Tall Tales and Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Rice Crispy Morning"Personal growth stories for children
15 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
Author... This is six star worthy in my books for not only the excellent writing but the true authenticity to your story. I can remember at that age of ten(and it was only 48 years ago) the Mindy's in my life. How you would do everything to be in her presence. And how distraught you were when/if it didn't work to your satisfaction.
Great piece of writing. I wouldn't change a thing. Especially the last line ...
"Awesome, this is what I call a REAL 'Rice Crispy Morning."
John
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Author... This is six star worthy in my books for not only the excellent writing but the true authenticity to your story. I can remember at that age of ten(and it was only 48 years ago) the Mindy's in my life. How you would do everything to be in her presence. And how distraught you were when/if it didn't work to your satisfaction.
Great piece of writing. I wouldn't change a thing. Especially the last line ...
"Awesome, this is what I call a REAL 'Rice Crispy Morning."
John
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Thank you John, I have followed your work and feel that the six star from you is an honor indeed. Have a great day, :-)
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Wow. Thank you for the compliment. I appreciate it.
Comment from BryanOldfield
Hi, really like the story - it does give a childs perspective.
Nice feeling of anticipation and excitement, from a child's eyes about a new day, a new friend and the fun of walking in the snow.
Many thanks for using my painting to illustrate your story, Regards, Bryan
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Hi, really like the story - it does give a childs perspective.
Nice feeling of anticipation and excitement, from a child's eyes about a new day, a new friend and the fun of walking in the snow.
Many thanks for using my painting to illustrate your story, Regards, Bryan
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Bryan, what a nice review, thanks for taking the time to do so, You are most welcome. Your picture was so appropriate for the story. :-)
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As before, apologies for taking so long to get back to you. B
Comment from GracieAnn
This Through the eyes of a child writing prompt entry meets the requirements by telling it in the vernacular of a junior-higher, I suspect. The perspective and language is appropriate to that age group. All the best in the contest. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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This Through the eyes of a child writing prompt entry meets the requirements by telling it in the vernacular of a junior-higher, I suspect. The perspective and language is appropriate to that age group. All the best in the contest. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Thank you GracieAnn for this wonderful review and best wishes :-)
Comment from JB Lynn
"...but hey, I am only nine years old." - I would suggest changing this to read "...but hey, I am almost ten years old." I spend a lot of time with children, and the nine-year-olds are obsessed with that all-important double-digit birthday. Practically from the moment they turn nine, it's all about being "almost ten".
"...I saw her looking at me a bunch of times..." - Nice turn of a childhood phrase "bunch of times".
"My dad says, `she's a keeper.'" - Good. This shows us how the little boy looks up to his father.
"Maybe I eat [too] many pancakes.."
This was a charming story and I loved the ending of the "real 'rice crispy morning'". Good luck in the contest.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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"...but hey, I am only nine years old." - I would suggest changing this to read "...but hey, I am almost ten years old." I spend a lot of time with children, and the nine-year-olds are obsessed with that all-important double-digit birthday. Practically from the moment they turn nine, it's all about being "almost ten".
"...I saw her looking at me a bunch of times..." - Nice turn of a childhood phrase "bunch of times".
"My dad says, `she's a keeper.'" - Good. This shows us how the little boy looks up to his father.
"Maybe I eat [too] many pancakes.."
This was a charming story and I loved the ending of the "real 'rice crispy morning'". Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for your wonderful comments and edits. I actually released it when it should have been in preview, uh oh, at any rate it has now been edited and is only 500 words long. I appreciate all you have said.
Comment from seaglass
"Child's perspective of an object or situation", You met the challenge. Getting our minds back into our inner child can take was focus. You did a good job of doing so for this fictional child and his winter morning.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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"Child's perspective of an object or situation", You met the challenge. Getting our minds back into our inner child can take was focus. You did a good job of doing so for this fictional child and his winter morning.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much for the superb review, It was fun to write. :-)
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You are welcome