Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

I've seen it a million times or more, and a few times during my own high school football playing days. A young, gifted athlete, one with so much hope and promise, flush it all away by using prescription drugs, alcohol, illegal drugs (like marijuana or performance enhancement drugs like anabolic steroids), or by refusing to demonstrate true effort and heart. Cee seems headed down that same dark path, and if the coach pulls her from this game, a game in which a Tennessee Vols scout is there just to watch her, than it just might be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back. Sad, but it happens way too often.

Great writing, boxergirl. Keep it up!

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014

Thanks, Dean. I appreciate your encouraging comments. 8-)

reply by Dean Kuch on 12-Jul-2014

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Comment from Fridayauthor

Excellent

Very interesting story line and well written. The final sentence certainly moves the reader to want more. The dialog is also nicely done.

Only a couple of points, either overly picky of one person's opinion.

I thought Dad was far too blase, sort of..."Oh,, by the way... about the scout from one of the premier colleges in the country coming to her game. This is off the chart news, isn't it?

There are a couple of places where I'd like to see un needed words cut...

She did a 180 degree turn and walked ...
She did a 180 and walked...
Her move is abrupt, so stated abruptly is stronger

pursing her lips together tightly
pursing her lips
That's what "pursing" means.

Thank you. Nice posting.

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014

Thanks so much! Just the kind of help I am looking for in a review!! 8-)

Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

It's too bad basketball isn't fun for her any more. Could the pressure be contributing to the attitude? Cynthia seems like she's smart enough to figure out conceit and turning on the attitude isn't the best way to make friends.

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014

I think she's under a lot pressure. Maybe from her dad or maybe just herself. Thanks for reviewing.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I am wondering if Cynthia is going to be benched tonight. She deserves it until she figures out how to be a team playing. The Lady Vols! One of the best college girls basketball teams. Good of writing.

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014

You may be on to something. :-) Thanks for your review.

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

Ooh you have my curiosity up - this story could go many different ways. I don't usually review stories but now you've captured my attention - I don't want to miss any of it.
Teresa

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 Comment Written 12-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014

Thanks, Teresa. I'm happy you are reading it and I hope I don't disappoint. It is a work in progress. 8-)

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

Now we're really getting into the meat of the story after your fine introduction in part one. I can see nothing but more trouble ahead for your protagonist thanks to your excellent characterization. Lots of young folks out there thinking like Cin. Looking forward to reading more, BG.

:) Bev

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 Comment Written 12-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 12-Jul-2014

Thanks, Bev. It is a work in progress. 8-)

reply by Writingfundimension on 12-Jul-2014

I think you're doing great! :)