I Hereby Crown Thee ...
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Love and Laughter"A collection of crowns of sonnets
56 total reviews
Comment from davidray
Whew!
I made it through, and yes, could certainly sense your passion and love in your words. A long one, but a goody. Job well done. Thanks for sharing.
David
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Whew!
I made it through, and yes, could certainly sense your passion and love in your words. A long one, but a goody. Job well done. Thanks for sharing.
David
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Thanks David; it was a monster undertaking, but well worth it when so many people read it and enjoy the experience.
Mike
Comment from Adam Smith
Fleed, thanks for the awesome epic read. It was not a chore to get through, on the contrary, it was a delight. I gushed with feelings as I read Act I, and in my mind I did relate the two Acts, only felt the second might have come first, expressing the birth of a love so deep and true as to warrant the writing of the first.
I notice your voice changed between Acts, as did your demeanor, in that the first was very sensual and sensitive, as if you are beggin we readers to understand and appreciate the truth of your words (or perhaps making clear to your love their depth). The second act is written in a voice I imagine to be bard-like (Not Wm. Shkspr), as though it is a story told in a cozy inn in some fantasy world or Arthurian time. There's almost an irreverance, but not quite. As if you know it's a tall tale, and rather than try to convince us it's not, you go with it and this adds a great level of humor, and even humility. I really enjoyed both as they stand alone, but even more so as my mind tried to make connections. The contrast in voice, and the contrast in the tone (one almost comical, the first serious and sentimental) makes each more interesting. It's as if this knight found his love and the world took on a new meaning, a new seriousness. Is that not true in reality? And the next level comes with the children.
Alone, we can go through life, and the world, without much care and with much jesting.
But when we have that special love, we take more care, knowing what we have to lose.
These are just terrific and I'd never separate them, though you might consider connecting them more closely, either with an interlude, or perhaps by presenting Act II first, and using your wonderful device of repeating the last line of each "unit" in the beginning of the next.
I completely understand your thoughts on syllable count, and you just have to let the reader read. They will form the words in the way that best fits for them. You needn't worry about the few who will call you out for the very rare "bump." If it were a large issue, in that the meter were completely out of whack, it would bear mention, but the very rare issues of "bumpiness," I've chalked up to poetric license, and they are easily read around.
Thanks for the very entertaining read. I was very impressed. Believe me, it wasn't solely the length that was impressive, though it's hard to pull it off in this day and age for sure. It was the wealth of wordage that never ceased, of creative costruction and wonderful images.
Sincerley, Adam
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Fleed, thanks for the awesome epic read. It was not a chore to get through, on the contrary, it was a delight. I gushed with feelings as I read Act I, and in my mind I did relate the two Acts, only felt the second might have come first, expressing the birth of a love so deep and true as to warrant the writing of the first.
I notice your voice changed between Acts, as did your demeanor, in that the first was very sensual and sensitive, as if you are beggin we readers to understand and appreciate the truth of your words (or perhaps making clear to your love their depth). The second act is written in a voice I imagine to be bard-like (Not Wm. Shkspr), as though it is a story told in a cozy inn in some fantasy world or Arthurian time. There's almost an irreverance, but not quite. As if you know it's a tall tale, and rather than try to convince us it's not, you go with it and this adds a great level of humor, and even humility. I really enjoyed both as they stand alone, but even more so as my mind tried to make connections. The contrast in voice, and the contrast in the tone (one almost comical, the first serious and sentimental) makes each more interesting. It's as if this knight found his love and the world took on a new meaning, a new seriousness. Is that not true in reality? And the next level comes with the children.
Alone, we can go through life, and the world, without much care and with much jesting.
But when we have that special love, we take more care, knowing what we have to lose.
These are just terrific and I'd never separate them, though you might consider connecting them more closely, either with an interlude, or perhaps by presenting Act II first, and using your wonderful device of repeating the last line of each "unit" in the beginning of the next.
I completely understand your thoughts on syllable count, and you just have to let the reader read. They will form the words in the way that best fits for them. You needn't worry about the few who will call you out for the very rare "bump." If it were a large issue, in that the meter were completely out of whack, it would bear mention, but the very rare issues of "bumpiness," I've chalked up to poetric license, and they are easily read around.
Thanks for the very entertaining read. I was very impressed. Believe me, it wasn't solely the length that was impressive, though it's hard to pull it off in this day and age for sure. It was the wealth of wordage that never ceased, of creative costruction and wonderful images.
Sincerley, Adam
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Wow, thankyou Adam. For many things within your thoughtful and detailed response, but especially for being the first person to like the presentation of the two works together (where most have not mentioned it, and several have criticised it). To me, they belong together, as I wrote them at the same time, felt them together, and did them both as a response to a contest challenge that really caught my imagination.
Anyway, it is entirely possible that there are links, as the simultaneous composition cannot be escaped, and your suggestion of switching the order is intriguing. You've done something rare among reviews; you've made me look at my own work in a new way. That's seriously good!
Thankyou once again for enjoying the read and for passing your thoughts to me.
Mike.
Comment from flea0420
This is so tastefully erotic. I am highly impressed with the form and the story and imagery. It was long but that was no bother at all because I found it so compelling wanting to know more and how it ends. Very well done!!
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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This is so tastefully erotic. I am highly impressed with the form and the story and imagery. It was long but that was no bother at all because I found it so compelling wanting to know more and how it ends. Very well done!!
