Comment from eliz100

Excellent

I am back on FanStory. It sure did take me long enough. I have jumped into the middle of your story. This is an excellent chapter. I do not see any need for corrections. Have a blessed day.

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024

Hi, Lee. Welcome back! I don't think you read my previous novel called Duel with the Devil but it was about a young man named Brian Kendrick, who was in an auto accident when he was 16 and was in chronic pain and became addicted to opioids. He then made it his goal to study neuroscience in college with the goal of inventing a non-addictive painkiller to cure his chronic pain. In rehab when he was 16, he meets Julia who is an extremely good violinist, who has a terrible mother and violin teacher (Dr. Marie Schmidt) who drives her to drugs because she is a cold hearted, demanding bitch.

Brian's first attempt at creating a non-addictive drug, called Dipraxa, proved to be extremely addictive at a high dose, but he fixes the problem and creates Glyptophan which, in this story, a sequel, is currently undergoing human trials, and has proven very successful so far. Brian sold a license to his former employer and earned 8 figures for it, so he is very rich now. Julia, who Brian married right after college, was a touring violinist of world fame until they decided to have a baby, and now she has a 1-year old who she stays at home with. In the meantime, she develops a love for fiddle and banjo and now plays part-time in a bluegrass band.

Brian's sister is an FBI agent who is in charge of a mission to stop the spread of Brian's first addictive drug, Dipraxa, whose formula was stolen and given to the Chinese who now produce it and sell it in the US. It is so pleasurable and addictive that it will eventually ruin the US economy because no one who takes it will want to work after taking it.

We also meet Dana Padgett in this story who works for a Big Pharma company intent on destroying Brian's new successful drug, Glyptophan, before it takes the place of their cash cow opioids and hurts their bottom line. She meets Fran and becomes a whistleblower and a confidential informant for the FBI and reports to Fran any shenanigans she sees.

Dr. Marie Schmidt (Julia's mother) is also one of the three main characters in the story besides Fran and Dana. She and Julia were estranged for 13 years, but Julia invites her down for the Christening, and she meets little Johnny. She and Julia make up after Brian helps them with this, and the baby now creates a great pull for her to continue the relationship. The story shows the gradual transformation of Marie into a decent person.

That's about where we are now in the story. Abby Payne, who you may remember from a previous story, has joined Brian to try to figure out the way to stop the spread of Dipraxa.

This is a complicated story with 3 main plots: the attempt to stop the spread of Dipraxa, the fight against Big Pharma who wants to ruin Glyptophan, and the evolution of Marie. The three main characters will come together by the end. The story is only about 1/3 of the way through now.

Hope I brought you up to speed with this brief recap.

reply by eliz100 on 17-Dec-2024

Thank you so much for filling me in.

reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024

One more thing that comes up periodically that I should explain. Marie (Dr. Schmidt, who is a doctor of music) has a funny relationship with the doorman at her apartment in New York City. He is a young black man whose name is Cedric, but she accidentally called him Cecil. He likewise calls her Ms. Schmidt, even though she refers to herself as Dr. Schmidt. It's now a little game they play with each other. This is a typical dialog between them from early in the story:

I phoned Cedric at his desk downstairs.
"Yo, Ms. Schmidt."
"It's Dr. Schmidt, Cecil."
"It's Cedric, ma'am."
"Whatever."

This is repeated several times in the story.

reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024

One more thing that comes up periodically that I should explain. Marie (Dr. Schmidt, who is a doctor of music) has a funny relationship with the doorman at her apartment in New York City. He is a young black man whose name is Cedric, but she accidentally called him Cecil. He likewise calls her Ms. Schmidt, even though she refers to herself as Dr. Schmidt. It's now a little game they play with each other. This is a typical dialog between them from early in the story:

I phoned Cedric at his desk downstairs.
"Yo, Ms. Schmidt."
"It's Dr. Schmidt, Cecil."
"It's Cedric, ma'am."
"Whatever."

This is repeated several times in the story.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

And the ball is rolling so to speak. I can't wait to read more. You're doing a great job writing this and I couldn't find any way to improve this post. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024

Thanks so much, Barbara. In the next chapter, we'll finally find out what Brian's plan is for stopping Dipraxa, with further details to come in chapter 20. It's kind of neat what they are planning.

reply by barbara.wilkey on 17-Dec-2024

I'm sure it is.

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

Sounds like the players are just about all in place and the real action will begin. I'm really interested to see how you pull all this off, Jim - science, math, detective work. You have to know a lot about all these subjects to make them realistic in your story.

