Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 62 "part one, Chapter 19"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
78 total reviews
Comment from Jen Gentry
I am still hanging on the edge of my seat here, the action is raw and unsettling just as it should be with the great tension you would expect in this type of situation standing out well throughout the chapter. Looks great to me.
Jenny
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
  |
I am still hanging on the edge of my seat here, the action is raw and unsettling just as it should be with the great tension you would expect in this type of situation standing out well throughout the chapter. Looks great to me.
Jenny
Comment Written 18-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Anisa-
Well, I'm guessing PI-Dude shot the guy ... Lol.
Anyways, another good chapter here. High-action, tense, fast paced.
One nit - The dialogue for Bobby seems a little stiff in this one. Maybe a little cliche for that type of character. "Slut" and "Bitch" seemed to be the only names he threw and it just seems he might be a tad darker than that.
Otherwise, good job. Looking forward to the next.
Anisa
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
|
Well, I'm guessing PI-Dude shot the guy ... Lol.
Anyways, another good chapter here. High-action, tense, fast paced.
One nit - The dialogue for Bobby seems a little stiff in this one. Maybe a little cliche for that type of character. "Slut" and "Bitch" seemed to be the only names he threw and it just seems he might be a tad darker than that.
Otherwise, good job. Looking forward to the next.
Anisa
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review. I will look into your suggestion.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent climax. I can't wait to read about Bobby's final end. I suppose one of the cops will put a slug in him. I can see it coming. He deserves it.
Your book is an excellent portrayal of domestic violence and abuse of women. I can't believe such things happen in the USA, but it takes all kinds of people to make this world.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
|
Excellent climax. I can't wait to read about Bobby's final end. I suppose one of the cops will put a slug in him. I can see it coming. He deserves it.
Your book is an excellent portrayal of domestic violence and abuse of women. I can't believe such things happen in the USA, but it takes all kinds of people to make this world.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dthomas6985
This sounds like a very abusive situation, and I feel for whoever is involved or was involved with this. I appreciated reading your story, and I felt the pain. And I appreciate you sharing. Much Blessings.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
|
This sounds like a very abusive situation, and I feel for whoever is involved or was involved with this. I appreciated reading your story, and I felt the pain. And I appreciate you sharing. Much Blessings.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barb. How are you feeling these days? I hope things are getting better. You certainly have a lot of action going on in this one. It doesn't get much more serious than when a swat team is involved. I have one suggestion. I learned a long time ago and that is this. If you are going to use onomatopoeia (sounds) you must make them as realistic as is possible or don't use them at all. Example I refer to:
"Anna grabbed a lamp and hit Bobby over the head. Crash! She ran toward the door. "Help!"
(Crash is not authentic...perhaps this change would make it so, however:
"Craaaash! (See what I mean?)
Good write for sure though Barb. Take care. Bob
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
|
Hi, Barb. How are you feeling these days? I hope things are getting better. You certainly have a lot of action going on in this one. It doesn't get much more serious than when a swat team is involved. I have one suggestion. I learned a long time ago and that is this. If you are going to use onomatopoeia (sounds) you must make them as realistic as is possible or don't use them at all. Example I refer to:
"Anna grabbed a lamp and hit Bobby over the head. Crash! She ran toward the door. "Help!"
(Crash is not authentic...perhaps this change would make it so, however:
"Craaaash! (See what I mean?)
Good write for sure though Barb. Take care. Bob
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
-
I was wondering about that when I wrote it, but wasn't sure how to do it. Thank you for your help.
Comment from whispersofthesoul
hiya,
firstly i am really pleased you haove gave out the national domestic violence hotline out it is so important, going by statistics there 'are' people on this site who would benefit from it. i have so many feelings about this chapters content, should abusers be pitied, helped, locked up, placed in a perperated hostels, programmes the list is endless. writing this on some level must be hard
the suspense from the previous chapter has lived up to its expectations. from one chapter to the next the style in various forms did not change.
right the chapter: this is an excellent chapter very strong, powerful and very emotive chapter making it hard read in parts.
your writing style is very perticular and strong. the strength of your characters is exceptional and their dialogue is realistic.
the chapter is gripping from the start and your attention to detail is great creating an action packed and very tense drama.
the content is very powerful and pulls at the heart strings
i think you have the length of the chapter just write and the crafting to get the content to fit is spot on. its definetly a talent of knowing when to stop.
there were one or two spags, no ones perfect and writing on a scale of this size they are bound to pop up here and there, we are only human
good job
enjoyed xx
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
|
hiya,
firstly i am really pleased you haove gave out the national domestic violence hotline out it is so important, going by statistics there 'are' people on this site who would benefit from it. i have so many feelings about this chapters content, should abusers be pitied, helped, locked up, placed in a perperated hostels, programmes the list is endless. writing this on some level must be hard
the suspense from the previous chapter has lived up to its expectations. from one chapter to the next the style in various forms did not change.
right the chapter: this is an excellent chapter very strong, powerful and very emotive chapter making it hard read in parts.
your writing style is very perticular and strong. the strength of your characters is exceptional and their dialogue is realistic.
the chapter is gripping from the start and your attention to detail is great creating an action packed and very tense drama.
the content is very powerful and pulls at the heart strings
i think you have the length of the chapter just write and the crafting to get the content to fit is spot on. its definetly a talent of knowing when to stop.
there were one or two spags, no ones perfect and writing on a scale of this size they are bound to pop up here and there, we are only human
good job
enjoyed xx
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review and eagle eye.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What an action-full chapter, Barbara.
We have the entertainment."
what a callous thing for him to say in the circumstances, but he is an ignorant beast, putting it mildly.
muffled sounds(,) then
Where('s) the knives at?"
I hope he dropped dead.
Margaret
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
|
What an action-full chapter, Barbara.
We have the entertainment."
what a callous thing for him to say in the circumstances, but he is an ignorant beast, putting it mildly.
muffled sounds(,) then
Where('s) the knives at?"
I hope he dropped dead.
Margaret
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.ii
Comment from mauial
Abusers are losers and it is so sad that their are not enough laws to punish them before it escalates to the point in this story. Read about these situations so much in the paper and it makes me sick.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
|
Abusers are losers and it is so sad that their are not enough laws to punish them before it escalates to the point in this story. Read about these situations so much in the paper and it makes me sick.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
I'm guessing this is the first time Anna's ever fought back. Since i assume Bobby's now dead, it's good that she'll be able to take that away with her - that in the end she fought back. Well done, Barbara. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
|
I'm guessing this is the first time Anna's ever fought back. Since i assume Bobby's now dead, it's good that she'll be able to take that away with her - that in the end she fought back. Well done, Barbara. :) Nancy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from squid152
Quite the exciting story you have here. I was hard for me to read about Anna being so abused. But I can see your motivation having been abused myself.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
|
Quite the exciting story you have here. I was hard for me to read about Anna being so abused. But I can see your motivation having been abused myself.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.