The Storm
8 and 6 weeks out from 2 brain surgeries17 total reviews
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
CONSIDER:
"Her difficult walk TO starboard is an...
RAMBLING:"She struggles... all dance in the rain.
CONSIDER: Keep it simple. Avoid adverbs
"Putting one foot in front of the other, she struggles striving for balance. But then with a big sparkle, her eyes turn telling us to dance in the rain.
AVOID subject first consecutive sentences. For ex:
"Her difficult walk starboard
She struggles putting one foot
She knew how to anchor us is
AVOID repetition: For ex:
"...a disabled compass, and,...
"...to repair and renew a disabled compass...
Good luck from a stage 4 cancer survivor.
Regards:
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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CONSIDER:
"Her difficult walk TO starboard is an...
RAMBLING:"She struggles... all dance in the rain.
CONSIDER: Keep it simple. Avoid adverbs
"Putting one foot in front of the other, she struggles striving for balance. But then with a big sparkle, her eyes turn telling us to dance in the rain.
AVOID subject first consecutive sentences. For ex:
"Her difficult walk starboard
She struggles putting one foot
She knew how to anchor us is
AVOID repetition: For ex:
"...a disabled compass, and,...
"...to repair and renew a disabled compass...
Good luck from a stage 4 cancer survivor.
Regards:
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Stephen A Carter, thank you ever so much for your suggestions. I will edit. I suppose writing your thoughts can become rambling. Taken from my journal. Thank you for your review and your well wishes. You too. jlsavell
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Dear J: We all ramble when gripped by the muse.
XX Steve C
PS: Am writing 100 short poems on America. Just posted #61/62.
Comment from barkingdog
Congratulation to you and your family on Sarah's braving the storm. It sounds like she's a real trooper.
Your story is uplifting. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Congratulation to you and your family on Sarah's braving the storm. It sounds like she's a real trooper.
Your story is uplifting. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Sarah is a real trooper.Please do follow her story. It is inspiring.. thank you ever so much barkingdog. I appreciate your review... jlsavell
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello jlsavell
I'm very impressed with the way you told us of the storm in your Granddaughters life
Especially when you said (which to me is amazing writing)
Today, twelve weeks out from this life-threatening storm, we rejoice greatly and we exhale; for our Captain Sarah musters incredible strength and dauntless will to repair and renew a disabled compass. Her difficult walk starboard is an undertaking that cannot be described except that it is truly awe-inspiring
Gert
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Hello jlsavell
I'm very impressed with the way you told us of the storm in your Granddaughters life
Especially when you said (which to me is amazing writing)
Today, twelve weeks out from this life-threatening storm, we rejoice greatly and we exhale; for our Captain Sarah musters incredible strength and dauntless will to repair and renew a disabled compass. Her difficult walk starboard is an undertaking that cannot be described except that it is truly awe-inspiring
Gert
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Gert, once again thank you ever so much. I appreciate you... jimi
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You are very welcome
Gert
Comment from gaangel62
Beautiful story and I will add Sarah to my prayer list..God holds us in the palm of his hand and leads us through some of the worst trials in our lives....but he is with you, holding Sarah in his arms.....Hugs...Angel
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Beautiful story and I will add Sarah to my prayer list..God holds us in the palm of his hand and leads us through some of the worst trials in our lives....but he is with you, holding Sarah in his arms.....Hugs...Angel
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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gaangel62, thank you ever so much for stopping by to read and review my work. Sarah is a strong child. Thank you.. jlsavell
Comment from adewpearl
rest a quote - rests a quote
I love the quote
great use of the storm imagery
How inspiring that she has that attitude during rehab - it would be so easy for her just to despair and wallow in misery.
Brooke
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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rest a quote - rests a quote
I love the quote
great use of the storm imagery
How inspiring that she has that attitude during rehab - it would be so easy for her just to despair and wallow in misery.
Brooke
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Brooke, she is doing phenomenally. It is incredible. The blood clot shifted her mid-brain 1/4 of an inch. Can you beleive that. It was in the right temporal lobe of her brain. We were afraid her behavior would be marked, but Sarah seems to be becoming the Sarah we knew everyday. When she first came out of the coma, we all know she was scared and disoriented, not too mention hurting for she had been intubated all this time, but her language was horrific and from whence it came we had no idea, It was like watching The Exorcists. Frightening. She remembers none of it. Neurologist said it was the brain backfiring and rewiring. Also, her seizures were frightening, but again brain healing..
She is truly remarkable.. truly.. re-hab is highly impressed..
Comment from Petriesan
this is a very personal story and I can see the strength of your family. . .
dancing int he rain does not quite fit this experience, but it is a good thing to remember
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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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this is a very personal story and I can see the strength of your family. . .
dancing int he rain does not quite fit this experience, but it is a good thing to remember
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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Petrisan, thank you ever so much. Today, we are dancing. again thank you.. jlsavell
Comment from Gungalo
You have an incredible strength, Jimi. Most parents who are facing such never make it. Their child doesn't either. I admire and look up to you for this. Sigh.
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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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You have an incredible strength, Jimi. Most parents who are facing such never make it. Their child doesn't either. I admire and look up to you for this. Sigh.
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Comment Written 18-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2013
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You are sweet Gungalo. I don't know about strength, but I do know about trying to keep it together. again thank you.. jimi
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One can't keep it together without strength, Jimi.