Too Many Birds Are Singing!
almost too fantastical to be true ...56 total reviews
Comment from Brumar97
I loved this story... the description of Victoria Montgomery (Miss or Mrs.?) was perfect. I could see her down to her... underwear. The description of Tommy and Jack with their ADD and/or ADHD was spot on. (I have 3 children diagnosed ADD and ADHD.) Thank you so much for sharing!
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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I loved this story... the description of Victoria Montgomery (Miss or Mrs.?) was perfect. I could see her down to her... underwear. The description of Tommy and Jack with their ADD and/or ADHD was spot on. (I have 3 children diagnosed ADD and ADHD.) Thank you so much for sharing!
Comment Written 28-May-2013
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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Oh my goodness - THREE of them! I'll bet you have a busy household my dear!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Norbanus
Delightful tale of Tommy's happy trip
from nothing into Ms Montgomery's trap
and out through Jack's charming ruse
to find a world of word that he can use
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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Delightful tale of Tommy's happy trip
from nothing into Ms Montgomery's trap
and out through Jack's charming ruse
to find a world of word that he can use
Comment Written 28-May-2013
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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oh you clever t hing you! :)Sharyn
Comment from TLPhillips
The characters were well developed and it tells an inspiring story, one that teaches us that no matter the obstacle we can overcome it if we put our mind to it. I'm a bit confused as to the POV here, it appears to be written primarily in third person, however on a number of occasions you break the fourth wall. The break itself pulls me from the story and distracts the story flow. There's also a lot of unnecessary repetition that makes it harder to read. Both of these could probably be overlooked if the story was told in first person from Tommy's POV, since they would be effective in showing how ADD/ADHD affects the thinking and actions of those that suffer from it.
Overall a wonderful and underexposed concept. Thank you for sharing. Good Luck and Happy Writing.
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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The characters were well developed and it tells an inspiring story, one that teaches us that no matter the obstacle we can overcome it if we put our mind to it. I'm a bit confused as to the POV here, it appears to be written primarily in third person, however on a number of occasions you break the fourth wall. The break itself pulls me from the story and distracts the story flow. There's also a lot of unnecessary repetition that makes it harder to read. Both of these could probably be overlooked if the story was told in first person from Tommy's POV, since they would be effective in showing how ADD/ADHD affects the thinking and actions of those that suffer from it.
Overall a wonderful and underexposed concept. Thank you for sharing. Good Luck and Happy Writing.
Comment Written 28-May-2013
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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aah, well it's definitely a matter of taste TL - I don't usually impose a storyteller in a prose piece, but thought I'd try it with this one. It's a technique Roald Dahl uses and I rather enjoy it. Sorry it didn't work for you. To use Tommy's pov may not work though, as he starts off at 7 years old, so that may pose a bit of a challenge ... hmmm ...
thx!
:)Sharyn
Comment from God's Writer
I am ADHD and there can never be too many birds singing. He is just too intelligent and is bored with school. You ndid a fabulous story my friend.
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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I am ADHD and there can never be too many birds singing. He is just too intelligent and is bored with school. You ndid a fabulous story my friend.
Comment Written 28-May-2013
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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You've hit the nail on the head right there GW! Frankly, schools these days really ARE boring - I've sat in on my share of classes, believe me. My son at one stage sat UNDER the desk in one class. Frankly, after listening to his teacher, I didn't blame him one bit!
Thx! :)Sharyn
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend you bring the characters to life so well and I love the way you closed the story well done I enjoyed regards Jill
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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Yes this is well written my friend you bring the characters to life so well and I love the way you closed the story well done I enjoyed regards Jill
Comment Written 28-May-2013
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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and again, my dear! :)S
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Visionary1234/Sharyn,
Wonderful piece of Fantasy Fiction disclosing a bitter truth in the end!
Almost two third part of the story revolves around Miss Victoria Montgomery, 'a very bad teacher in all respects', Seven year old Tommy who is being maltreated by this teacher in the school and Mrs. Jones, Tommy's mother. In the later one third part, after a gap of three years, Jack, who teaches Tommy at home, enters the life of Tommy and Mrs. Jones. Miss Montgomery is removed from the scene.
Its theme is entertaining as well as educative and beautifully narrates that kids/children must be treated psychologically while being taught. That's why Miss Montgomery utterly fails while Jack remarkably succeeds.
Its language is simple having spontaneous 'mesmerizing' flow with 'lively pictorial quality'. Reader remains glued to it and reaches the end in one sitting.
Marvelous! Superb!!
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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Hello Visionary1234/Sharyn,
Wonderful piece of Fantasy Fiction disclosing a bitter truth in the end!
Almost two third part of the story revolves around Miss Victoria Montgomery, 'a very bad teacher in all respects', Seven year old Tommy who is being maltreated by this teacher in the school and Mrs. Jones, Tommy's mother. In the later one third part, after a gap of three years, Jack, who teaches Tommy at home, enters the life of Tommy and Mrs. Jones. Miss Montgomery is removed from the scene.
Its theme is entertaining as well as educative and beautifully narrates that kids/children must be treated psychologically while being taught. That's why Miss Montgomery utterly fails while Jack remarkably succeeds.
Its language is simple having spontaneous 'mesmerizing' flow with 'lively pictorial quality'. Reader remains glued to it and reaches the end in one sitting.
