Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Wishing Well of Fate"An extended story in poem form
22 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a wonderful picture that goes along with the story in poetic form. you did a great job on this one
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a wonderful picture that goes along with the story in poetic form. you did a great job on this one
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Thank you :-). I'm really enjoying writing this series of poems.
Mike
Comment from Rasp E
Ooohh. Darker and darker. Better and better. I do enjoy this series and I hope very much that someone picks it up for publication.
The enjambment on lines nine and 10 of XIX broke me out of the groove a little, but I thought about it a bit and it works for a nice dramatic pause there - makes the reader think about that image a bit. Gagged before a judge...mmm.
XXI was fantastic all the way through.
Cheers!
Erica
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Ooohh. Darker and darker. Better and better. I do enjoy this series and I hope very much that someone picks it up for publication.
The enjambment on lines nine and 10 of XIX broke me out of the groove a little, but I thought about it a bit and it works for a nice dramatic pause there - makes the reader think about that image a bit. Gagged before a judge...mmm.
XXI was fantastic all the way through.
Cheers!
Erica
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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I'm so glad you enjoyed this new chapter, Erica :-). I did wonder for a while about the enjambment, as it's a technique I've not much used in these poems, but I do like to shake things up every now and then. I think, if you get too caught up in the tune of a poem, it's easy to miss some of the words. Thanks for the great review!
Mike
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I have not read all the previous chapter. I guess poems have chapters. I have caught a few of them. I never thought of telling a story through a poem. Great job.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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I have not read all the previous chapter. I guess poems have chapters. I have caught a few of them. I never thought of telling a story through a poem. Great job.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Thank you, Barbara :-). I'm having a great time writing this series. I'm certainly glad I decided to give it a go. So glad you enjoyed this latest installment.
Mike
Comment from Judian James
Hi there Mike. This is so not my genre, but you're such a talented writer, I'm completely hooked nonetheless and look forward to these posts. "All peace had left this loveless place to fester in deceit" good line ... "They herded us by gun and boot into a rotting shed" Do you realize the skill it takes to write a line such as that with such musicality? The entire final segment was sooo good, Mike. Hell, I could have quoted the entire piece.
BRAVO! So visual, so well paced, so perfectly rhymed!
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Hi there Mike. This is so not my genre, but you're such a talented writer, I'm completely hooked nonetheless and look forward to these posts. "All peace had left this loveless place to fester in deceit" good line ... "They herded us by gun and boot into a rotting shed" Do you realize the skill it takes to write a line such as that with such musicality? The entire final segment was sooo good, Mike. Hell, I could have quoted the entire piece.
BRAVO! So visual, so well paced, so perfectly rhymed!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Aww, Jude, you made me blush! I've never been great at taking compliments (not that I'm complaining :-)). Thank you for your lovely comments this roasting 6:45am on a train drifting inevitably towards central London. I'm so glad you are enjoying this series!
Mike
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I meant every word
Comment from azwildrosa
i have to admit i had to pull the dictionary out on this one. not a big deal really. doesn't hurt to learn. it also allowed me to get a better understanding of your poem. it has great imagery and pain. i look forward to reading more. thank you for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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i have to admit i had to pull the dictionary out on this one. not a big deal really. doesn't hurt to learn. it also allowed me to get a better understanding of your poem. it has great imagery and pain. i look forward to reading more. thank you for sharing. :)
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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Thank you, Wildrose :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much. I do love to use unusual words, and it's great to hear from someone who does whatt I do when they meet a new one. Thanks so much for the great review!
Mike
Comment from JimLee
This is the first of the chapters I have read. You have a fantastic ability to arrange the words in rhythm and rhyme and yet tell a vivid story that runs the movie projector in my mind. This reads like an Academy Award thriller.
I will go back and read the previous chapters.
I am very impressed with your talent!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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This is the first of the chapters I have read. You have a fantastic ability to arrange the words in rhythm and rhyme and yet tell a vivid story that runs the movie projector in my mind. This reads like an Academy Award thriller.
I will go back and read the previous chapters.
I am very impressed with your talent!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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Thank you, Jim. I am honoured! I do tend to write very visually, describing the scene as I watch it in my head. I'd be a nightmare for a director who tried to turn any of my stories into a movie, cause it's all there in my head, from camera angles to comic timg :-)
Thanks so much for the great review, I really appreciate it.
