Wooden Leg
what I remember38 total reviews
Comment from sasil
Great imagery and childs-eye POV. Your recollection is well-written and filled with only the basic, neccesary details. Nicely done!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
  |
Great imagery and childs-eye POV. Your recollection is well-written and filled with only the basic, neccesary details. Nicely done!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Thank you, sasil. I hope you enjoyed the read. X
Comment from mermaids
This story is definately a six star story. The subject is so different and you held my interest here. I like the viewpoint from a four year old. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
 |
This story is definately a six star story. The subject is so different and you held my interest here. I like the viewpoint from a four year old. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Mermaids, I thank you so much for your generous galaxy. You made my day. X
Comment from iamwrite
What a fabulous story! The child's POV is right on. I really liked some of your descriptive phrases:
With a tut on her lips and a dish-water grip on my wrist she'd lead me away, my head swiveled back toward the irresistible allure of the hanging leg.
Also:
It was a scary leg hanging on a hook next to oily over-alls and a pair of frayed suspenders.
The poignant ending with a sprinkle of humor was perfect.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
|
What a fabulous story! The child's POV is right on. I really liked some of your descriptive phrases:
With a tut on her lips and a dish-water grip on my wrist she'd lead me away, my head swiveled back toward the irresistible allure of the hanging leg.
Also:
It was a scary leg hanging on a hook next to oily over-alls and a pair of frayed suspenders.
The poignant ending with a sprinkle of humor was perfect.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Thank you iamwrite, I really like the passages you picked.
My thanks. X
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Author, this is unique. I can imagine the curiosity of a four year old, and the innocence that he (you) did not even know that the grandpa was not whole ...
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
|
Hi, Author, this is unique. I can imagine the curiosity of a four year old, and the innocence that he (you) did not even know that the grandpa was not whole ...
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Thank you, Belinda. I hope you enjoyed the read. X
Comment from Mustang Patty
Dear Author; This is a very moving piece and reminds us that there are so many things we were unaware of when we were young. We simply accepted them for what we knew at the time. New information can marr the memories a bit, but we still remember grandparents and those that were only in the very start of our lives the way we perceived them then. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt memory. ~patty~
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
|
Dear Author; This is a very moving piece and reminds us that there are so many things we were unaware of when we were young. We simply accepted them for what we knew at the time. New information can marr the memories a bit, but we still remember grandparents and those that were only in the very start of our lives the way we perceived them then. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt memory. ~patty~
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Thank you, patty. You sensed what I was going for. I appreciate it sincerely. X
Comment from juliaSjames
Your memory is fascinating. It's incredible how clearly a child can recall something that made a powerful impact on his mind at a young age.
The writing is good, although at times you wander off the track of memory into the rough of dramatic enhancement.
If I had to edit, I would delete "It must have been a spare because" and start the sentence with "He kept it hanging..."
And I would change "extra leg" to "spare leg" to bring it into line with the final sentence of the write.
I would take out "of the steep and disintegrating" and add some more to the shrieking admonition, for example - "You could fall down those steep old dangerous steps and land on your head."
Suggest, "and a firm grip on my wrist with a dish-water roughened hand"
All for your consideration.
Best of luck in the prompt.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
|
Your memory is fascinating. It's incredible how clearly a child can recall something that made a powerful impact on his mind at a young age.
The writing is good, although at times you wander off the track of memory into the rough of dramatic enhancement.
If I had to edit, I would delete "It must have been a spare because" and start the sentence with "He kept it hanging..."
And I would change "extra leg" to "spare leg" to bring it into line with the final sentence of the write.
I would take out "of the steep and disintegrating" and add some more to the shrieking admonition, for example - "You could fall down those steep old dangerous steps and land on your head."
Suggest, "and a firm grip on my wrist with a dish-water roughened hand"
All for your consideration.
Best of luck in the prompt.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Thank you. I appreciate your suggestions and will consider them.
X
Comment from Yeti777
Great story telling in this piece. You've managed to keep a nice sentence structure while keeping a solid brevity in your lines. This allows the reader's mind and eyes to breath with the piece making this an enjoyable read. Sean
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
|
Great story telling in this piece. You've managed to keep a nice sentence structure while keeping a solid brevity in your lines. This allows the reader's mind and eyes to breath with the piece making this an enjoyable read. Sean
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Thank you, Sean. I had hoped someone would understand my child-like pacing. Thanks for mentioning it. X
Comment from Veekz
What an emotional experience that must have been, especially as being so young. You line about standing there chewing on the sleeve of your pajamas is such a visual one and heartbreaking to picture.
Well worded and definitely a strong contender in the contest - all the best in it!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
|
What an emotional experience that must have been, especially as being so young. You line about standing there chewing on the sleeve of your pajamas is such a visual one and heartbreaking to picture.
Well worded and definitely a strong contender in the contest - all the best in it!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Thank you, Veekz. This was an emotional write. The contest just started me thinking. I guess that is why they call them prompts. I'm pleased that you enjoyed, X
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story about your grandfather's wooden leg, i like how you wrote up about him being buried with his favorite leg, you kept the other
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
|
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story about your grandfather's wooden leg, i like how you wrote up about him being buried with his favorite leg, you kept the other
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Thank you Sweetie, for your generous review and stars. X
Comment from adewpearl
Great opening line - you drew me right in.
I have this fantastic visual of a little boy sneaking peeks at the leg behind the forbidden door. LOL
my grandfather, who was lying - add comma
What a poignant ending - I am a firm believer that stories need their very best lines at the start and end - I see you share my belief :-) This is a terrific entry in this contest! Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
|
Great opening line - you drew me right in.
I have this fantastic visual of a little boy sneaking peeks at the leg behind the forbidden door. LOL
my grandfather, who was lying - add comma
What a poignant ending - I am a firm believer that stories need their very best lines at the start and end - I see you share my belief :-) This is a terrific entry in this contest! Brooke
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2011
-
Thank you so much, Brooke. You know, I always leave a comma out just to give you purpose---and you always find it (kidding).
And yes, Brooke, I agree about the opening and closing lines--bookends. Thank you again, Brooke. X
-
You are too kind :-) LOL