Jack's Little Orange Crayon
A story of a boy and his imagination22 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
It's a real cute poem...I wish for the story you would have done more than insert a few lines between your poem stanza's though...
Carol
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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It's a real cute poem...I wish for the story you would have done more than insert a few lines between your poem stanza's though...
Carol
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I totally agree. I have a longer verson where there is more between the stanzas. I shortened this on for the contest. This is more of the essentials, the other expands and explains more.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a cute story for children. Sometimes they are bored and imagine that objects can talk and are their playmates. I used to believe all the bright colors were girls and the blues, browns, blacks and purples were boys.
I also drew on the walls and got in trouble.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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This is a cute story for children. Sometimes they are bored and imagine that objects can talk and are their playmates. I used to believe all the bright colors were girls and the blues, browns, blacks and purples were boys.
I also drew on the walls and got in trouble.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I'm glad you could relate.
Comment from gene_ink
Interesting presentation of an old story. The rhyme and rhythm added to the story. A few suggestions:
where you draw. " Cancel space.
thought(,) Jack and his
dining room(,) Jack drew
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Interesting presentation of an old story. The rhyme and rhythm added to the story. A few suggestions:
where you draw. " Cancel space.
thought(,) Jack and his
dining room(,) Jack drew
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review and sugestions. I appreciate it very much.
Comment from missy98writer
Writer,
I enjoyed your rhyming story / poem that's also a story "Jack's Little Orange Crayon." Your story is well executed through the eyes of a child. I like the use of a orange crayon throughout the story. I liked the lines:
"Mother I'm sorry I did something wrong.
I drew on the floor but I knew all along,
paper's for drawing, not the ceiling or floor,
not the dining room wall, paper-- nothing more',
You've written a wonderful story for the writing prompt.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Writer,
I enjoyed your rhyming story / poem that's also a story "Jack's Little Orange Crayon." Your story is well executed through the eyes of a child. I like the use of a orange crayon throughout the story. I liked the lines:
"Mother I'm sorry I did something wrong.
I drew on the floor but I knew all along,
paper's for drawing, not the ceiling or floor,
not the dining room wall, paper-- nothing more',
You've written a wonderful story for the writing prompt.
Melissa.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent story, very original.
I liked the way his mother said
This one is special, it should stay for awhile.
I wish all mothers take kindly to their children the same way.
The crayon did a good job and so did ur pen.
Good luck.
Wishing you A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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Excellent story, very original.
I liked the way his mother said
This one is special, it should stay for awhile.
I wish all mothers take kindly to their children the same way.
The crayon did a good job and so did ur pen.
Good luck.
Wishing you A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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Thank you very much for your review.
Comment from Jnetgame
I did enjoy this poem/story about Jack and his crayon. This entry shows a lot of imagination. I'm glad Jack's mom didn't get too upset with him for coloring the walls. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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I did enjoy this poem/story about Jack and his crayon. This entry shows a lot of imagination. I'm glad Jack's mom didn't get too upset with him for coloring the walls. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I think my son is bring my imagination back. Too fun.
Comment from nora arjuna
hi there, that was quite an enjoyable read. could it be that jack was making it up in his mind about his friend crayon talking. very imaginative of him. i wish you all the best with this.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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hi there, that was quite an enjoyable read. could it be that jack was making it up in his mind about his friend crayon talking. very imaginative of him. i wish you all the best with this.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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Thank you so much for the review. I appreicate you comments.
Comment from Judith Ann
Very good story of a young boy's experience, and through his eyes too. It is a lot of fun to read and I can see this as an illustrated book for children. I can imagine that this little boy could truly think that he was making the house prettier. The heart and the mind of a child is not yet influenced by the world's expectations. Very nice writing. -Judy
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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Very good story of a young boy's experience, and through his eyes too. It is a lot of fun to read and I can see this as an illustrated book for children. I can imagine that this little boy could truly think that he was making the house prettier. The heart and the mind of a child is not yet influenced by the world's expectations. Very nice writing. -Judy
Comment Written 26-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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Thank you very much.
Comment from mbroyles2
I really enjoyed this. I think writing a story that rhymes is hard to pull off, unless you are Dr. Seuss, but you did it masterfully.
You made this a story of telling the truth and accepting blame for your wrong doings, and to put it in a child's story is excellent. I will read this to my young son, and hope he gets the message as you delivered.
Thanks for letting me read your work.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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I really enjoyed this. I think writing a story that rhymes is hard to pull off, unless you are Dr. Seuss, but you did it masterfully.
You made this a story of telling the truth and accepting blame for your wrong doings, and to put it in a child's story is excellent. I will read this to my young son, and hope he gets the message as you delivered.
Thanks for letting me read your work.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your wonderful words, and for the six stars wow! I hope your son enjoys it.
Comment from AlvinTEthington
What a sweet story. I very much like the moral of truth-telling in the story. It may be a cliche, but confession is good for the soul. I like how you work verse into a prose work. The punctuation is not standard (e.g. appositive phrases are not set off by commas), but that seems appropriate for an imaginary story.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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What a sweet story. I very much like the moral of truth-telling in the story. It may be a cliche, but confession is good for the soul. I like how you work verse into a prose work. The punctuation is not standard (e.g. appositive phrases are not set off by commas), but that seems appropriate for an imaginary story.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2009
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Thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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You're welcome.