Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Yusice Moon"Murder Mystery
44 total reviews
Comment from kleck140
Very descriptive writing. I wish you were my coach as I
need to learn how to do that kind of writing. You kept my
interest throughout the chapter. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Very descriptive writing. I wish you were my coach as I
need to learn how to do that kind of writing. You kept my
interest throughout the chapter. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much, kleck. You are most kind. And I really appreciate the generous and supportive review. Warmest regards, Bev
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Thanks for your quick response!
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You're welcome! :0)
Comment from TammyGail
another stunning read girlie - like always you pull me in and keep my full throughout the read - loved your use of imagery and notes as well as loving where your novel is going - can't wait for the next read - thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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another stunning read girlie - like always you pull me in and keep my full throughout the read - loved your use of imagery and notes as well as loving where your novel is going - can't wait for the next read - thanks for sharing
Comment Written 08-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much, Tammy. I am honored by your kind and generous review. Sure appreciate the support! Love ya, Bev
Comment from RaymondJohn
This has the no-nonsense straight-ahead drive of honest diarying. I know a bit about the Lakota and this has the ring of authenticity. I had no difficulty picking up the story line from this offering. It is a truly excellent write. Ray.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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This has the no-nonsense straight-ahead drive of honest diarying. I know a bit about the Lakota and this has the ring of authenticity. I had no difficulty picking up the story line from this offering. It is a truly excellent write. Ray.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Hi, Ray. I'm really glad to read that my use of the Lakota 'rings' authentic with you. Thanks for sharing ... that means a lot to me. And I very much appreciate your excellent review. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am curious how the translations work in the author's notes. In one of my novels, I used some Spanish and put the translation by the dialogue. It didn't work that well. I did it because when I get published there won't be author's notes. Oh well, I enjoyed reading.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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I am curious how the translations work in the author's notes. In one of my novels, I used some Spanish and put the translation by the dialogue. It didn't work that well. I did it because when I get published there won't be author's notes. Oh well, I enjoyed reading.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Hi, barbara. I've done it both ways and, generally, I think it's better to not leave it to the reader to have to look up the notes. I'm sort of experimenting here, a bit. So, thanks for sharing your insights and for your excellent review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello there Bev
it is literally impossible to wrangle a sixth star outta me, but this is so good. Your mystical tale is engrossing and pulled this reader to the end. Nicely crafted
Bear
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Hello there Bev
it is literally impossible to wrangle a sixth star outta me, but this is so good. Your mystical tale is engrossing and pulled this reader to the end. Nicely crafted
Bear
Comment Written 08-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Hi, Bear. Thank you for your extreme generosity and your words of support. I wondered if taking this is a more 'mystical' direction was going to work out, but I feel very connected to the spirit world, so it always seems to crop up. Thanks for letting me know that you liked that aspect. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from c_lucas
When natural things lose their sense of order, all is not right with the world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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When natural things lose their sense of order, all is not right with the world. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Hi, charlie. Thank you for your great review! Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
Comment from Tomoso
Nice one,Bev
This is a good mystery and crime piece. The Father Brian character is mysterious with the sheriff investigating him, and Jana Burke holding her counsel on his possible propensity to demonic attack(very creepy).Thanks for your notes,very helpful and educational. Well written and enjoyable.
Tom
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Nice one,Bev
This is a good mystery and crime piece. The Father Brian character is mysterious with the sheriff investigating him, and Jana Burke holding her counsel on his possible propensity to demonic attack(very creepy).Thanks for your notes,very helpful and educational. Well written and enjoyable.
Tom
Comment Written 08-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Thank you for stopping by to read my chapter, Tom. I really appreciate your great review and insights. The support is much appreciated! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for adding the Sioux dialect for more realism and adding your notes of explanation and translation. I was captivated by your descriptions and use of alliteration in the second and third paragraphs. Your chapter is quite compelling and the diary entry, very effective. -Joan
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Thank you for adding the Sioux dialect for more realism and adding your notes of explanation and translation. I was captivated by your descriptions and use of alliteration in the second and third paragraphs. Your chapter is quite compelling and the diary entry, very effective. -Joan
Comment Written 08-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2012
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Hello, Joan. Thank you for your generous and supportive review. I appreciate you taking time to read the chapter! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Tina55
I like how you bring out your description through Jana's sight and actions and feelings. Nicely done.
Only a cop would lock her glove box. I don't even remember what I have in mine. It's probably struggling for breath as I type. Great, now I feel guilty.
Thoughts darted in and out, fleet as a school of minnows, splitting her awareness between the road and all that she'd heard at the Task Force meeting. (Clever and cool)
What bothered her, though, was the way his features appeared fuzzy, similar to a face through a lens just before you get the camera into focus. (Tres cool description! It goes with something I talk about in my next post: how Kristen seems to adjust the aperture in her dreamscape to increase the amount of the scene that is in focus. Great minds think alike!! :)
I like how Jana greets Uncle Tony. Lots of respect there.
Great, great supernatural scene with Tony. Vivdly described and emotional to boot.