Then there's Marie:-)

I'll be taking time off in January to write the last two chapters of my book, but I will be reading the novels that I've begun, like yours.

See ya soon!

xo
Pam

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024

Just one more team member to recruit--the programmer, but you can probably guess who it will be (not E.J., though).

You'll get the basics of the plan in the next chapter (16), but full details will come out in chapter 20.

I don't know as much about these subjects as you might think. Just enough to raise questions, which I get answered for their feasibility using my favorite AI bot. It's very cool really.

I start by asking a few basic questions based on a possible solution to Brian's problem I've thought of. For example: I might ask it: Are there any plants known to grow only in one place in the world?

When I have a few basic questions answered that reinforce my idea, I will tell the bot I'm writing a novel and I describe the plot situation. Then I will propose my possible solution to it, and ask it if this is at all feasible. He will tell me whether or not it might be and give suggestions on how--details I may want to include in the story. It maintains the entire context of the chat, and I can add further questions and it knows what I'm talking about.

When it knows you're writing a novel, it will often give additional plot ideas to consider. It's a very cool and fun process chatting with the bot. And it sure beats the hours of research time this would take trying to find answers to my questions simply using Google searches.

reply by Pam Lonsdale on 17-Dec-2024

I use chatgpt for research and to run text by to keep in correct tense - my weak spot. I still prefer grammarly for grammatical stuff.

Thanks for the details.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

This is almost too good to be true but, with women in control, I can believe it! Taking on this massive security problem is a significant undertaking. But we know Abby is a genius and nothing daunts her. I wondered if Fran should expose her identity quite that freely over the phone (which might not be safe from interception) and, obviously, Abby will need to see proof of ID when she arrives. But another excellent and detailed chapter bringing everything up to date. Well done, Jim. Take care Debbie

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024

Hey! Don't forget Brian is a big part of this too. :-)

I always like to find a way to bring Abby into my stories. She's my all time favorite character.

Ordinarily, an FBI agent wouldn't divulge their job in most conversations, but when trying to enlist someone's support she needed to. Her phone software encrypts her conversations, so she doesn't worry too much about being intercepted.

We'll get to see the rudimentary plan in the next chapter when the whole team is together. Can you guess who the programmer will be? (Hint: It won't be E.J.)

Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary

Excellent

Jim,

This is a great chapter. It seems like the clan is moving right along with their problem. Hopefully Abby can assist Brian with his math project.

Well done my friend.

Cecilia

 Comment Written 17-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024

Thanks so much, Cecilia. Abby is my all time favorite character and features in 7 of my 8 novels. It's a challenge to bring her in because my novels are not serialized, but it's always fun to figure out a way to do it. She has just a small role in this one, but it's an important one.

reply by Cecilia A Heiskary on 17-Dec-2024

You're welcome. Look forward to the next chapter.

Cecilia

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

They are fortunate that Aby is free to come at a moment's notice, but it does sound as if she will bve a good fit for their team. If she is an inventor she'll also have a creative mind as well as her mathematical abilities. Great chapter.
Wendy

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 Comment Written 17-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024

Thanks, Wendy. Abby will make a great addition to the team, but I'll only be able to describe what her role will be in very basic terms because her knowledge of mathematics is way beyond mine. We'll get a feel for what she will do in the next chapter.

Comment from Wayne Fowler

Excellent

I don't know how you do it, write the details. My fingers would type 'They called Abby and arranged a meeting.' (smiley face here) But that's why so many of my projects end at 20K words.
Best wishes.

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 Comment Written 17-Dec-2024

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reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024

You cracked me up with this, Wayne! You did, however, point out something I continually struggle with, and that is the amount of detail and small talk to put in a chapter. Often, my first cut at some chapters is way too long, and I have to go back and severely trim the content.

I tend to write dialog the way I picture people speaking, which is often with more words than necessary, then I go back and edit it down to cut to the chase. But it's always a balancing act between making it realistic and getting to the point without too much fluff and repetition.

It's funny, because in real life, I'm much more succinct in my speech than my characters. I'm always amused when I go to a restaurant with my wife and her order will go something like this:

"I'll have the chef's special, but could you make sure the vegetables are sauteed rather than steamed, and could I substitute a baked potato rather than mashed potatoes? Could you also make sure the salad dressing is on the side and there's no black pepper in anything?"

My order will go like this: "I'll have the fish and chips."