The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "LIFE WITHOUT AXTILLA?"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
18 total reviews
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hi Jay Squires,
Good chapter. Doctrex is on the other side now and wonders how to get back. It will be interesting to find out if he will WANT to get back as the story progress.
I did notice that most of what Doctrex describes is in Earth terms, the flowers, the oak trees, the food, etc. Hmmm... is the reader to assume that is where he is or are these items simply LIKE the ones on Earth?
Here are a couple of little things I noticed.
Where is the Kojutake? Where (is) the dirty, yellow fog, the Pomnots...
Now I had her. (")Then, don't you think you'd better...
Will Doctrex return or will he find a way to bring Axtilla to the other side? Guess we will find out. I enjoyed reading this chapter. ;) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Hi Jay Squires,
Good chapter. Doctrex is on the other side now and wonders how to get back. It will be interesting to find out if he will WANT to get back as the story progress.
I did notice that most of what Doctrex describes is in Earth terms, the flowers, the oak trees, the food, etc. Hmmm... is the reader to assume that is where he is or are these items simply LIKE the ones on Earth?
Here are a couple of little things I noticed.
Where is the Kojutake? Where (is) the dirty, yellow fog, the Pomnots...
Now I had her. (")Then, don't you think you'd better...
Will Doctrex return or will he find a way to bring Axtilla to the other side? Guess we will find out. I enjoyed reading this chapter. ;) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thank you, Chris, for the heads up on the dropped quote mark and the vanishing "is". Corrections made. About the language thing, it will be explained later -- I believe in three chapters.
Thanks again.
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Hey, no problem. Now Jay, I hope you don't think I am too critical... but that's my job... sorta. ;)
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On the contrary, I expect you to be critical! That's what you're here for. I'm here to say, "That Chris doesn't know what he/she (sorry I don't know) is talking about," pouting a bit, then making the suggested changes.
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visit my home page... I'm a hee hee hee
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You know, Chris. I forget each time. I remember watching the video of the Canadian folk singer after your one posts and I had you and your gender locked in then. Go figure. Call it creeping age. Jung says when you get older you take on the traits (and some physical similarities) of the opposite gender. I'm 74, so the good news is I still don't have my wife's abilities not to forget anything -- ever! So... though my memory's faulty, it's proof that I'm still 100 percent all man and haven't started my descent down that slippery slope toward the feminine. LOL. See ya!
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. I read and review because I am curious. This makes me curious, to read until the end, to read the next chapter.
I like the premise in this story. It is nicely done and has just enough tension to keep me reading.
Those that scan for length, they miss gems and miss the opportunity to 'sink their teeth' into a story. Personally the longer the better, are we not writers, are we not lovers of the word...
Write long, my friend, write long and let us journey with you.
Thanks for the notes...it does help refresh my poor aging brain:-)
padumachitta
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Hi. I read and review because I am curious. This makes me curious, to read until the end, to read the next chapter.
I like the premise in this story. It is nicely done and has just enough tension to keep me reading.
Those that scan for length, they miss gems and miss the opportunity to 'sink their teeth' into a story. Personally the longer the better, are we not writers, are we not lovers of the word...
Write long, my friend, write long and let us journey with you.
Thanks for the notes...it does help refresh my poor aging brain:-)
padumachitta
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Thanks and many blessings to you, padumachitta, for your kind words and encouragement, especially for the longer chapters. Glad to have you aboard!
Comment from GWHARGIS
There is something very creepy about Klea. She is either a real girl who has been taken over or is hosting another entity or she is not right in the head or has powers. She seemed to be the compass for the entire family's emotions. I really enjoyed the moment away from Axtilla. I like her character but this time Doctrex had to figure things out all by himself with o one to give him info. He had to fly blind. Great chapter, sorry I'm out of sixes.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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There is something very creepy about Klea. She is either a real girl who has been taken over or is hosting another entity or she is not right in the head or has powers. She seemed to be the compass for the entire family's emotions. I really enjoyed the moment away from Axtilla. I like her character but this time Doctrex had to figure things out all by himself with o one to give him info. He had to fly blind. Great chapter, sorry I'm out of sixes.
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Yes, Gretchen, Klea is a strange one. I'm glad you like Doctrex's journey on his own for a while.
Comment from Leonardo Wild
Hi Jay,
This chapter moves smoothly and flows nicely.
Here some suggestions:
--cold," she said . "The s...
>>cold," she sai . "The s..<<
Extra space.
-- her someplace. Can you do that? I ...
>> her someplace. Can you do that? I ...<<
Extra space.
--"Ah-ha!" Now I had her. Then, don't you think y...
>>"Ah-ha!" Now I had her. "Then, don't you think y...<<
-- I'll push you through"
>> I'll push you through."<<
--"What shall we play? Do you know find out where I hide?
>>"What shall we play? Do you know find out where I hide?"<<
--flowers. It had to be somewh...
>>flowers. It had to be somewh...<<
Two extra spaces.
--"Oh, no, no, no! Please, ...
I would use only two no's.
--It's small and modest, but there's love within these walls."
"That I can tell, sir." And I could. The house was immaculate. The hardwood floors glistened. A fresh bouquet of flowers was in a vase on the kitchen table; the fragrance filled the room. A black pot bubbled on the stove. I knew there was a bed to my right and to the rear, and that it was occupied, but I chose to keep my eyes averted from that direction until the introductions were completed.