Mike
Comment from NadiaScrieva
I really really enjoyed this! It reminds me of... a Homeric epic poem. But turned inside out! This part particularly brought that to mind:
"And then Dark Eve became a cloak
thrown bloody over me,
her body flung to save my life
and possibilities."
It sounds like an epithet, the opposite of Dawn with her Rosy Fingers. kind of like the "snot-green sea" in James Joyce making fun of Homer's "wine-dark sea." I don't know if this is the effect you intended, but I really like it.
Best wishes,
Nadia
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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I really really enjoyed this! It reminds me of... a Homeric epic poem. But turned inside out! This part particularly brought that to mind:
"And then Dark Eve became a cloak
thrown bloody over me,
her body flung to save my life
and possibilities."
It sounds like an epithet, the opposite of Dawn with her Rosy Fingers. kind of like the "snot-green sea" in James Joyce making fun of Homer's "wine-dark sea." I don't know if this is the effect you intended, but I really like it.
Best wishes,
Nadia
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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Thank you, Nadia; what a grand compliment! I'm certainly angling for that epic tale in poetic form kind of feel, so it's fantastic to hear that a little of it is getting through. Thanks so much for stopping by :-)
Mike
Comment from Sasha
Decayed, decrepit, rotting eyes with madness housed within....now that's one of the best descriptions I've read in quite some time. It conjures up amazing visual and emotional imagery. You are doing an amazing job with this. You have completely captured my full attention and I cannot wait until the next chapter. Superb work my friend@
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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Decayed, decrepit, rotting eyes with madness housed within....now that's one of the best descriptions I've read in quite some time. It conjures up amazing visual and emotional imagery. You are doing an amazing job with this. You have completely captured my full attention and I cannot wait until the next chapter. Superb work my friend@
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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Thank you so much, my dear friend :-). I have a bit of a struggle with every chapter of this, worried zi can't match previous installments. Your support means the world.
Mike
Comment from Sally Carter
Great poetry Mike, though I have only read odd bits of the rest of the story. I know there was one section in the recent POM, which I enjoyed very much.
Tremendous rhyme and meter and still a pleasure to read, even without the background. Very dark atmosphere - chilling indeed.
The only place where I could see a possible tweak was on the line
the madness must all burn.
It felt as if a slightly unnatural stress is needed on "must". How would it sound to reverse the order, so it reads "The madness all must burn"?
I know accents can make a huge difference to the sound of a line, so just ignore if it doesn't work for you.
Best wishes.
Sally
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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Great poetry Mike, though I have only read odd bits of the rest of the story. I know there was one section in the recent POM, which I enjoyed very much.
Tremendous rhyme and meter and still a pleasure to read, even without the background. Very dark atmosphere - chilling indeed.
The only place where I could see a possible tweak was on the line
the madness must all burn.
It felt as if a slightly unnatural stress is needed on "must". How would it sound to reverse the order, so it reads "The madness all must burn"?
I know accents can make a huge difference to the sound of a line, so just ignore if it doesn't work for you.
Best wishes.
Sally
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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Thank you, Sally :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter, especially considering you've not read all the preceeding bits. I'll certainly take a look at that line; I still need to do a second draft and there're a couple of other bits I want to tweak too. Thanks again!
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
our sanity their meal - killer line :-)
peace had left this loveless place to fester in deceit - talk about creating mood through setting
Wow, talk about getting into a mess of trouble - hog tied, kicked, being tried by a kangaroo court - throughout you use such great descriptive detail. Your lines have steady cadence, strong rhymes. I particularly liked within/chagrin.
Your story is so easy to visualize and totally captivating to follow :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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our sanity their meal - killer line :-)
peace had left this loveless place to fester in deceit - talk about creating mood through setting
Wow, talk about getting into a mess of trouble - hog tied, kicked, being tried by a kangaroo court - throughout you use such great descriptive detail. Your lines have steady cadence, strong rhymes. I particularly liked within/chagrin.
Your story is so easy to visualize and totally captivating to follow :-) Brooke
Comment Written 28-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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Thank you, Brooke :-). I had trouble getting going with this one, but then finished it in a rush this morning. I now have a solid idea where I'm going, which is good!
Mike