The Dare
Werewolf story19 total reviews
Comment from dennis0530
Sometimes a dare is just too good to be refused. Accepting it adds to one's self-pride, and then there's the respect from the group. Things we couldn't do on our own becomes a delightful task.
This writing thrills and entertains. The illustration is eerily beautiful and shrouded with a mysterious aura.
1n the first line, "keep assaulted" is awkward. I should be either only "assaulted" or "kept assaulting."
"teeth barred" - should be BARED
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Sometimes a dare is just too good to be refused. Accepting it adds to one's self-pride, and then there's the respect from the group. Things we couldn't do on our own becomes a delightful task.
This writing thrills and entertains. The illustration is eerily beautiful and shrouded with a mysterious aura.
1n the first line, "keep assaulted" is awkward. I should be either only "assaulted" or "kept assaulting."
"teeth barred" - should be BARED
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Thank you sharing your insights and the kind comments. I appreciate you pointing out the two errors so that I can correct them. I changed "barred" to "bared" as you suggested. I did mean for it to be the castle's keep (left off the 's) and I see how "keep" could look like a verb instead of noun in that sentence--a very awkward verb. I changed the sentence so it is reads
The smell of the dank and ancient castle's keep assaulted my nostrils?
Hopefully, that makes more sense. Funny how it is easy to miss your own mistakes even when you read it over and over.
Thank you!
Comment from nelliesellie
The werewolf lived along, but not for long. A foolish girl entered his lair. He probably got rid of her friends. The girl will have to count on him now. There s room in the castle for two. Great work. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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The werewolf lived along, but not for long. A foolish girl entered his lair. He probably got rid of her friends. The girl will have to count on him now. There s room in the castle for two. Great work. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the kind comments and good luck wishes. I appreciate it.
Comment from Novice2012
I know I already wrote a review for this...but I'll write it again. There were a few mistakes...but over all, I liked it. I thought the story line was good and engrossing. I could have continued to read it all night if it was a book. It was easy to read and well done. I personally would give it six stars if not for the mistakes. But no body's perfect...so I will. Good Job!!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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I know I already wrote a review for this...but I'll write it again. There were a few mistakes...but over all, I liked it. I thought the story line was good and engrossing. I could have continued to read it all night if it was a book. It was easy to read and well done. I personally would give it six stars if not for the mistakes. But no body's perfect...so I will. Good Job!!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Wow! This is such a nice review. I appreciate the six stars! Even more I appreciate your comments--that you could have continued to read it all night.... I love hearing that.
I'll do a closer reading to find the errors. Strange how hard it can be to see the mistakes even after you read it over and over.
Again, thank you! You made my day!
Comment from Judy Couch
Wow! This story is great. I love it. I was totally absorbed in it until the end when my imagination took over and carried me to the next scene. This would be a wonderful beginning for a book.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Wow! This story is great. I love it. I was totally absorbed in it until the end when my imagination took over and carried me to the next scene. This would be a wonderful beginning for a book.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the six stars and the exceptional review. I love hearing that it caught your imagination and took you to the next scene. What an exciting compliment. Thank you! Your really brightened my day in more ways than one.
Comment from BlueFlag
Good luck in the contest
And it was very good
Worthy of my 5 star review
Good going
Grab some ribbons at the door might make entry stronger...
Go for it!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Good luck in the contest
And it was very good
Worthy of my 5 star review
Good going
Grab some ribbons at the door might make entry stronger...
Go for it!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the good luck wishes and the generous stars. I appreciate it.
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your welcome
Comment from NomaFaith
I liked everything about this story. It drew me in and made me want to read more. You made the story realistic and exciting. Now I'm curios about if and when she turns. You could add to this story. Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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I liked everything about this story. It drew me in and made me want to read more. You made the story realistic and exciting. Now I'm curios about if and when she turns. You could add to this story. Well done.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much for the review, NomaFaith. I didn't really expect one since I don't have this listed. I am delighted that you liked it. I appreciate the encouraging comments. I might have do as you suggest and consider where the story goes from here.
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Your welcome. I'll be looking for more.
Comment from adewpearl
You set the stage dramatically in your opening lines
excellent sensory appeal
Good use of questions to contribute to the mood of mystery
excellent dialogue
prickle/grab/startle - excellent choice of high-impact action verbs throughout
What an eerie ending as the narrator asks that question...
Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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You set the stage dramatically in your opening lines
excellent sensory appeal
Good use of questions to contribute to the mood of mystery
excellent dialogue
prickle/grab/startle - excellent choice of high-impact action verbs throughout
What an eerie ending as the narrator asks that question...
Brooke
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thank you, Brooke. I appreciate the review, even though the piece is not active and you do not get much in points or fanstory money. You are so sweet. I appreciate the encouragement.
I think I'm going to start putting "p.s. I have nothing active" so you know it is okay to skip a reciprocal review. I just like reading and studying what you write so I can learn to improve my own writing.
Debi
Comment from AAud
Great opening - you included all the senses in your description. I also liked the dare that she had to count the dungeon cells and that the man/werewolf in the cell told her the number.
One tiny typo: "I begin to wonder" - since up until then the narration was past tense, it should be "I (began) to wonder"
The story had a good, eerie feel to it. And I enjoyed the clever twist - it almost seemed like she got out unscathed until she realized the werewolf had broken her skin. Cool!
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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Great opening - you included all the senses in your description. I also liked the dare that she had to count the dungeon cells and that the man/werewolf in the cell told her the number.
One tiny typo: "I begin to wonder" - since up until then the narration was past tense, it should be "I (began) to wonder"
The story had a good, eerie feel to it. And I enjoyed the clever twist - it almost seemed like she got out unscathed until she realized the werewolf had broken her skin. Cool!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the analysis and kind comments. I appreciate the SPAG alert too. I don't know how many times I've read this and did not catch that one little letter that change the tense. Thank you for pointing it out so I could fix it.
I am so happy you liked it.
Comment from Nosha17
I am not too fond of supernatural stories, especially not werewolves, but it wasn't too scary! Well written narrative and descriptions, Good dialogue and characterisations. Enjoyable read and good luck in the contest. Faye
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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I am not too fond of supernatural stories, especially not werewolves, but it wasn't too scary! Well written narrative and descriptions, Good dialogue and characterisations. Enjoyable read and good luck in the contest. Faye
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thank you for the excellent review, Faye. I'm glad it wasn't too scary and that you enjoyed it. Who could ask for more. Thank you for kind comments about the writing and the good luck wishes too.