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Hi Flea! I am so glad you enjoyed the read, and that it held your attention. Thankyou kindly for the brilliant review, and mostly for reading :-)
Mike
Comment from KYPollard/El Gato
This is quite an epic poem. Well written. It tells a nice story. Thank you for your author's notes. I enjoyed reading this. I found no errors.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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This is quite an epic poem. Well written. It tells a nice story. Thank you for your author's notes. I enjoyed reading this. I found no errors.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Thankyou Gato. I'm glad you enjoyed tagging along for the journey :-)
Mike
Comment from justmade
WOW! This is one epic poem. I love the story.
I am impressed by how you managed to get me reading and not worrying too much about the length and also how you were consistent with the pattern.
Well done.
Much love,
Justmade.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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WOW! This is one epic poem. I love the story.
I am impressed by how you managed to get me reading and not worrying too much about the length and also how you were consistent with the pattern.
Well done.
Much love,
Justmade.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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THankyou Justmade. I'm so glad my work sucked you in and kept you reading; that people are reading and enjoying it is the best compliment they can give me :-)
Mike
Comment from TheDon
You get a 5 just for writing two! Actually, you should get a 10! Are far as I could tell, you've done exactly as instructed - and not an easy task!
Ironic Comment (for someone known to dabble in the multi-syllabollic): "perspicacity" just seems out of place with the rest of the vocabulary.
"Each time it dances gaily in the breeze," is the second time you start a line with a form of "each time" (I'm not sure, but I don't think this repitition was a requirement).
Is it "hyps" or "hips"?
And, just for the record, I liked the second one better.
I hope this helps and good luck.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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You get a 5 just for writing two! Actually, you should get a 10! Are far as I could tell, you've done exactly as instructed - and not an easy task!
Ironic Comment (for someone known to dabble in the multi-syllabollic): "perspicacity" just seems out of place with the rest of the vocabulary.
"Each time it dances gaily in the breeze," is the second time you start a line with a form of "each time" (I'm not sure, but I don't think this repitition was a requirement).
Is it "hyps" or "hips"?
And, just for the record, I liked the second one better.
I hope this helps and good luck.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Thankyou TheDon! I shall have a look at perspicacity; it's a word I keep using recently, it must be stuck in my head! "Hyp" is an old word for a morbid depression.
As for the line opening repetitions, you're right that there's no requirement for them. They came about because initially I wanted to use first word repetition for most of the poem, but that became extremely awkward and I ended up abandoning it. In retrospect, I should have gone back and re-worked a little those lines where I had used it!
Thankyou so much for the review :-)
Mike
Comment from Janilou
This is more than a poem. It's an epic journey! Wow. Such vivid and beautiful descriptions you have given to us here.
The only thing I was unsure of was why you changed to bold text for those particular lines.
I am in awe of your poetic talent.
Wow.
Jan
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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This is more than a poem. It's an epic journey! Wow. Such vivid and beautiful descriptions you have given to us here.
The only thing I was unsure of was why you changed to bold text for those particular lines.
I am in awe of your poetic talent.
Wow.
Jan
Comment Written 11-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Thankyou Jan, for such a glowing, positive review! The bold text was simply a device to indicate that the speaker was not one of the main characters, and as far as I can remember I used it only for the yeti's speech, and the dragon's, both of which I imaging to have big, deep voices... Hence the bold :-)
I am so glad you enjoyed taking this journey with me.
Mike
Comment from drivenbackward
That's quite a poem, Fleed. You took the reader on several journeys. The flow is good, and the content was even better. Strong grammar, too. This isn't really the type of thing I enjoy reading, but your talent is obvious.
Why me? He thought, --- he thought
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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That's quite a poem, Fleed. You took the reader on several journeys. The flow is good, and the content was even better. Strong grammar, too. This isn't really the type of thing I enjoy reading, but your talent is obvious.
Why me? He thought, --- he thought
Comment Written 11-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Thankyou DB. It's been a quest just getting these finished, and as I said in my notes there was a third, but I just couldn't make it work. It's great that so many people have enjoyed reading them.
Mike
Comment from allborn66
These are very interesting poems. I only wish that I had read them when my daughters were not making cookies together, very distracting. They were very entertaining, and held my distracted attention well.
Barbara
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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These are very interesting poems. I only wish that I had read them when my daughters were not making cookies together, very distracting. They were very entertaining, and held my distracted attention well.
Barbara
Comment Written 11-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Thankyou Barbara :-). If I can entertain even amongst distraction, I must have done something right! I'm very grateful you took the time to read and review.
Mike
Comment from JoAnna Lee
Wow Mike!!! I like them both... and I understand your labor of love with them. Don't know about posting a "two-fer-one" as a contest entry, though. Hmmm...
Anyway... BOTH are excellent works!
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Wow Mike!!! I like them both... and I understand your labor of love with them. Don't know about posting a "two-fer-one" as a contest entry, though. Hmmm...
Anyway... BOTH are excellent works!
Thanks for sharing,
Donna
Comment Written 11-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
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Thank you Donna. I also wasn't sure about posting both, but since they only came about after the contest stoked the fires of my imagination, and I love them both equally despite them being so vastly different, I didn;t see any choice but to post both. If I end up penalised for it, so be it, the main thing is I wrote them and so many people have enjoyed reading them. Thankyou kindly for taking the time out to do just that, and to send me your thoughts :-)