Forgotten Thoughts
Sometimes They Come Back103 total reviews
Comment from AprilShower
This has a very deep meaning to it. Most of us have thoughts that return at a later date, when we learn more and see more of a difficult situation. It is then we realize that those thoughts were not productive and left their scars. This is very well done, Curt.
April
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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This has a very deep meaning to it. Most of us have thoughts that return at a later date, when we learn more and see more of a difficult situation. It is then we realize that those thoughts were not productive and left their scars. This is very well done, Curt.
April
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much April,
I am very honored and quite humbled by your comments and your giving of a six for this piece.
To stir emotions in the reader is my ultimate goal, and if I did that for you, I will have a good day.
Thank you once again,
Curt
Comment from Tina McKala
this was full of various dark and engaging images, perfect imagery, strong write. Your choice of words was excellent, they flow very well and you created very powerful melody.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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this was full of various dark and engaging images, perfect imagery, strong write. Your choice of words was excellent, they flow very well and you created very powerful melody.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you Tina,
it makes my day to know you found this write moving, and your thoughts are very much appreciated.
Curt
Comment from eowyn0003
Curt,
I think the issue has more to do with the feet than the actual syllabic count. I have marked the syllabic count I see you are pretty consistant there. However, I did not note exactly where I stumbled; it might have been where you changed from 13 to 14 beats, or it could have been in the second from the last line, where you have a 13 beat line. All of this is minor though. Itā??s a great poem. I love it. Ignore that I stumbled. It might have been because my eyes are tired. It gave me the chance to read it several times, and the message really soaked in. Iā??ve been told that poetry should be read more than once and that it should be read out load.
Lura
13) Forgotten thoughts resurface like the dim light of the stars
13) seeping from the wounds that sit on shelves in broken jars
13) never to be mended in the tattered threads perceived
13) knotted in the fabric of the falsehoods I believed
14) contained inside the cobalt tide that no one vessel keeps
14) what seems are dreams to some become the nightmares while I sleep.
14) How proudly they parade in gaudy colors crimson laced
13) to radiate so fiercely from the fears I haven't faced
14) they crash as seas of sorrow flood the salty taste of pain
14) into my mouth as I turn south where nothing left remains
14) but scattered dusty memories and used up yesterdays
14) with scars that last from days gone past in hues of blacks and greys.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Curt,
I think the issue has more to do with the feet than the actual syllabic count. I have marked the syllabic count I see you are pretty consistant there. However, I did not note exactly where I stumbled; it might have been where you changed from 13 to 14 beats, or it could have been in the second from the last line, where you have a 13 beat line. All of this is minor though. Itā??s a great poem. I love it. Ignore that I stumbled. It might have been because my eyes are tired. It gave me the chance to read it several times, and the message really soaked in. Iā??ve been told that poetry should be read more than once and that it should be read out load.
Lura
13) Forgotten thoughts resurface like the dim light of the stars
13) seeping from the wounds that sit on shelves in broken jars
13) never to be mended in the tattered threads perceived
13) knotted in the fabric of the falsehoods I believed
14) contained inside the cobalt tide that no one vessel keeps
14) what seems are dreams to some become the nightmares while I sleep.
14) How proudly they parade in gaudy colors crimson laced
13) to radiate so fiercely from the fears I haven't faced
14) they crash as seas of sorrow flood the salty taste of pain
14) into my mouth as I turn south where nothing left remains
14) but scattered dusty memories and used up yesterdays
14) with scars that last from days gone past in hues of blacks and greys.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you Lura.
I apologize for the difficulty in the reading for you, it is the first such comment I have received of this nature, and if you would be so kind, would you please tell me where the "funkiness" was? I would really appreciate your input to make this read better.
Sincerely,
Curt
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I will be happy to critique it entirely. Give me about a half hour.
Lura
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Thank you so much.
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Your really welcome.
Lura
I love your writing
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Again, thank you so much... :>)
Curt
Comment from RominaItalia
This is absolutely beautiful. Your technique is perfect. The internal rhymes, especially at the 6th line, work wonderfully. Great art choice. This is an amazing piece. I look forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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This is absolutely beautiful. Your technique is perfect. The internal rhymes, especially at the 6th line, work wonderfully. Great art choice. This is an amazing piece. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you my friend.
I look forward to posting more work as the year rolls along.
Your thoughts are appreciated,
Curt
Comment from Sally Carter
Gotta be a 6 on so many counts.
Powerful thoughts, vividly expressed. Even if I'd never read any of your previous work, I would know there is a lot of pain here.
