Who's the Idiot?
100 word dash28 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this story about the cop who couldn't see the bigger picture, i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this story about the cop who couldn't see the bigger picture, i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 16-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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Thank you dweetwoodjax for your time and commentary,
Comment from steevie
Good job on the write. Perhaps Jacob needs a little tap on his behind for being so reckless. The car, who cares. The world is filled with more cars. The cop, an insensitive jerk!
good stuff
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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Good job on the write. Perhaps Jacob needs a little tap on his behind for being so reckless. The car, who cares. The world is filled with more cars. The cop, an insensitive jerk!
good stuff
Comment Written 16-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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steevie, thank you for the time spent on my writing and positive comments, appreciated....
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you're welcome
steve
Comment from writerwish
This is very well written and horribly suspencful. In a good way, as writers should do. It was funny when the car went down the hill. The cop was not amused. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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This is very well written and horribly suspencful. In a good way, as writers should do. It was funny when the car went down the hill. The cop was not amused. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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Thank you writerwish for reading and commenting.
Comment from terry drake
Cops! What a pain in the butt. You have lost your car but save your child and all the cop could think about is taking your money with a ticket.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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Cops! What a pain in the butt. You have lost your car but save your child and all the cop could think about is taking your money with a ticket.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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Thank you terry. Appreciated!!
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Thank you terry. Appreciated!!
Comment from gazzagodbod
lol loved this little story and especially the smart ass cop thank you my friend for the smile and all the best in the contest gazza
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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lol loved this little story and especially the smart ass cop thank you my friend for the smile and all the best in the contest gazza
Comment Written 16-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2012
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Thank you gazza for reading and positive comments.
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Thank you gazza for reading and positive comments.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a very good story I like this and some parents think if they go two minutes down the road their kid is ok what can happen in two minutes a lot is my answer good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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This is a very good story I like this and some parents think if they go two minutes down the road their kid is ok what can happen in two minutes a lot is my answer good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thanks dmt for reading and commenting.
Comment from EMB
This was definitely a brilliant idea for a story, and I did enjoy it. However, the execution needs tweaking. Everything is narrated except the final line. Why? It throws the whole thing off in my opinion.
Otherwise, great job with a great idea.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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This was definitely a brilliant idea for a story, and I did enjoy it. However, the execution needs tweaking. Everything is narrated except the final line. Why? It throws the whole thing off in my opinion.
Otherwise, great job with a great idea.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from redrider6612
I realize it is difficult to present a whole story with such a small number of words, but that is the challenge and I'm afraid this one fails on that score. The reader is left with questions because the father's actions aren't explained. Why did he stop? Why did he wait till the child was near the edge instead of getting out the minute the child did?
Another issue was the telling in two of the last 3 lines. Again, I know the word limit played a part, but with some word trimming, there could be room for a more well fleshed out story.
Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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I realize it is difficult to present a whole story with such a small number of words, but that is the challenge and I'm afraid this one fails on that score. The reader is left with questions because the father's actions aren't explained. Why did he stop? Why did he wait till the child was near the edge instead of getting out the minute the child did?
Another issue was the telling in two of the last 3 lines. Again, I know the word limit played a part, but with some word trimming, there could be room for a more well fleshed out story.
Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Wow... You gave lots to think of. Much appreciated after I let my defenses down. Again, appreciate your time and talent.
Comment from seren james
A very good flash fiction.A nice setting for the story. As far as he was concerned the conflict was resolved because saving the child was more important than the car.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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A very good flash fiction.A nice setting for the story. As far as he was concerned the conflict was resolved because saving the child was more important than the car.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you seren...
Comment from adewpearl
Jacob, his five year old, - add the second comma
I love the can't win predicament the cop puts Joe in :-)
A fun, complete story within the strict word limits of the prompt :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Jacob, his five year old, - add the second comma
I love the can't win predicament the cop puts Joe in :-)
A fun, complete story within the strict word limits of the prompt :-) Brooke
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you Brooke for reading and corrective comment. I appreciate the positive feedback and made the correction.