Comment from Penpal

Excellent

A lovely poem with a powerful message. I like the rhythm and rhyming scheme. And I especially liked:

Too lazy to do what's within your own reach

But criticize others, on their fight to succeed

Oh, how true this is. Nicely done.

Pen

 Comment Written 11-May-2010

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reply by the author on 11-May-2010

thanks pen

Comment from Ponder

Excellent

Hi Deepwater,

Good advice held in a very nicely put together poem. Loveley imagery in here. The Phoenix is one of my favourite analogies.

The fear of reaching out often holds us back.

Jules

 Comment Written 11-May-2010

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reply by the author on 11-May-2010

thanks again Jules

Comment from leesm

Excellent

Real friends will stay, locked deep in your heart

So always remember the place that you start

Some real wisdom in these lines, my friend.
Nice poem, well done!
-Lee

 Comment Written 11-May-2010

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reply by the author on 11-May-2010

thanks Lee

Comment from azwildrosa

Excellent

wonderful, i love the rhyming brings it to life. a pleasant on when read out loud. it reaches out to me, it says don't give up, keep working you'll be there one day. thank you for sharing. i love forward to reading more!

 Comment Written 11-May-2010

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reply by the author on 11-May-2010

thank you AZ

Comment from Harrisa

Excellent

This is a very nice poem. Sometimes we do need to try to reach our own dreams, and stop hating others who try and succeed with theirs.

 Comment Written 10-May-2010

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reply by the author on 11-May-2010

Thank you Harrisa

Comment from Charlene0513

Excellent

To deepwater,
A free verse poem which touches on a few important and validating points that will scope one's destiny and their purpose in life.
Very pratical and yet very knowledgeable principles to live by.
Charlene

 Comment Written 10-May-2010

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reply by the author on 11-May-2010

Thank you charlene

Comment from MacNizzle

Excellent

An interesting and inspirational poem. Not just a good rhyme with a good beat, but a universal message that everyone can relate to. The second to last line could use an off-beat at the beginning, but that's just me trying to find something to write here. Just want to give you some more stars...

 Comment Written 10-May-2010

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reply by the author on 10-May-2010

thank you Mac

Comment from miss joyce

Excellent

As you move forward to reach your goals, don't forget the friends who were there from the first. I enjoyed reading this. The rhyme and flow was good and had nice imagery. Good luck with your book!

 Comment Written 10-May-2010

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reply by the author on 10-May-2010

thank you again miss J

reply by miss joyce on 10-May-2010

Again, you are welcome, for I enjoy reading and reviewing such nice writes.

Comment from skye

Excellent

Sadness.. the wish you never achieve.
Great opening lines for this well crafted poem.
Love the melancholy laced with the upbeat.
Very very well done.

 Comment Written 10-May-2010

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reply by the author on 10-May-2010

thank you skye

Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

I like this poem as it is one of hope
and encouragement--a gentle push to
get off one's duff and reach and stretch for
life and success, etc.

I do have one or two minor suggestions for you
to consider:

So remove your defenses, go reach for the sky
[reach is repetitive to the same word in the previous line. Perhaps find a synonym for reach for this line, i.e., stretch, aspire for, soar toward, etc]

Go forward with gusto[,] show life what you are

The phoenix that rise's[rises], now claim your new start

I enjoyed your poem. Thanks for sharing. -ray

 Comment Written 09-May-2010

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reply by the author on 10-May-2010

thank you for reading