Good description on why there is love within these walls. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Hi Jay,
This chapter moves smoothly and flows nicely.
Here some suggestions:
--cold," she said . "The s...
>>cold," she sai . "The s..<<
Extra space.
-- her someplace. Can you do that? I ...
>> her someplace. Can you do that? I ...<<
Extra space.
--"Ah-ha!" Now I had her. Then, don't you think y...
>>"Ah-ha!" Now I had her. "Then, don't you think y...<<
-- I'll push you through"
>> I'll push you through."<<
--"What shall we play? Do you know find out where I hide?
>>"What shall we play? Do you know find out where I hide?"<<
--flowers. It had to be somewh...
>>flowers. It had to be somewh...<<
Two extra spaces.
--"Oh, no, no, no! Please, ...
I would use only two no's.
--It's small and modest, but there's love within these walls."
"That I can tell, sir." And I could. The house was immaculate. The hardwood floors glistened. A fresh bouquet of flowers was in a vase on the kitchen table; the fragrance filled the room. A black pot bubbled on the stove. I knew there was a bed to my right and to the rear, and that it was occupied, but I chose to keep my eyes averted from that direction until the introductions were completed.
Good description on why there is love within these walls. Well done.
Comment Written 01-May-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
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Hey, eagle eye Leo, thanks for reading and spotting the nits. You are one of my favorite reviewers. I appreciate you, friend!
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Hey, eagle eye Leo, thanks for reading and spotting the nits. You are one of my favorite reviewers. I appreciate you, friend!
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Yer welcome, Jay. You got an interesting story with an interesting cast of characters. What is your target audience, by the way?
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My target market would be young adult. I tried to keep my swearing to a minimum since my wife set aside my paperback books for my grandchildren until they are adults, owing to the swearwords. It was a mystery/thriller and I used a lot of street language in it. The Trining will be suitable to all people old enough to understand it.
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That's what I thought it was, just making sure I got that right. It does feel like a YA.
Comment from Tina Concetta
Wow, great chapter. You really pulled me in and now I'm curious. I'm going to have to find time to go back to Chapter One and read from the beginning. The chapter moves really well. I'm wondering how Axtilla is doing down there all by herself, but find myself intrigued with little Sarisa who is desperate for a playmate and seems so different inside the house than she was outside. Also wondering what's up with this Metra. Hope I get to see her act up. I want to know what her story is. This was a really good read and I'm glad you had the previous chapter summary, but the Index WAS very helpful. I know what you mean about using up your "wordcount" on it though. Too bad FanStory didn't have a separate section we could use for that because I know people are afraid of too many words to read and pass things up. Doesn't bother me, cause I love a good story... and this sounds like a great adventure... I'll be tuning in. Great job. It was a good read. Thanks.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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Wow, great chapter. You really pulled me in and now I'm curious. I'm going to have to find time to go back to Chapter One and read from the beginning. The chapter moves really well. I'm wondering how Axtilla is doing down there all by herself, but find myself intrigued with little Sarisa who is desperate for a playmate and seems so different inside the house than she was outside. Also wondering what's up with this Metra. Hope I get to see her act up. I want to know what her story is. This was a really good read and I'm glad you had the previous chapter summary, but the Index WAS very helpful. I know what you mean about using up your "wordcount" on it though. Too bad FanStory didn't have a separate section we could use for that because I know people are afraid of too many words to read and pass things up. Doesn't bother me, cause I love a good story... and this sounds like a great adventure... I'll be tuning in. Great job. It was a good read. Thanks.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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Tina, you are so kind with your comments. I feel privleged that you are jumping aboard. There are going to be lots of twists and turns as this progresses. Thanks again.
Comment from nelliesellie
I appreciate the glossary. It helps me understand this world. The field of flowers seem to have some meaning. The older daughter has some kind of power. I am anxious to read more. Great work.
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reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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I appreciate the glossary. It helps me understand this world. The field of flowers seem to have some meaning. The older daughter has some kind of power. I am anxious to read more. Great work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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Yes, I fought the glossary tooth and nail. But the teeth and nails won. Thanks, Nellie (?). I am happy you stopped by.
Comment from c_lucas
I thought there was no life forces outside the bubble except dark forces. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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I thought there was no life forces outside the bubble except dark forces. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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Yes, I thought there was nothing but dark forces, too. But, then he went through and you know how that goes, Charlie. I go wherever the voices take me. LOL, thanks for the read.
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from Loren (7)
As a member of the requesting "Fanstonians" I thank you for the inclusive Glossary of Characters and Terms. I must admit I find this genre of writing a challenge and it might take me a bit to catch up and catch on. Loren
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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As a member of the requesting "Fanstonians" I thank you for the inclusive Glossary of Characters and Terms. I must admit I find this genre of writing a challenge and it might take me a bit to catch up and catch on. Loren
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2014
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Well, thank you, Loren. If you read my Author Notes (well, you had to have) you know my misgivings. So many people, myself included, see a quarter inch scroll bar to the right and just give up! Thank you for reading this, and -- OMG, I just noticed! giving me a 6er. Bless you!