Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "A Mato Moon"Murder Mystery
46 total reviews
Comment from micci
Great writing I love a good murder mystery can not wait to read on and find out what happens next will have to find all the other chapters so I can catch up
reply by the author on 17-May-2012
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Great writing I love a good murder mystery can not wait to read on and find out what happens next will have to find all the other chapters so I can catch up
Comment Written 17-May-2012
reply by the author on 17-May-2012
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Hi, micci. Thanks for reading my chapter and sending along such a generous and supportive review. I really appreciate it! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from jaeladarling
A nice, intriguing chapter. Here's a nit you may want to look at:
"but she'd hardly broke a sweat which was" (Change "broke" to "broken" and add a comma after "sweat")
Overall, nicely done. The dialogue is good, and the story flows well. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes!
reply by the author on 17-May-2012
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A nice, intriguing chapter. Here's a nit you may want to look at:
"but she'd hardly broke a sweat which was" (Change "broke" to "broken" and add a comma after "sweat")
Overall, nicely done. The dialogue is good, and the story flows well. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes!
Comment Written 17-May-2012
reply by the author on 17-May-2012
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Thank you for your suggestions and your great review. I appreciate it! Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
Good chapter! Ooh, is Jana the snitch? The niece sounds like a live wire. Jana being nearby seems too obvious for her to be the dirty cop. I'd be interested in hearing more about the niece. :-)
reply by the author on 17-May-2012
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Good chapter! Ooh, is Jana the snitch? The niece sounds like a live wire. Jana being nearby seems too obvious for her to be the dirty cop. I'd be interested in hearing more about the niece. :-)
Comment Written 16-May-2012
reply by the author on 17-May-2012
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Hi, sue. Thank you for staying with the story. I really appreciate the support and this generous review. Unfortunately, Darcy isn't done yet LOL! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This si a good continuance of your novel. The characters remain true, and the dialogue flowed and the plot thickens. A very good read.
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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This si a good continuance of your novel. The characters remain true, and the dialogue flowed and the plot thickens. A very good read.
Comment Written 16-May-2012
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Thank you so much, barbara! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from psalmist
Even though it seems a while since I have read the last chapter, I was immediately drawn in and back in the midst of the story. Not sure why, but I enjoyed the description of the sheriff in his car with the stale coffee, lol. Maybe it appealed to my sense of taste (yuck) and smell. Like how you added a hint of suspicion at the end. I rather like Jana. I hope she is not going to end up being a problem. Well done. Linda
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Even though it seems a while since I have read the last chapter, I was immediately drawn in and back in the midst of the story. Not sure why, but I enjoyed the description of the sheriff in his car with the stale coffee, lol. Maybe it appealed to my sense of taste (yuck) and smell. Like how you added a hint of suspicion at the end. I rather like Jana. I hope she is not going to end up being a problem. Well done. Linda
Comment Written 16-May-2012
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Hi, Linda. Thank you for stopping in to read my latest chapter. I so appreciate the generous support and your insights. Jana's got Derek's back. Deep down he knows that. Hugs, Bev
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Bev, a super chapter making some good progress. The detective is having some trouble with his perp as he tries to tie pieces together. I love the tension and anticipation you bring in. Now how does Jana know so much about the niece. Well written. luv jada
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Hi Bev, a super chapter making some good progress. The detective is having some trouble with his perp as he tries to tie pieces together. I love the tension and anticipation you bring in. Now how does Jana know so much about the niece. Well written. luv jada
Comment Written 16-May-2012
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Thank you so much, Jada. Reading Agatha Christie for so many years, I like to put out all kinds of red herrings like shes used to LOL. Your generosity is so very much appreciated, my friend. I thank you very kindly. Love ya, Bev
Comment from fictionwriter
Great little piece of writing. I loved the descriptions, the narrative and the dialogue. You've got me hooked and I'll have to keep following along. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Great little piece of writing. I loved the descriptions, the narrative and the dialogue. You've got me hooked and I'll have to keep following along. Well done.
Comment Written 16-May-2012
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Thank you so much, fictionwriter. I'm honored given the exceptional quality of your own skills. Thanks much! Bev
Comment from Carrie Carson
I like this, good intrigue and the dialogue sounds natural. That's always a tough thing for me.
Just a thought, early in this story, when the Sheriff is driving along, I think "arrange" his thoughts might work better.
Thanks for sharing, I enjoy this tale.
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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I like this, good intrigue and the dialogue sounds natural. That's always a tough thing for me.
Just a thought, early in this story, when the Sheriff is driving along, I think "arrange" his thoughts might work better.
Thanks for sharing, I enjoy this tale.
Comment Written 16-May-2012
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Hi, Carrie. I think you might be right about that - a little less formal, especially coming out of the gate, so to speak. Thanks for the great review and interest. I appreciate it! Bev
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Oh, you're welcome. I just read a poem that looked like someone got a thesaurus for Christmas! Your story doesn't approach that but I thought the change would make it smoother. :)
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Busted! I think that word did come from a thesauraus. hehehe
Take care, Bev
Comment from misscookie
As alw2ays when I thing one thing is going to happen surprise something else or somne one else is in the picture. the is never a dull momenht.
You have my atterntion all the ways
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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As alw2ays when I thing one thing is going to happen surprise something else or somne one else is in the picture. the is never a dull momenht.
You have my atterntion all the ways
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 16-May-2012
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Thanks so much, misscookie. I sure appreciate your continued interest. You're so kind! Hugs, Bev
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my pleasure
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my pleasure
Comment from Jane Johnson
warning system; however, (?)
redress (readdress)
I would end that sentence after minutes and start the next with He...
stale coffee's taste (I would change it to stale coffee taste)
don't need to capitalize dispatch.
what does that mean sheriff, I don't believe needs to be capitalized.
I don't think coroner needs to be capitalized.
These are just my suggestions; however, valid as I believe they are. Nice suspense story. Interesting artwork choice.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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warning system; however, (?)
redress (readdress)
I would end that sentence after minutes and start the next with He...
stale coffee's taste (I would change it to stale coffee taste)
don't need to capitalize dispatch.
what does that mean sheriff, I don't believe needs to be capitalized.
I don't think coroner needs to be capitalized.
These are just my suggestions; however, valid as I believe they are. Nice suspense story. Interesting artwork choice.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-May-2012
reply by the author on 16-May-2012
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Hi, Jane. Thanks for your suggestions and generous review. I'll certainly take a look at them, and appreciate your interest in making the story stronger. Kind regards, Bev