex problems. We'll see how much she brings to this project.

Nice suggestions, Barbara. Thank you!

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

Here's how "into" the story I am. When I found out Fran and Dana were going to have lunch at Brian's, I got excited that Dana was going to meet him and get his input:-)

"where Julia and Johnny were playing down on the floor" - you don't need "down" here, we know where the floor is

OMG! We're bringing Abby into the fold! I'm so excited!! Was that planned when you began this book, or did Abby appear to remind you she's brilliant with numbers? I look forward to her return here.

A really good chapter, Jim. As you know, I'm enjoying this very much.

xo
Pam

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024

Almost nothing is planned when I start a novel. Bringing Abby in was definitely not planned, but my first thought to bring her in came when Dana was describing her backstory to Fran near the beginning. I had no idea how I would accomplish it then, though.

It wasn't until I began researching a possible way for Brian to stop the spread of Dipraxa when he was no longer making it that I got the idea of how to bring her into the story. My research revealed that the science involved would likely require statistical modeling, and so Abby sprang to mind for this.

Thanks so much, Pam, for your encouraging reviews and your continuing interest in the story.

Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary

Excellent

Jim,

This story is coming along nicely. It's interesting how Fran and Dana met and now she's a CI for the FBI. It's amazing how circumstances and people connections put us where we need to be when we need to be. Divine intervention.

Well done my friend

Cecilia

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024

In this case, it's probably more author intervention than divine. All three of these main characters are from previous novels of mine, and I thought they would combine well together into a new story.

I like to revisit old characters. We're about to meet my favorite all time character who has appeared in many of my novels. She'll be in the next chapter I post on Tuesday.

reply by Cecilia A Heiskary on 14-Dec-2024

Jim,

I am looking forward to it.

Comment from Peter Jarvis

Excellent

Your chapter develops the story further and deepens the characters' connections. The interactions feel natural, and the dialogue effectively moves the plot along. Here are a few tips to ensure your dialogue remains strong and impactful:

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 Comment Written 14-Dec-2024

Comment from Wayne Fowler

Excellent

I hope all professional conversation is kept from Marie - just good sense.
Fran has told me a lot about y'all. Or is it all y'all? - huh? Did you mean there to be a difference?
Well written. Good work.

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 Comment Written 14-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024

Thanks, Wayne.

The difference is that y'all is meant for a smaller group and all y'all is meant for a larger group. Southerners seem to instinctively know when to use which, but Northerners (even transplanted ones like myself, having lived in the south for only 10 years) don't have a good feel for the dividing line.

reply by Wayne Fowler on 14-Dec-2024

I understand what you're sayin', but you're spelling the two words exactly the same. Oh, wait. I just now saw the 'all' in front. Sorry. Bad reading on my part. We would say all a' y'all with the middle 'a'. (all of you all)

reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024

Got it. I've heard it both ways.

Comment from tfawcus

Exceptional

It seems that quite a bit has been going on since I last looked in. An interesting change in Marie's perspective now there's a grandchild on the scene. The multiple narrators sound like a bit of a challenge. Good luck with it!

 Comment Written 14-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024

Thanks so much, Tony, for dropping by again and for your 6 stars.

You're correct about the challenge of writing it from three characters' perspectives. The biggest part of the challenge is to know when to keep going with one's part and when to switch to another one's part.

Part of what guides the decision is that I want to keep them all in pretty much the same time frame without having to jump back and forth in time. It can also be frustrating for readers if you cut off what should be a continuous part of the story and make them wait a few chapters for the continuation.

It's further complicated by the fact that Marie is only involved in one of the two main plot lines, Dana mostly in the other, and Fran in both. Eventually the three will come together in the end.

All of these things make it a challenge, and I hope I'm doing a good enough job of it to keep it interesting, not confusing, and not frustrating to the readers.