Makin' Your Mama Cry
Always play to win26 total reviews
Comment from Cooper Watt
Nicely done, author. You effortlessly crafted a tangible scene, something I could easily envision. Well done. It's amazing how different the directions have been with this prompt. Good job, and good luck! Coop.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Nicely done, author. You effortlessly crafted a tangible scene, something I could easily envision. Well done. It's amazing how different the directions have been with this prompt. Good job, and good luck! Coop.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Coop, thanks for stopping to read and review.
Comment from LumchuckHickle
This is well written prose. The sentences are clear and crisp, and you establish a sense of place and some dramatic tension. My reservation is that this is not really a story. I realize it is very hard to construct a story, something that has a plot, a climax, and a resolution in just a few words, but that is what makes this contest so challenging. Yours is a very good try though. Good luck in the contest.
A grammar note: The word "theirs" is not normally spelled with an apostrophe as you have done.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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This is well written prose. The sentences are clear and crisp, and you establish a sense of place and some dramatic tension. My reservation is that this is not really a story. I realize it is very hard to construct a story, something that has a plot, a climax, and a resolution in just a few words, but that is what makes this contest so challenging. Yours is a very good try though. Good luck in the contest.
A grammar note: The word "theirs" is not normally spelled with an apostrophe as you have done.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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hank you for reading and commenting Lum....
Comment from Realist101
Hi there! I love this picture, at first I thought, what is the dog for?? But he has a football on his head! Hilarious. And cute. Great message of encouragment to kids who play sports of all kinds! Good luck, this is really good!! ") Susan
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Hi there! I love this picture, at first I thought, what is the dog for?? But he has a football on his head! Hilarious. And cute. Great message of encouragment to kids who play sports of all kinds! Good luck, this is really good!! ") Susan
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Susan, I also love the picture, dogs just crack me up. Thank you for reading my story and the well wishes.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with a spirit of sportsmanship that shows win or lose, they are still a winner. you need to leave the apostrophe out of mamas and make it mamas. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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this is very well written with a spirit of sportsmanship that shows win or lose, they are still a winner. you need to leave the apostrophe out of mamas and make it mamas. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you sweetwoodjax for reading and the fine commentary. I was in the middle of correcting the "mamas" when you posted the review. Thanks again.
Comment from IndianaIrish
OMG!!! I LOVE that dog with the BB head...made me laugh out loud! Great story about a coach and his pep talk to the team. I love the title and the line about bringing the state championship home and makin' your mama cry...great line. Just one thing...sticks is present tense and you want the narration part to be like the rest of the story...past tense...so stuck or extended or something like that. Great story and I wish you best of luck with your smooth entry.
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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OMG!!! I LOVE that dog with the BB head...made me laugh out loud! Great story about a coach and his pep talk to the team. I love the title and the line about bringing the state championship home and makin' your mama cry...great line. Just one thing...sticks is present tense and you want the narration part to be like the rest of the story...past tense...so stuck or extended or something like that. Great story and I wish you best of luck with your smooth entry.
Indy :>)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Indy, Spud, Girleen.... I would not be half the writer I am without your assistance. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my story. You know I appreciate it mucho!!
Comment from marcii
A good story which contained all the words needed.
It flowed well throughout and I thought you made me feel that I was their listening t the coach.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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A good story which contained all the words needed.
It flowed well throughout and I thought you made me feel that I was their listening t the coach.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you marcii for reading and commenting. I appreciate it very much.
Comment from whitteron
Cute story. You have a few techincal glitches ...
players straight in the eyes (pl)
mamas (pl) no apostrophe
Good luck
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Cute story. You have a few techincal glitches ...
players straight in the eyes (pl)
mamas (pl) no apostrophe
Good luck
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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thanks for stopping to read and comment...
Comment from azwildrosa
that was a great story, i enjoyed the enthusiasm spilling from this one. make your momma's cry. i thought the title was brilliant as well. each word was used wonderfully leaving again a great story flowing beautifully from beginning to end. thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in the booths.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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that was a great story, i enjoyed the enthusiasm spilling from this one. make your momma's cry. i thought the title was brilliant as well. each word was used wonderfully leaving again a great story flowing beautifully from beginning to end. thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in the booths.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you az for reading and the fine comments and well wishes.
Comment from m-alexander
Great work bringing those words together, I barely even noticed them, so they blended well. Small comment: he said(comma) looking his....
Good luck on the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Great work bringing those words together, I barely even noticed them, so they blended well. Small comment: he said(comma) looking his....
Good luck on the contest!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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M- thanks for the minor correction, took care of it before I responded back to you. Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.
Comment from Nana2four
This is so fun! I was nervous about entering this contest, because I thought the words were so bleak, sad, or dark. Then I read your writting and lol! Great writing!
And you encouraged me to look outside the box of words and make them work for whatever I write ~ Thank you :)
The picture, well, just perfect for this writing!
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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This is so fun! I was nervous about entering this contest, because I thought the words were so bleak, sad, or dark. Then I read your writting and lol! Great writing!
And you encouraged me to look outside the box of words and make them work for whatever I write ~ Thank you :)
The picture, well, just perfect for this writing!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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nana... I to am reluctant to enter contests for any number of reasons. Non of which really have any credibility. So you, as I, must trudge forward! Thanks for reading, commenting and hopefully gave you a little nudge.