Comment from Ekim777

Excellent

I enjoyed your phrases but I was disturbed by your rhythm Every third line jolted me; being over extended, it should be easy to rectify. I liked some of your verse. Your first and second verse were particularly nifty and a couple of verse were just plain cryptic. This is the danger of too many abstracts. You can't go wrong with plain, old visual images. Am I imagining it or is your last verse out of sinc with the rest. I like a regular sense of melody in my poetry. In poetry, need I tell you, it's not what you say, but the way you say it. If you think I'm being too fastidious, try reading your poem aloud. With respect -Ekim777

 Comment Written 26-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012

Thanks, Ekim. I respect your thoughts on this, and I knew the structure (three-line stanzas of iambic tetrameter, trimeter, and pentameter respectively, replete with enjambment and internal rhyme) wouldn't be to everyone's taste. It reads well to me, but then I know where I intend stresses and pauses. Having said that, I don't think all poetry needs to be read aloud - sometimes it's meant for mental consumption (in my case, occasionally totally mental!) ;-).

Mike

Comment from TammyGail

Excellent

This was such a deep poem Mike
very well written and expressed
Compelling and thought provoking
Thanks for the read, always a pleasure

 Comment Written 26-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012

Thank you, Tammy :-). Yeah, it's a hard-hitter in a way, and a little more obscure than I first intended, but I found that unusual structure and just had to go with it!

Mike

Comment from dportwood

Excellent

Fleedleflump,

I like the rhythm and the within line rhyming of this poem. Nice, easy reading quality and enjoyable theme. Well done.

Duane

 Comment Written 26-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012

Thanks, Duane - really glad you enjoyed it :-).

Mike

Comment from ernesto escarro

Excellent

Husband/Pariah/Therapist

Just a desire to have your eyes to focus on things
that need thought of care, the answer to question why they are there?

 Comment Written 26-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012

Thank you, Ernesto - I think these are questions we all ask, even though we know the answers are elusive.

Mike

reply by ernesto escarro on 29-Apr-2012

Thank you.

Comment from Galactia

Excellent

excellent written poem. love the metaphors used to express the emotions used to express anger and deceit. especially lines like: truth you seek with acid vim. i thought was original.

favourite stanza is....

Your twisted eyes are blind to lies,
their anguished tears a shroud
across the truth you seek with acid vim.

You look at me as if you see
a demon's wicked grin,
when all I am is comfort for your mind.


great job.

Regards
Tia

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 Comment Written 26-Apr-2012

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reply by the author on 26-Apr-2012

Thanks so much, Tia :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Mike