Graven Images
A lonely man laments the loss of his life-long love...91 total reviews
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
Dean, you have out done yourself, yet a gain with this exceptional piece. I know a lot of times people do not enjoy a long poem. However, you have done it in such a manner that it is an integral part of the story and the poem. Alll the best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Dean, you have out done yourself, yet a gain with this exceptional piece. I know a lot of times people do not enjoy a long poem. However, you have done it in such a manner that it is an integral part of the story and the poem. Alll the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Schalk, and I'd hoped it wasn't too long and that the poem would hold the readers attention. But, that's story poems for ya', they are frequently long.
Thanks again, my friend.
Comment from daeneam
Very well written, my friend! This deserves the All time best! badge. Carving images, sculptures are beautiful works of art for me. So far, I have never worshiped any thing like that. I have a clear disposition that any image I tend to cherish deeply is just a matter of remembering a loved one - just a reminder. No more, no less. Congratulations! c", mae
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Very well written, my friend! This deserves the All time best! badge. Carving images, sculptures are beautiful works of art for me. So far, I have never worshiped any thing like that. I have a clear disposition that any image I tend to cherish deeply is just a matter of remembering a loved one - just a reminder. No more, no less. Congratulations! c", mae
Comment Written 23-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thanks for your wonderful, complimentary review and six stars, daeneam. I truly appreciate it!
Comment from TheWriteTeach
This is excellent, Dean. I found this to be a very moving piece. You carefully, and expertly, chose your words to tug at the heart strings and play on one's emotions. The unused pillow at his side in the very first stanza set the tone of this piece, at least for me. Although not exactly the same, the unused pillow at his side was reminiscent of the used pillow at the side of Homer's dead body in Faulkner's A Rose for Emily. My heart bled for the old man languishing for his dead wife. He reminded me of Bronte's Heathcliff, from Wuthering Heights, who also agonized over the death of his true love, and was only happy when he was able to join her in death. Every line you wrote, in every stanza, fed into the old man's grief and increased his sadness. You didn't let up until the old man's release at his death. Absolutely superb. Good luck in the contest - this is a contender for sure.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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This is excellent, Dean. I found this to be a very moving piece. You carefully, and expertly, chose your words to tug at the heart strings and play on one's emotions. The unused pillow at his side in the very first stanza set the tone of this piece, at least for me. Although not exactly the same, the unused pillow at his side was reminiscent of the used pillow at the side of Homer's dead body in Faulkner's A Rose for Emily. My heart bled for the old man languishing for his dead wife. He reminded me of Bronte's Heathcliff, from Wuthering Heights, who also agonized over the death of his true love, and was only happy when he was able to join her in death. Every line you wrote, in every stanza, fed into the old man's grief and increased his sadness. You didn't let up until the old man's release at his death. Absolutely superb. Good luck in the contest - this is a contender for sure.
Suzanne
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thanks for such a detailed review, Suzanne. I loved Wuthering Heights, both the book as well as the movie. Although I always enjoy the books far more than the movies associated with them.
Again, thank you for taking the time to read and review this for me. It's appreciated.
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Agreed, the books are always far better than the movie.
Comment from DALLAS01
I love the way your stories just poetically unfold down the page interspersed with the perfect art work. Such a sad tale. Appreciate the author notes. Very considerate.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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I love the way your stories just poetically unfold down the page interspersed with the perfect art work. Such a sad tale. Appreciate the author notes. Very considerate.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thanks very much, DALLAS, both for the kind review and six stars. Both are sincerely appreciated.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Dean, this is a superbly crafted poem. Your rhymes, for the most part, are very effective and you tell an emotionally stirring tale, as always. I have one suggestion below, but since I am not a poet, feel free to disregard.
'yet, quiet in his bed he ('ll) stay...
:) Bev
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Dean, this is a superbly crafted poem. Your rhymes, for the most part, are very effective and you tell an emotionally stirring tale, as always. I have one suggestion below, but since I am not a poet, feel free to disregard.
'yet, quiet in his bed he ('ll) stay...
:) Bev
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thanks for that suggestion and the review, Bev. I do like that, I'll change it right now.
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You're welcome, Dean, as always. Glad it sounded okay to you.
Bev
Comment from Spitfire
What a beautiful and haunting love story. And yet that supernatural element you can't resist.
A wall of vaporous, murky gloom
lifts silently from musty tomb.
Nice foreshadowing"
The mantle clock chimes out alarms
eyes open wide; his outstretched arms
remove it from its resting place
the second hand retains its pace...
I read so much into this particular stanza.
I'll never look at statues the same way again. :-)
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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What a beautiful and haunting love story. And yet that supernatural element you can't resist.
A wall of vaporous, murky gloom
lifts silently from musty tomb.
Nice foreshadowing"
The mantle clock chimes out alarms
eyes open wide; his outstretched arms
remove it from its resting place
the second hand retains its pace...
I read so much into this particular stanza.
I'll never look at statues the same way again. :-)
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Ha ha, that's the idea, Shari.
Thanks so much for the wonderful review and six stars, my friend. This started out life as a horror poem, but became something else along the way.
Comment from Angel Debbie
It is funny I read this as I have seen this happen with an elderly couple and their dog. First he dies of Cancer in the home, two days later she died of heart failure they think and two days after her death was their dogs death. all within 6 days this all happened.
What a write to read and memories within revived.
Thank You for sharing this write.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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It is funny I read this as I have seen this happen with an elderly couple and their dog. First he dies of Cancer in the home, two days later she died of heart failure they think and two days after her death was their dogs death. all within 6 days this all happened.
What a write to read and memories within revived.
Thank You for sharing this write.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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So, they made a family affair of death. Very interesting, but sad.
Thanks for taking the time to read and review this for me, Angel. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Very sad. I liked the style of this poem. Very Poe-esque. It was suspenseful and still there was the tiniest hint of something unearthly coming into play. Great imagery. Well done
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Very sad. I liked the style of this poem. Very Poe-esque. It was suspenseful and still there was the tiniest hint of something unearthly coming into play. Great imagery. Well done
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, GWHARGIS. I get such a thrill when someone mentions Poe in relation to my work. I'm a huge study of both Poe's prose and poetry. Poe was a genius.
Thanks so much again.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is hauntingly harmonious and exquisitely penned from beginning to end. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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This is hauntingly harmonious and exquisitely penned from beginning to end. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, Monica. I truly appreciate that.
Comment from Just2Write
An excellent story in a poem, Dean. Your quatrains are strong and the image is powerful. Would that we could just join the one who left us - yet things rarely do work out that way. There is such a sadness in your write, and yet - the ending brought piece. Nice use of the clock to measure where the man's life was in relationship to that of his wife's passing.
Rose.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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An excellent story in a poem, Dean. Your quatrains are strong and the image is powerful. Would that we could just join the one who left us - yet things rarely do work out that way. There is such a sadness in your write, and yet - the ending brought piece. Nice use of the clock to measure where the man's life was in relationship to that of his wife's passing.
Rose.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much for your outstanding insights and review, Rose. I truly appreciate those six stars as well. It's always a pleasure to receive a visit from you.
Thanks again, my friend.