Wonderful meter, not always easy to do with long lines like this, but it flows beautifully.
And as you mentioned in your author notes, there are so many places where your word choices are so effective on the ear. I really couldn't list them all, and you know where they are anyway! But they are woven in skilfully and don't sound contrived. Just to pick a few that specially caught my attention:
seeping from the wounds that sit on shelves in broken jars -- fantastic strong words
Contained inside the cobalt tide. --super internal rhyme
And the last line is a powerful finish, both as to sound and image.
Great writing, Curt. To say it's a "pleasure" to read is probably not quite accurate, but a moving experience.
Best wishes
Sally
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Gotta be a 6 on so many counts.
Powerful thoughts, vividly expressed. Even if I'd never read any of your previous work, I would know there is a lot of pain here.
Wonderful meter, not always easy to do with long lines like this, but it flows beautifully.
And as you mentioned in your author notes, there are so many places where your word choices are so effective on the ear. I really couldn't list them all, and you know where they are anyway! But they are woven in skilfully and don't sound contrived. Just to pick a few that specially caught my attention:
seeping from the wounds that sit on shelves in broken jars -- fantastic strong words
Contained inside the cobalt tide. --super internal rhyme
And the last line is a powerful finish, both as to sound and image.
Great writing, Curt. To say it's a "pleasure" to read is probably not quite accurate, but a moving experience.
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you Sally.
I am so honored by your most insightful review and generous rating. This type of writing, with the extended lines has always been a pet project of mine. I don't know why, but it seems to "pop" into my head when I sit sown at the writing table, and honestly, it flows out unbidden most of the time.
To know that it was as moving for you to read as it was for me to write is a balm for this poet's soul, and I thank you once again for sharing your candid comments with me.
Sincerely,
Curt
Comment from jb wade
Very enjoyable read. I like your word choices and the images you have strung together. The artwork is fitting.
There are so many good lines. I think the one I like best is the next to the last. That's a little hidden nugget of truth. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Very enjoyable read. I like your word choices and the images you have strung together. The artwork is fitting.
There are so many good lines. I think the one I like best is the next to the last. That's a little hidden nugget of truth. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you my friend,
the scattered dusty memories sometimes do shake the cobwebs off and make an appearance to our minds.
So glad you moved by the experience, and I thank you once again for your thoughts and rating.
Sincerely,
Curt
Comment from prayingpoet
Yes the message was quite clear. Very will written with a clear message good use of rhymes scattered throughout the poem....good Word pictures...nicely done.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Yes the message was quite clear. Very will written with a clear message good use of rhymes scattered throughout the poem....good Word pictures...nicely done.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you very much for your thoughts on this piece, they are appreciated.
Curt
Comment from Argentum lupus
Hi there Curt
Nice short poem, good rhyming couplets and imagery. It takes you through the work well and smoothly.
There's a lot more if you look deeper into the work... though I'm not sure if that was meant to be?
Nice work.
Toli
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Hi there Curt
Nice short poem, good rhyming couplets and imagery. It takes you through the work well and smoothly.
There's a lot more if you look deeper into the work... though I'm not sure if that was meant to be?
Nice work.
Toli
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you Toli,
yes it was intended, and thank you for noticing then.
Sincerely,
Curt
Comment from mauial
I like the imagery you use like the thoughts in these two lines:
Forgotten thoughts resurface like the dim light of the stars
seeping from the wounds that sit on shelves in broken jars
Thoughts are never really forgotten. It's implanted on our synapses. The problem is the connections get unconnected and at times that may be a blessing, especially for traumatic events.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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I like the imagery you use like the thoughts in these two lines:
Forgotten thoughts resurface like the dim light of the stars
seeping from the wounds that sit on shelves in broken jars
Thoughts are never really forgotten. It's implanted on our synapses. The problem is the connections get unconnected and at times that may be a blessing, especially for traumatic events.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you.
I am so glad that the imagery was vivid for you in this piece.
Your thoughts and rating are very much appreciated.
Curt
Comment from Rondeno
This is a very impressive poem about those regrets which pop uninvited into our consciousness, altering our mood and depriving us of peace of mind. The form of the poem adds a lyrical, beautiful quality to the idea.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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This is a very impressive poem about those regrets which pop uninvited into our consciousness, altering our mood and depriving us of peace of mind. The form of the poem adds a lyrical, beautiful quality to the idea.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much for your comments and for your generous sprinkling of stars. I appreciate them very much.
Curt