Three little words were never said.
A child growing up without love16 total reviews
Comment from mumsyone
I hope your poem is fiction, and not true. It's sad to think of a child growing up without being told they are loved. Good luck in the contest. If you make corrections, please let me know.
was (were) never to be said, that was clear.
you then would yell " go (Go)outside and play".(.")
Kids can be cruel with names they'd (they) call
Birthday's (Birthdays) came and birthday's (birthdays)
went,
those three words were never said by you. (Better: those three words never said by you)
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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I hope your poem is fiction, and not true. It's sad to think of a child growing up without being told they are loved. Good luck in the contest. If you make corrections, please let me know.
was (were) never to be said, that was clear.
you then would yell " go (Go)outside and play".(.")
Kids can be cruel with names they'd (they) call
Birthday's (Birthdays) came and birthday's (birthdays)
went,
those three words were never said by you. (Better: those three words never said by you)
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thank you for your positive comments I do appreciate it.
Comment from rhonny
Another very miserable childhood in this poem. A child who yearns for simple love. A child who is a loner. So sad. There are some things to be edited here.Line two 'was' should be 'were', and the last two lines don't rhyme at all, and the rhythm is out of sync. But good work over all.
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reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Another very miserable childhood in this poem. A child who yearns for simple love. A child who is a loner. So sad. There are some things to be edited here.Line two 'was' should be 'were', and the last two lines don't rhyme at all, and the rhythm is out of sync. But good work over all.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thanks for your comments I appreciate it.
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That's quite ok :) rhonny
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That's quite ok :) rhonny
Comment from The Death
this is a brilliant write.you captured the pain so well and did an excellent job narrating the sad childhood story.well rhyming quatrains and good flow.it is a well penned write
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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this is a brilliant write.you captured the pain so well and did an excellent job narrating the sad childhood story.well rhyming quatrains and good flow.it is a well penned write
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thanks for the great review, I appreciate it.
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer sticks with the aabb rhyme scheme effectively. This piece has good rhyming that is not forced which leads to a smooth flow. The writer delivers a message that saddens my heart because all children need to hear those three words.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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The writer sticks with the aabb rhyme scheme effectively. This piece has good rhyming that is not forced which leads to a smooth flow. The writer delivers a message that saddens my heart because all children need to hear those three words.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thanks for the comments and the rating, I really appreciate it.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Such a poignantly penned, heartbreaking poem of an unrequited love of the worst kind. A parent's love for their own child. I thank God everyday that my parents never failed to say those three little words. They do mean so very much...
Lovely write!
My heart was sad, my need was strong,
my mind knew, this had to be wrong
All I wanted to hear was" I love you"
those three words were never said by you.------>I would drop the word "WERE" from this, so the last line would read,
"those three little words never said by you." It lends a lot more sadness and finality to that line, I believe, and flows so nicely with what is already a spectacular piece...
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Such a poignantly penned, heartbreaking poem of an unrequited love of the worst kind. A parent's love for their own child. I thank God everyday that my parents never failed to say those three little words. They do mean so very much...
Lovely write!
My heart was sad, my need was strong,
my mind knew, this had to be wrong
All I wanted to hear was" I love you"
those three words were never said by you.------>I would drop the word "WERE" from this, so the last line would read,
"those three little words never said by you." It lends a lot more sadness and finality to that line, I believe, and flows so nicely with what is already a spectacular piece...
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thank you for the comments and the rating of my poem I appreciate it.
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My pleasure...
Comment from Liz Dunbee
It is sad to read how some people suffer in their childhood. But your poem is great, smooth flowing and easy to read. Your rhyming is excellent and you have not overused any words. I think you should remove the space at the bottom of the poem. Your picture is sweet and suits the poem well.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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It is sad to read how some people suffer in their childhood. But your poem is great, smooth flowing and easy to read. Your rhyming is excellent and you have not overused any words. I think you should remove the space at the bottom of the poem. Your picture is sweet and suits the poem well.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2013
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Thanks for the comments and the suggestion, I tried to remove it but not sure how to do it.
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Go to the edit screen of the poem and click at the bottom of the box until you see the cursor blinking then just backspace until you delete the unnecessary space. That should work.