The Hotel
A family love forever16 total reviews
Comment from Shirley B
very good story as seen through the eyes of a child. I felt his pain and confusion. You were able to show that very well. You did a very good job. Good luck in the contest, Shirley
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
  |
very good story as seen through the eyes of a child. I felt his pain and confusion. You were able to show that very well. You did a very good job. Good luck in the contest, Shirley
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
-
Shirley, thank you for reading and the positive comments.
Comment from JeJo
This is such an emotional story. And a perfect example through the eyes of a child.
Here's a couple suggestions:
"Yes. Yes he is." - add comma after second yes
"you hear me young man?" - comma after me
Wonderful story. - JeJo
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
|
This is such an emotional story. And a perfect example through the eyes of a child.
Here's a couple suggestions:
"Yes. Yes he is." - add comma after second yes
"you hear me young man?" - comma after me
Wonderful story. - JeJo
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
-
JeJo, thank you for reading and commenting on this story and for those suggestions. I appreciate it.
Comment from krdeering
This is a nice piece of writing, and a good entry in the "through the eyes of a child" writing prompt. It's sparing of words, but each bit of dialogue expresses a lot of meaning. By the end, a reader knows a lot about the members of this little family--and it's all through the eyes of a child. Good job.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
|
This is a nice piece of writing, and a good entry in the "through the eyes of a child" writing prompt. It's sparing of words, but each bit of dialogue expresses a lot of meaning. By the end, a reader knows a lot about the members of this little family--and it's all through the eyes of a child. Good job.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
-
Wow... thank you for taking the time to review my story and for the positive feedback. It's greatly appreciated...
Comment from RebelRose
I understand how things can get mixed up and messed up when transferring from 'word' to this site. It has happened to me. It leaves question marks at the end of mine. I have to watch for it. I am changing the rating to a 5 because it is a good story.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
|
I understand how things can get mixed up and messed up when transferring from 'word' to this site. It has happened to me. It leaves question marks at the end of mine. I have to watch for it. I am changing the rating to a 5 because it is a good story.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
-
RebelRose... I just corrected those question marks. Somehow they got into my edits, I had no clue, Possibly you can go back and re-review the story now that the distractions have been eliminated. Thank you greatly....
-
I changed it. It looks a lot better now.
-
Thank you so much...
Comment from Shirley McLain
A very good story. It brings out a lot of emotion when reading it. I did not find any spag. Your characters are strong and the dialog is good. Good job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
|
A very good story. It brings out a lot of emotion when reading it. I did not find any spag. Your characters are strong and the dialog is good. Good job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
-
Thank you so much for the positive review. I appreciate it greatly.
Comment from IndianaIrish
A powerful and moving story with so much emotion. I like your characters right away and I care about them ... an important element in any very short story. Difficult to do, but you do very well. Unfortunately, I must have used up my quota of sixers on your writing, for I have no sixers to give you :>( Two minor corrections to look at.
Best of luck in the contest!
Indy :>)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
|
A powerful and moving story with so much emotion. I like your characters right away and I care about them ... an important element in any very short story. Difficult to do, but you do very well. Unfortunately, I must have used up my quota of sixers on your writing, for I have no sixers to give you :>( Two minor corrections to look at.
Best of luck in the contest!
Indy :>)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2010
-
Indy, thank you for taking the time to review my story. I went back and made 2 corrections. I believe they will now eliminate any SPAG.Thank yoy for the positive review. Its those reviews that keep someone like myself to continue writing...