Marvelous! Superb!!
Comment Written 28-May-2013
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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I LOVE it when you love one of my pieces RP! Thank you for a wonderful six on this one, and all your encouragement.
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from Adora Bayles
A great piece of work. I advocate home schooling, which ought to be done while children are in public school. I discovered my eighteen month old playing with a W and identified it for him. As he learned his alphabet this way, I gave the letters voices. By the time he was five, he was reading independently. Mothers who wait until their kids are six make a big mistake not working with them from infancy. Thanks for sharing
Conni
aka Adora
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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A great piece of work. I advocate home schooling, which ought to be done while children are in public school. I discovered my eighteen month old playing with a W and identified it for him. As he learned his alphabet this way, I gave the letters voices. By the time he was five, he was reading independently. Mothers who wait until their kids are six make a big mistake not working with them from infancy. Thanks for sharing
Conni
aka Adora
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 28-May-2013
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I wish you'd been around to teach my son Adora! Mind you, I read aloud to him every night for years. By the time he was 7, he had the vocab of a college student. But he was definitely slow to read. But he went to a Waldorf school where they taught by the 'whole word' approach rather than phonics and it was totally the wrong way to teach my son! So home school it was for many years, plus private tutors etc. We've been through the mill, but he's actually doing very well in a charter school at the moment - but we have had our tussles with teachers, believe me. (None quite so nasty as Miss Victoria Montgomery though, thank goodness! And I certainly can't vouch for any of their underwear!)
Many blessings for your delightful review and for your much appreciated six - I'm so glad you enjoyed my piece!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I am very friendly with a young man that teachers had recommended to his parents to send him to a 'special' school
for slow learners.
Today he has a Doctorate and four or five Masters in different disciplines - so he is living proof of Tommy's early journey. However, I often muse as to whether he has studied to the extent that he did just to prove a point.
I love the interjection of the author's thought into the story and do not feel it to be in any way intrusive.
I also like the rather subtle humour interwoven with the serious storyline.
Juliette
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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I am very friendly with a young man that teachers had recommended to his parents to send him to a 'special' school
for slow learners.
Today he has a Doctorate and four or five Masters in different disciplines - so he is living proof of Tommy's early journey. However, I often muse as to whether he has studied to the extent that he did just to prove a point.
I love the interjection of the author's thought into the story and do not feel it to be in any way intrusive.
I also like the rather subtle humour interwoven with the serious storyline.
Juliette
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Thank you so much for your wonderful six on this one Juliette. I know quite a few people who overcame HUGE odds and teacher recommendations and proved them totally incorrect - my son is one of them. So glad you enjoyed the piece and the quirky Storyteller voice - I was in two minds whether or not to include it, but I found her rather irresistible.
:)Sharyn
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Yes, I found her IRRESTISTIBLE too! (:
Comment from Selina Stambi
... and long on years - probably very long in the tooth too - loved the line!
Spartan (lower case s)
story book (no hyphen)
Victoria should definitely have kept that one a secret ... LOVE it!
Twinnie, dear - another bouncy, exuberant masterpiece from you - how wonderfully modern day fairy tale ... the neurologist and all .... and, I can bet my bottom dollar, more than a smidgeon of biography ... as always!
LOVED it - as always!! Hugs xxx
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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... and long on years - probably very long in the tooth too - loved the line!
Spartan (lower case s)
story book (no hyphen)
Victoria should definitely have kept that one a secret ... LOVE it!
Twinnie, dear - another bouncy, exuberant masterpiece from you - how wonderfully modern day fairy tale ... the neurologist and all .... and, I can bet my bottom dollar, more than a smidgeon of biography ... as always!
LOVED it - as always!! Hugs xxx
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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those damned hyphens! Americans have now dispensed with the hyphen and join the word completely, it seems - storybook. Apparently there are language growth stages: story book, story-book, storybook! Good Lord! thx for the spartan catch - I wrote it like that originally and then thought hmmm ... Glad you enjoyed this one and yes, a little smidgeon of biography, as always - or, shall we say, wishful biographical thinking ...
Comment from Alanna Renee
What I liked: Your characters are not the typical looking, typical sounding characters. You also use some very vivid descriptions, and your voice sets the piece apart from other stories. You have a good mix of serious issues with a splash of humor to lighten the mood.
Needs work: Some of the dialogue doesn't seem natural, and occasionally events change too quickly. For instance, why was the little boy's mother right outside his door just at the moment his teacher was attacking him?
I liked: I also liked the symbol of too many birds singing in his head. Beautiful!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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What I liked: Your characters are not the typical looking, typical sounding characters. You also use some very vivid descriptions, and your voice sets the piece apart from other stories. You have a good mix of serious issues with a splash of humor to lighten the mood.
Needs work: Some of the dialogue doesn't seem natural, and occasionally events change too quickly. For instance, why was the little boy's mother right outside his door just at the moment his teacher was attacking him?
I liked: I also liked the symbol of too many birds singing in his head. Beautiful!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Parents wait outside while their children are being seen by private teachers Alanna - and events do need to change quickly as you only have 2000 words to tell a whole story. The dialogue won't sound "natural" - it's not really meant to, as it's a "character" telling the story, yes?
:)Sharyn