Erotic Addiction
A man can become addicted to anything30 total reviews
Comment from nelliesellie
I Love the story. THIS MAN LET SEX GET WAY OUT OF HAND. He began to think with the wrong head. Think about the money. You will soon have nothing if you don't.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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I Love the story. THIS MAN LET SEX GET WAY OUT OF HAND. He began to think with the wrong head. Think about the money. You will soon have nothing if you don't.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey there mystery author
I have to tell you, I found this story line to be riveting.
Jake was vaguely aware that at one point between his third and fourth orgasm he had pushed his way into a passage that made Li Song cry out, but she had not allowed him to stop as moved within her with wild passion. (OH wow) this was wonderfully sexy and erotic
Bear
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Hey there mystery author
I have to tell you, I found this story line to be riveting.
Jake was vaguely aware that at one point between his third and fourth orgasm he had pushed his way into a passage that made Li Song cry out, but she had not allowed him to stop as moved within her with wild passion. (OH wow) this was wonderfully sexy and erotic
Bear
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, Bear. I'm so happy you liked it. I meant for this to be a trilogy, with many answers coming at the end. Glad you enjoyed the writing and thank you for the great review.
Comment from jmdg1954
Ja-Key got lucky he did not torch himself to death earlier that day of do something stupid that week, otherwise his rondevous with Li Song would not have been so orgasmic! This was a great sequel to the first story.
Interesting and in the manner you wrote this the story, John
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Ja-Key got lucky he did not torch himself to death earlier that day of do something stupid that week, otherwise his rondevous with Li Song would not have been so orgasmic! This was a great sequel to the first story.
Interesting and in the manner you wrote this the story, John
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, John. I was wondering if anyone would remember the first part. There is a final third part on the way.
Comment from the-adventurer
I really enjoyed this. You took the writing prompt to an entirely different level than I would have expected anyone too! I really enjoyed reading this! Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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I really enjoyed this. You took the writing prompt to an entirely different level than I would have expected anyone too! I really enjoyed reading this! Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Terrie DeGolier
The story line is awesome from the minute Jake was at work you describe his surroundings as if we were there in person. You made me feel his anxious desire to get back to her massage business. You were able to make an erotic scene without being gross you did it with a sensual touch. I liked everything about it and wish you good luck in the contest. If it were up to me I consider you the winner already. Terrie
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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The story line is awesome from the minute Jake was at work you describe his surroundings as if we were there in person. You made me feel his anxious desire to get back to her massage business. You were able to make an erotic scene without being gross you did it with a sensual touch. I liked everything about it and wish you good luck in the contest. If it were up to me I consider you the winner already. Terrie
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, Terrie. I'm happy you enjoyed this little tale. I appreciate the great review.
Comment from Majormajormajormajor
Impressive that both hands had the discipline to stay on the keyboard and turn out a very well written as well as erotic piece. Sex is always a tricky subject, as one author's honesty is easily the rhesus monkey responsible for every exposed reader's queasiness. Nothing turns the stomach faster than an awkward prose description of fucking. The pitfalls are manifold even in the no-mans land between prudishness and pornography. I still can't think of "The Corrections" without cringing at Franzen's cutty-thumbed stabs at honest erotic description. That having been said, he's a writer of considerable talent, but one who has been bested by the writing of the author of the above piece. I think because we so easily become overwhelmed by physical imperatives, the true nature and nuances of fucking have mostly been suppressed to the point of spreading invidious ignorance: What other activities in life entail simultaneously the pleasures, fears, shame, serenity, suspicions, honesty, deflections and connections that make certain sexual encounters of seismic importance in one's life. I have 2 criticisms to share with the author. The 'had' should be 'have' in the following italicized sentence, and "Christ" should be "Christ's":
What's wrong with me? It's not like I was virgin before I met her. Hell, we didn't even have sex, or had a real conversation. I paid her for a hand job, for Christ sake. I need to get a grip.
The second (w/o questioning using 'hand job' and 'get a grip' in the same passage), is the author's baseless description of erotic compulsion towards another human as an addiction. There is nothing in the story that demonstrates the couple don't share a genuine affection. And I'll say it flat, if whores were better actors, they'd be actresses. Also, "Li" is a Chinese sir-name, 'Pong' despite the eponymous game is spelled "Peng" in pin yin, all of which are Mandarin Chinese attributes and not polysyllabic Japanese. But all in all, I enjoyed the story, and I think it was written well.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Impressive that both hands had the discipline to stay on the keyboard and turn out a very well written as well as erotic piece. Sex is always a tricky subject, as one author's honesty is easily the rhesus monkey responsible for every exposed reader's queasiness. Nothing turns the stomach faster than an awkward prose description of fucking. The pitfalls are manifold even in the no-mans land between prudishness and pornography. I still can't think of "The Corrections" without cringing at Franzen's cutty-thumbed stabs at honest erotic description. That having been said, he's a writer of considerable talent, but one who has been bested by the writing of the author of the above piece. I think because we so easily become overwhelmed by physical imperatives, the true nature and nuances of fucking have mostly been suppressed to the point of spreading invidious ignorance: What other activities in life entail simultaneously the pleasures, fears, shame, serenity, suspicions, honesty, deflections and connections that make certain sexual encounters of seismic importance in one's life. I have 2 criticisms to share with the author. The 'had' should be 'have' in the following italicized sentence, and "Christ" should be "Christ's":
What's wrong with me? It's not like I was virgin before I met her. Hell, we didn't even have sex, or had a real conversation. I paid her for a hand job, for Christ sake. I need to get a grip.
