Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Part One of Chapter 1"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
117 total reviews
Comment from GFDRobin
Barbara,
Wow, another marriage on the rocks, but who can blame her. What a jerk of a husband, and it sounds like it isn't his, or if it is, then the baby is unwanted by him. I guess it is a common story, and it's sad to think they were so much in love in the beginning. I believe all our behavioral problems stem from our childhood, obviously he was abused, and or locked in the closet. Still, there's no excuse. Grammatically it looked good, clean and crisp dialogue - kept my attention. One small spag: she returned it, then rushed from the building, needs capital S.
I shall return, now that you've wet my appetite for more.
Robin
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2011
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Barbara,
Wow, another marriage on the rocks, but who can blame her. What a jerk of a husband, and it sounds like it isn't his, or if it is, then the baby is unwanted by him. I guess it is a common story, and it's sad to think they were so much in love in the beginning. I believe all our behavioral problems stem from our childhood, obviously he was abused, and or locked in the closet. Still, there's no excuse. Grammatically it looked good, clean and crisp dialogue - kept my attention. One small spag: she returned it, then rushed from the building, needs capital S.
I shall return, now that you've wet my appetite for more.
Robin
Comment Written 26-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2011
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I am so sorry you had to read this when it doesn't have any bonus points attached. I try to post high to reward my reviewers. Thank you for catching that. I am shocked after all the reviews it received nobody caught it.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for posting the first chapter of your new novel sooner than expected. It certainly sets the stage for what this young woman faces. I already feel sympathy for Anna. The dark picture's beckoning light is intriguing as well. -Joan
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for posting the first chapter of your new novel sooner than expected. It certainly sets the stage for what this young woman faces. I already feel sympathy for Anna. The dark picture's beckoning light is intriguing as well. -Joan
Comment Written 23-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
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I've had a very iffy internet connection so far and had hoped the next hotel's wi-fi would be better. In Glacier National Park there are very few connections at all. See you when I can! Keep making good progress- Joan
Comment from Laidy
This is my new "go to book". I am in total connection with anna. I am in a similar situation... This was an amazing 1st chapter. Not too much and deff not too little going on here. Loved it and cant wait to read what happens with troy
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2011
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This is my new "go to book". I am in total connection with anna. I am in a similar situation... This was an amazing 1st chapter. Not too much and deff not too little going on here. Loved it and cant wait to read what happens with troy
Comment Written 13-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2011
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I will pray for your situation. Thankyou for the kind review.
Comment from missyvamp
You were right about the star rating...this needed no revisions and was enjoyable, meeting the standards of the five star rating. But I don't know which chapter of this I erroneously rated, or if what I rated was a different novel. Please tell me the name of it so I can change it. thanks!
reply by the author on 28-May-2011
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You were right about the star rating...this needed no revisions and was enjoyable, meeting the standards of the five star rating. But I don't know which chapter of this I erroneously rated, or if what I rated was a different novel. Please tell me the name of it so I can change it. thanks!
Comment Written 28-May-2011
reply by the author on 28-May-2011
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It was in this novel and it was the last chapter I posted. I don't know the number because I number different than FS. It was chapter 4 part three, I think. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from writerwish
This is a very good beginning. I have not only been in an abusive relationship, but have counseled others too, as I am a social worker. This is totally believable. I found just a few changes to make.
his own demons instead of own demons.
Capital S in She returned it. (the wave)
reply by the author on 07-May-2011
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This is a very good beginning. I have not only been in an abusive relationship, but have counseled others too, as I am a social worker. This is totally believable. I found just a few changes to make.
his own demons instead of own demons.
Capital S in She returned it. (the wave)
Comment Written 06-May-2011
reply by the author on 07-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. One reviewer thougth Anna needed to be deranged to allow this to happen to her and wanted me to write that in the story. I wanted it to be realistic.
Comment from ulster3
Hello barbara...
Sorry I couldn't get to this right away. I'm such a slow reader and typist, as I think I mentioned before. I loved this part from the beginning. As I'm not tall I thought it very amusing when she fell into the man's lap and could not get onto the floor. This may turn out to be a fortuitous meeting. her husband is just too ignorant! Thanks for an engrossing read barbara.
Hugs 'n fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2011
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Hello barbara...
Sorry I couldn't get to this right away. I'm such a slow reader and typist, as I think I mentioned before. I loved this part from the beginning. As I'm not tall I thought it very amusing when she fell into the man's lap and could not get onto the floor. This may turn out to be a fortuitous meeting. her husband is just too ignorant! Thanks for an engrossing read barbara.
Hugs 'n fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 28-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. I am not tall either and my men folks all tower over me.
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LOL.