:)
Wow, the diary entry is creepy. I love it!
Great, great writing, Bev!! You've poured a lot into this one. I love all the little details, the spiritual side, the extra language, the intrigue. Bravo!!
Keep it up!
Tina
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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I like how you bring out your description through Jana's sight and actions and feelings. Nicely done.
Only a cop would lock her glove box. I don't even remember what I have in mine. It's probably struggling for breath as I type. Great, now I feel guilty.
Thoughts darted in and out, fleet as a school of minnows, splitting her awareness between the road and all that she'd heard at the Task Force meeting. (Clever and cool)
What bothered her, though, was the way his features appeared fuzzy, similar to a face through a lens just before you get the camera into focus. (Tres cool description! It goes with something I talk about in my next post: how Kristen seems to adjust the aperture in her dreamscape to increase the amount of the scene that is in focus. Great minds think alike!! :)
I like how Jana greets Uncle Tony. Lots of respect there.
Great, great supernatural scene with Tony. Vivdly described and emotional to boot.
:)
Wow, the diary entry is creepy. I love it!
Great, great writing, Bev!! You've poured a lot into this one. I love all the little details, the spiritual side, the extra language, the intrigue. Bravo!!
Keep it up!
Tina
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Hi, Tina
Thank you so much for your totally awesome and generous review! Wow, I am flying high with this one. And thank you for letting me know the ways you felt the chapter worked well. I sure appreciate the insights of someone of your ability -- so thank you for that.
Yes, you are right on target and very in tune, I might add, that this chapter was a real labor of love! I'm finding the more I know about what makes up good writing, the harder I have to work to meet those new standards. I've read that you learn the rules so you can break them, later. I'm just grateful for the rules at this point.
Love ya, buddy
Bev
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It's so true about the rules, Bev. I love breaking them...join me anytime!! xxoo
Comment from Connie C
I like how the story is getting really creepy, Bev. And, of course, I mean that in a good way. I like your description of Jana's reservation land. You do a great job of building up suspense as Jana senses that the killer has just begun and her impression of Father Brian as well. I've wondered about the priest, so I guess I'll have to wait and see. So far, great story full of suspense! Can't wait for the next chapter. Connie
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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I like how the story is getting really creepy, Bev. And, of course, I mean that in a good way. I like your description of Jana's reservation land. You do a great job of building up suspense as Jana senses that the killer has just begun and her impression of Father Brian as well. I've wondered about the priest, so I guess I'll have to wait and see. So far, great story full of suspense! Can't wait for the next chapter. Connie
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Connie, thank you so very much for your awesome review! Father Brian is a tortured man, for sure. Jana is sort of worming herself into my heart -- I may have to keep her around for a while.
Thanks, my dear friend, for always caring and being so encouraging. Your support means so much!
Hugs, Bev
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One question I have of you, oh great writer: Do you already know how your novel will end or do you just see where it takes you? I've always wondered about this with writers.
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Hi, Connie. I have not done much pre-planning with this novel. I know my basic story, but have been surprised by some of the directions my instincts have taken me. I'm not sure I'd recommend it, though, kind of nerve-wracking!
I have a great book and follow-up workbook by the same author - The Plot Whisperer, by Martha Alderson. I would really recommend reading her ideas on the subject, Connie. The follow-up to her fine text is a work-book to assist in applying her methods. She has a great website, too, where she applies her experience to different methods of writing.
Long answer LOL. Hope that helps :0) XX
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Thanks for the info, Bev. I'll definitely look up Martha Alderson. I joined FanStory three years ago to write short fiction and somehow ended up writing mostly poetry. I don't think I have the patience to write a novel, but I'm always interested in the process of doing so. Thanks again, my friend. Connie xoxo
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Connie, I would LOVE to see you write a short piece! I think Martha's book has good tips for any kind of writing. You're very welcome, buddy.
Xxx Bev
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Okay, you asked for it! You said you would love to see me write a short piece. If you go to my profile page and scroll down the middle of the page, you will see that a couple of years ago I actually won a site contest with my story, Jack and Chloe. Please do not feel you have to read it. You are a busy lady with lots to write and review, but keep it in mind some time when you have a spare moment. It's one of the few stories I've written, but you are inspiring me to want to try my hand at it again. Have a good evening, Sweetie.
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Oh, I will definitely read it tommorow, Connie. I'm about out of steam or I'd read it right now! Can't wait to read your contest winning piece. Xxx Bev
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I just copied off your story to read in the morning, Connie. I'm amazed at how many contests you've won! My God, do you hold some kind of record or something? I had no idea I was the company of such a celebrated poet! Xxx Bev
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Oh, how you flatter me! My husband, who has belonged to FanArt, tells me I've won my fair share, but given that I'm always entering contests, I'm bound to something now and then. Right now I'm having some serious writer's block, which is why I'm interested in doing more short fiction. But we shall see. Thanks again for being such a dear friend. Now go to bed or at least rest your bleary eyes. Love ya. Connie