The second (w/o questioning using 'hand job' and 'get a grip' in the same passage), is the author's baseless description of erotic compulsion towards another human as an addiction. There is nothing in the story that demonstrates the couple don't share a genuine affection. And I'll say it flat, if whores were better actors, they'd be actresses. Also, "Li" is a Chinese sir-name, 'Pong' despite the eponymous game is spelled "Peng" in pin yin, all of which are Mandarin Chinese attributes and not polysyllabic Japanese. But all in all, I enjoyed the story, and I think it was written well.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much. It's more praise than I deserve. Li Song is not Japanese. She is only using the Japanese baths, and misusing it at that. In the these first two tale, I didn't say what she is, and I left the character of Jake unsure about it.
I appreciate the editing help, that means a lot.
Comment from dalewarren59
Excellent word pictures, drew me right into the story as if I was really there. You have captured "erotic" without hardcore sex. That's not easy.
One word - "barley", I think you meant to be "barely"
I was a little confused by "it's not like a I was a virgin when I meant her" which indicated Jake might have a wife/girlfriend. But if so she doesn't appear anywhere else in the story. Maybe expand on this by putting "someone else" in the bed next to him at the end.
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reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Excellent word pictures, drew me right into the story as if I was really there. You have captured "erotic" without hardcore sex. That's not easy.
One word - "barley", I think you meant to be "barely"
I was a little confused by "it's not like a I was a virgin when I meant her" which indicated Jake might have a wife/girlfriend. But if so she doesn't appear anywhere else in the story. Maybe expand on this by putting "someone else" in the bed next to him at the end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
How does that line indicate he has a wife/girlfriend? Doesn't it more simply indicate that he had sex before, which is basically what he said?
If so, then what is there to expand on?
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I know that is not easy for writers, we often see things the way our minds would have written things.
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I guess I was confused about who th "her" was. I may have misread this and jumped to the conclusion that Jake was in a long term relationship and that's why he felt guilt over visiting the massage parlor
Comment from L.L. Mccue
A few mistakes...barley should be barely, breast should be plural breasts. Also need a comma after had not allowed him to stop. Need to add as to he that follows comma. All while needs a the for all the while. Besides these minor errors it was a fantastic read, I loved the part where she leads him down to the bath and his mind is racing as he wonders what the cost will be as she locks up. Well done. Good entry for the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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A few mistakes...barley should be barely, breast should be plural breasts. Also need a comma after had not allowed him to stop. Need to add as to he that follows comma. All while needs a the for all the while. Besides these minor errors it was a fantastic read, I loved the part where she leads him down to the bath and his mind is racing as he wonders what the cost will be as she locks up. Well done. Good entry for the contest.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much. Too many mistakes, and I really appreciate all the help in spotting them.
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It was a great idea and well executed, the mistakes were small and easily fixed. Readers are going to love your work!
Comment from GWinterwin
Great story to make the reader excited and wonder what's coming next. Bringing sensuous thoughts to the mind of the reader. Reality seems to make one think of sexual gratification as they read this story.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Great story to make the reader excited and wonder what's coming next. Bringing sensuous thoughts to the mind of the reader. Reality seems to make one think of sexual gratification as they read this story.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from barleygirl
This is a well-told & tastefully-expressed erotic story. The writing is solid & easy to follow. Everything described is believable, if only in some guy's fantasy world. Unusual treatment of this particular prompt & also this doesn't really "look" like sex addition, but it's still a good story. Good luck in the contest.
Couple things I noticed:
"That'll be three hundred for the breaks" (s/b brakes)
"contained in one barley ninety-five pound woman" (s/b barely)
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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This is a well-told & tastefully-expressed erotic story. The writing is solid & easy to follow. Everything described is believable, if only in some guy's fantasy world. Unusual treatment of this particular prompt & also this doesn't really "look" like sex addition, but it's still a good story. Good luck in the contest.
Couple things I noticed:
"That'll be three hundred for the breaks" (s/b brakes)
"contained in one barley ninety-five pound woman" (s/b barely)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much. After the first story of Jake and Li Song, I wanted to show how he is progressing from a simple massage and happy ending to what happened in the baths. In the third tale, we'll see more.