Comment from yestyn
Great story I read a chapter and went back to the first one as I would like to read all this authors work this story happens to a lot of women and you see it all the way this story is told.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2011
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Great story I read a chapter and went back to the first one as I would like to read all this authors work this story happens to a lot of women and you see it all the way this story is told.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. Sorry you couldn't read it with the bonus points.
Comment from Des Beirne
I'm so glad I bothered to come back to the start, It's a wonderful read.
The subject matter is close to my heart, as I've been put into positions of having to aid a couple of female friends enduring this.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2011
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I'm so glad I bothered to come back to the start, It's a wonderful read.
The subject matter is close to my heart, as I've been put into positions of having to aid a couple of female friends enduring this.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and insight.
Comment from Moonlith
I enjoyed reading this first chapter as much as I did the last one I reviewed. I was so moved by this story. The conflict in your story tells without question that the action and suspense flow works well. I can feel the fear being felt by your character Anna. The uncertainty in your suspense only builds my desire to read on to see if the conflict gets resolved. Your suspense also keeps me guessing and makes me contemplate as to what I would do in the protagonist's shoes. And the action in your story is direct and immediate and it makes my heart throb and the suspense makes it quiver. If your readers are like me, they will hope for a payoff down the line that will be a win-win for Anna, Michael, and the reader. But not all things have a happy ending. Great beginning.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
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I enjoyed reading this first chapter as much as I did the last one I reviewed. I was so moved by this story. The conflict in your story tells without question that the action and suspense flow works well. I can feel the fear being felt by your character Anna. The uncertainty in your suspense only builds my desire to read on to see if the conflict gets resolved. Your suspense also keeps me guessing and makes me contemplate as to what I would do in the protagonist's shoes. And the action in your story is direct and immediate and it makes my heart throb and the suspense makes it quiver. If your readers are like me, they will hope for a payoff down the line that will be a win-win for Anna, Michael, and the reader. But not all things have a happy ending. Great beginning.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2011
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I am sorry you had to read this without the bonus dollars. Thank you for the kind review and the support.
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You are welcome and I don't know what the bonus dollars are.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
["Sorry, but I'll need to touch you as I lift you to the floor." He gripped her waist, then helped her until her feet touched the floor.] - you use the word floor twice.
["Anna Rodgers, I'm sorry. I should watch where I'm walking. --I hope I didn't hurt you."--] - The last part of this sentence sounds false. It's obvious she didn't hurt him, he's a big man and she's a tiny little thing. It would sound more natural if she admitted to feeling embarrassed or something.
["You'd better hurry. I'm starving.] - This sounds like threat, when really he's just having a moan. It might sound more natural something along the lines of: [Well hurry up. I'm starving.]
["I'm going out. Dinner better be done, before I return." Bobby slammed the door on his way out.] - same here. He's making idle threats as it's obvious the dinner will be ready, the chicken's already in the fryer. You also use the word 'out' twice.
[After deep breaths and wiping tears streaming down her cheeks,] - she seems overly upset here, when nothing has really happened. If she lives with a violent man her tolerance level would be higher than someone who doesn't and this would seem like a minor incident.
[He's drunk again.] - From here on the pace really picks up. I felt the tension and there's nothing worse than being hauled out of your bed in the early hours of the morning to make food- and other things, thank god for Michael lol x
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2011
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["Sorry, but I'll need to touch you as I lift you to the floor." He gripped her waist, then helped her until her feet touched the floor.] - you use the word floor twice.
["Anna Rodgers, I'm sorry. I should watch where I'm walking. --I hope I didn't hurt you."--] - The last part of this sentence sounds false. It's obvious she didn't hurt him, he's a big man and she's a tiny little thing. It would sound more natural if she admitted to feeling embarrassed or something.
["You'd better hurry. I'm starving.] - This sounds like threat, when really he's just having a moan. It might sound more natural something along the lines of: [Well hurry up. I'm starving.]
["I'm going out. Dinner better be done, before I return." Bobby slammed the door on his way out.] - same here. He's making idle threats as it's obvious the dinner will be ready, the chicken's already in the fryer. You also use the word 'out' twice.
[After deep breaths and wiping tears streaming down her cheeks,] - she seems overly upset here, when nothing has really happened. If she lives with a violent man her tolerance level would be higher than someone who doesn't and this would seem like a minor incident.
[He's drunk again.] - From here on the pace really picks up. I felt the tension and there's nothing worse than being hauled out of your bed in the early hours of the morning to make food- and other things, thank god for Michael lol x
Comment Written 22-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2011
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I waited until I could get on my PC to make a hard copy of the corrections so I don't miss anything. Thank you.