Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Chapter 2 Part One"Can love survive small town gossip?
71 total reviews
Comment from R. K. Alan
I enjoyed the read and particularly liked the way you wove the dialog and narrative; it worked well to keep the story going without getting in the way.
I am struggling a bit with that and hope to gain some tips from reading others dialog style. I'll be back for more.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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I enjoyed the read and particularly liked the way you wove the dialog and narrative; it worked well to keep the story going without getting in the way.
I am struggling a bit with that and hope to gain some tips from reading others dialog style. I'll be back for more.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. If you have any questions, I will be glad to offer what assistance I can.
Comment from bowls
I really enjoyed this chapter. You've used it to develop the characters quite nicely. As Sara is learning about Joe, so are we, the readers. You supply this information in a casual manner as part of the conversation between the two characters so the reader doesn't feel as if he's being bombarded with background information. I look forward to the next chapter and the budding romance (I hope!)
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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I really enjoyed this chapter. You've used it to develop the characters quite nicely. As Sara is learning about Joe, so are we, the readers. You supply this information in a casual manner as part of the conversation between the two characters so the reader doesn't feel as if he's being bombarded with background information. I look forward to the next chapter and the budding romance (I hope!)
Comment Written 04-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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Yes, it is a budding romance, but danger awaits. Thank you for your kind review.
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Oh no! When is the next chapter being posted?
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Tomorrow at the latest, but maybe tonight. I am still building characters, these characters are complicated. I have to have all that firm before the I tear them down.
Comment from patmedium
WONDERFUL ... you painted that woman's nasty small-mindedness perfectly. This is, as usual, still holding me firmly fixed to my chair and following!
By the way... what happened to all the swooning etc of a good old romance? LOL.
xxx
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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WONDERFUL ... you painted that woman's nasty small-mindedness perfectly. This is, as usual, still holding me firmly fixed to my chair and following!
By the way... what happened to all the swooning etc of a good old romance? LOL.
xxx
Comment Written 04-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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There will be some romance, but it has it's place. We aren't ready for it, yet. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from afternoonlight
The story moved along well as usual, I always enjoy reading you and looking forward to chapthers. I cringed at the spot where the lady came right out and said... I would think you could find a better date than her... Even in a small town unless it was a younger girl, I think the dig may have been cloaked more cleverly...but, not sure. Smiles.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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The story moved along well as usual, I always enjoy reading you and looking forward to chapthers. I cringed at the spot where the lady came right out and said... I would think you could find a better date than her... Even in a small town unless it was a younger girl, I think the dig may have been cloaked more cleverly...but, not sure. Smiles.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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Some small towns are very verbal and not worried about how they worded it. I was raised in one of them. Thank you for your kind review.
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Yeah I'm from Hugo Oklahoma 3000 residents and I agree with you...just a perception at that spot that poked at me.
Comment from fionageorge
I really enjoyed this chapter, and especially the warmth and respect that seems to be building between Sara and Joe. I feel you are building her feelings well, and the questions she asks and he answers, brings her closer to him. Excellent use of dialogue, and great characterisation.
Warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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I really enjoyed this chapter, and especially the warmth and respect that seems to be building between Sara and Joe. I feel you are building her feelings well, and the questions she asks and he answers, brings her closer to him. Excellent use of dialogue, and great characterisation.
Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 04-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Helen Tan
My first review was wiped off so I hope you get this one! Joe is not as narrow minded as the other residents of the town. this might boost Sandy's confidence.
"Let's get out of here."
*****
I don't think a paragraph break is required after this line as there's hardly any transition of time. I would add a line to show the transition of setting - They headed to to the park.
Then continue from this line.
no, I haven't waited for marriage to have sex.
This line sounds a bit odd.
I didn't wait for marriage to have sex/ I didn't wait to get married before having sex.
but...I'm more comfortable
I'm passing this on from Fred C. - remember the space before and after ellipses.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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My first review was wiped off so I hope you get this one! Joe is not as narrow minded as the other residents of the town. this might boost Sandy's confidence.
"Let's get out of here."
*****
I don't think a paragraph break is required after this line as there's hardly any transition of time. I would add a line to show the transition of setting - They headed to to the park.
Then continue from this line.
no, I haven't waited for marriage to have sex.
This line sounds a bit odd.
I didn't wait for marriage to have sex/ I didn't wait to get married before having sex.
but...I'm more comfortable
I'm passing this on from Fred C. - remember the space before and after ellipses.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from E.P. Thomas
An interesting piece of writing, written in an easy and understable style says a great deal about your talents. Good character development, very interesting, and dialogue that sounds natural, but which moves along the story line very effectively
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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An interesting piece of writing, written in an easy and understable style says a great deal about your talents. Good character development, very interesting, and dialogue that sounds natural, but which moves along the story line very effectively
Comment Written 04-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from L.A.Tripp
Well, I must say well done on this passage. I haven't read what was before this, but this one is very interesting and it seems your fleshing the characters out. Well done with it.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2010
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Well, I must say well done on this passage. I haven't read what was before this, but this one is very interesting and it seems your fleshing the characters out. Well done with it.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good storyline, i enjoyed reading this and thinking about the mistakes i almost made at times. great job on this story
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good storyline, i enjoyed reading this and thinking about the mistakes i almost made at times. great job on this story
Comment Written 03-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
In several aspects, Barbara, I think you deal with realistic society. Though your characters are not slobs or from the slums, Sara has an experience that is common with a lower class. Her premarital sex was just more candid, not hypocritical.
Joe is more sophisticated and middle class, having attended West Point. But I think your choice of these two for a romance writing is good.
Characterization stands out largely because you have depicted the foe, the smug, self righteous who condemn Sara for her mistake.
Sara's worth and quality as a consciousness mother is revealed in that she shuns dates who may be a bad influence on Caddy.
Good writing, barbara wilkey. I found only a minor spag, and feel guilty for even mentioning it: "...once in while..." Apparently you left out the article "a".
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2010
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In several aspects, Barbara, I think you deal with realistic society. Though your characters are not slobs or from the slums, Sara has an experience that is common with a lower class. Her premarital sex was just more candid, not hypocritical.
Joe is more sophisticated and middle class, having attended West Point. But I think your choice of these two for a romance writing is good.
Characterization stands out largely because you have depicted the foe, the smug, self righteous who condemn Sara for her mistake.
Sara's worth and quality as a consciousness mother is revealed in that she shuns dates who may be a bad influence on Caddy.
Good writing, barbara wilkey. I found only a minor spag, and feel guilty for even mentioning it: "...once in while..." Apparently you left out the article "a".
Comment Written 03-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2010
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Thank you for catching it. I hate those mistakes. I appreciate your review.