Pain
This is reality42 total reviews
Comment from catranis
Powerful stuff. Every part was realistic and the mental dialog seemed quite natural. I thought you did a great job of hiding the gender of the main character until the bitter painful ending.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Powerful stuff. Every part was realistic and the mental dialog seemed quite natural. I thought you did a great job of hiding the gender of the main character until the bitter painful ending.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Thank you Catranis! I appreciate this very much. Your kind words encourage and help me see that it's okay to write about something that however awful, is a part of our world....Susan
Comment from robina1978
Don't know the song, but the photo is well chosen.
Your Flashfiction had to be written-know why. Is so close to reality of many and yours in a way.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Don't know the song, but the photo is well chosen.
Your Flashfiction had to be written-know why. Is so close to reality of many and yours in a way.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2011
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Hi Ine! Thank you very much!! I do appreciate your bravery in reading this one. I had to express this...there is much in the world that we need to face. Just wish I could somehow help people, especially kids, who get themselves in messes. I have been homeless too, tho not a prostitute and it's just awful...we can bail out wallstreet, but not the homeless and helpless. SO wrong! So, thanks again Ine!! xoxo, susan
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Yes terribly wrong as a lot is and always has been. Take care Susan; you are in the lift up now.
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Thank you Ine...I hope so. I need a break from the bad around me. xoxo, susan
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Can imagine you do hon. Take care Susan.
Comment from the blue pixel
That you had the courage to write this story is a testament to your inner strength. That song has brought out some shocking emotions from deep within you Susan. The fact that you were able to project yourself onto a character in such a powerful way through associations from a song, tells me so much. The fact that you kept it so brief gave your story more punch and impact than it already had. It is perhaps the bravest piece of writing I have ever read from anyone and I absolutely serious about this. It is nothing for you to feel ashamed of. You know I am no stranger to suicide, not from within myself but through living with a man possessed by such deep despair that he took his own life so I understand as much as I can. The story is brutal and important and it very sadly tells the story of many. I was sexually abused by the man of whom I speak and you took me back to that time which is alright because I know I am not there anymore and will never be again. That you can tell it and find it within a song, saddens me for I can't imagine what demons directed your writing hand my friend but I sincerely hope that you have flung a good part of it out your system. Amazing writing Susan. xx Carol
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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That you had the courage to write this story is a testament to your inner strength. That song has brought out some shocking emotions from deep within you Susan. The fact that you were able to project yourself onto a character in such a powerful way through associations from a song, tells me so much. The fact that you kept it so brief gave your story more punch and impact than it already had. It is perhaps the bravest piece of writing I have ever read from anyone and I absolutely serious about this. It is nothing for you to feel ashamed of. You know I am no stranger to suicide, not from within myself but through living with a man possessed by such deep despair that he took his own life so I understand as much as I can. The story is brutal and important and it very sadly tells the story of many. I was sexually abused by the man of whom I speak and you took me back to that time which is alright because I know I am not there anymore and will never be again. That you can tell it and find it within a song, saddens me for I can't imagine what demons directed your writing hand my friend but I sincerely hope that you have flung a good part of it out your system. Amazing writing Susan. xx Carol
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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Oh Carol. Thanks. I wish I could just be without pain. I see others, or imagine others like a child trying to survive in a city, with no family or friends...real friends, and I am crushed inside. I wish I could save the world...but a superhero I'm not. Thank you again Miss Pixie...love, susan
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My ONLY friends are on this site Susan and that's sounds pathetic but it's true (I do have a good relationship with just my older sister though and I worked hard on this as did she). When I left my first husband he went to all of them and told his imake believe story and not one of them stuck with me in fact, they never bothered with me again and no, none of us are superheroes and guess what, no one but you, I suspect, expects you to be one. xx Miss Pixie. lol
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THIS sounds like what has happened to me. What it is, the GUILTY run out and do PR quick fast and in a hurry to smear you before you can even defend yourself. Disgusting. I hate human nature sometimes. xx...s.
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There is a lot NOT to like about human nature but not everyone displays the worst of what we all can be so I have some hope. xx Carol
Comment from sailaway7289
This poem made bile rise up in my throat. Very realistic and graphic. It makes me sick that there are children out there suffering from this sort of thing. Good job writing it.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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This poem made bile rise up in my throat. Very realistic and graphic. It makes me sick that there are children out there suffering from this sort of thing. Good job writing it.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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Oh, I'm sorry. I know it's a difficult subject...so all the more, do I appreciate your kind review and your bravery in reading. Thank you...Susan
Comment from patsolstad
This is a slice of reality for, perhaps, more people than we can even imagine. Such shame. Such pain. The way you treat the twenty dollar bill is interesting--at first, the narrator grabs for it so the wind can't have it; then the narrator holds it up for the wind to carry away. I LOVE the last sentence: "And I cut myself good-bye." Excellent work.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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This is a slice of reality for, perhaps, more people than we can even imagine. Such shame. Such pain. The way you treat the twenty dollar bill is interesting--at first, the narrator grabs for it so the wind can't have it; then the narrator holds it up for the wind to carry away. I LOVE the last sentence: "And I cut myself good-bye." Excellent work.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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Yes, more than we know. Kids, women...men. SO many lost souls...and it only gets worse, the more people who are in the world. It gets to me. Thank you for a really wonderful review...Susan
Comment from Rama Rao
I can't imagine you writing this morbid piece. There may be some people suffering in this way, but why bring them to public domain?
You should be writing about horses, which is your favorite subject. Although I hated reading every word of this piece, I didn't downgrade it.
You used words whore and mother's son. It makes me wonder whether the character is a man or a woman.
Please don't write such stuff in future. It doesn't help your growth as a writer.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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I can't imagine you writing this morbid piece. There may be some people suffering in this way, but why bring them to public domain?
You should be writing about horses, which is your favorite subject. Although I hated reading every word of this piece, I didn't downgrade it.
You used words whore and mother's son. It makes me wonder whether the character is a man or a woman.
Please don't write such stuff in future. It doesn't help your growth as a writer.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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Hello Ramarao...I am sorry to disappoint you...yes, I love to write about horses, nature, funny, odd old ladies too. But, my friend...this story reflects real people...real tragedy. I have lived a life of sadness and torment and there are times I have to face the ugly in the world. This story was meant to illustrate the dark that must be, so that the light is even brighter. I do appreciate your review tho. I always do. Susan
Comment from Kaine Darcwater
Whoa! Now this was a read that lives up to its boast of having the highest levels of violence, language and sexual content. I have never been so flattened and repulsed by such a piece. It was very disturbing. Even more shocking is that you are a woman. I pray that this is just fiction. It was good, don't get me wrong. Just very shocking. Kudos. ;)
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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Whoa! Now this was a read that lives up to its boast of having the highest levels of violence, language and sexual content. I have never been so flattened and repulsed by such a piece. It was very disturbing. Even more shocking is that you are a woman. I pray that this is just fiction. It was good, don't get me wrong. Just very shocking. Kudos. ;)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2011
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Dear Bryan... It was inspired by a song I heard...and for some reason, I had to illustrate the dark I heard in it...I had an abusive relationship once...and sometimes that pain surfaces. I am very grateful that you took time to read and review this. Tho sorry to disturb...Thank you again Bryan. Always remember, life is cruel at times and some people don't have 'beautiful lives'...Susan
Comment from The Stranger
I found this to be very graphical and would strongly suggest that you place it as an over 18 warning, that said, it was an excllent delve into the world of prostition
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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I found this to be very graphical and would strongly suggest that you place it as an over 18 warning, that said, it was an excllent delve into the world of prostition
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Thank you Stranger! I did click on the fours several hours ago? So I contacted Tom or ? whoever, just now to help...I'm sorry...and I do appreciate your telling me this wasn't covered. And a very sincere thank you for reading it and reviewing it too ... Susan
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Susan. What a sad, sad story of a runaway and the cruel big city. If only the young boy would go home and start anew. "I cut myself goodbye" is a pathetic ending.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Hi, Susan. What a sad, sad story of a runaway and the cruel big city. If only the young boy would go home and start anew. "I cut myself goodbye" is a pathetic ending.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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Hi Belinda...Yes, and I listened to the song that provoked this and think of the parents. A kid takes off never to be heard from again. HOW awful, the never knowing. I had to write about it to get it off my mind, at least for a while. There are just too many kids in the U.S. and I'm sure around the world, who need help. So sad...and thank you so much for being brave and reading this...love, susan
Comment from cercie
The pain in this story is something that is known by far too many young people every where in the world. Anyone who treats another human like this needs to meet God's rath.
Cercie
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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The pain in this story is something that is known by far too many young people every where in the world. Anyone who treats another human like this needs to meet God's rath.
Cercie
Comment Written 12-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2011
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HI Cercie! Thank you and I agree. IF only. IF only, kids would listen to their folks. Our world is so beautiful...but there is that underbelly, that is just a nightmare. So sad...thank you again Cercie...Susan