Comment from Ridley Williams

Exceptional

Hello Dean,
Loved the metaphoric meaning of the "Tormenting vessel", and the muses ability to except the emotional pain that goes along with such territory. The third stanza portrays this thought clearly, enhanced, as it was, by solid rhyme and meter. Actually, the whole poem read great! I loved the strong imagery and background sounds. I missed them when they stopped! Lol.
I appreciated the ending, with its message of moving on to a new horizon. It is within our power to change our chosen course, if we so desire. Wonderful thought!
Nice job with this one, Dean, I really enjoyed it... later, Bill

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

My gosh, it's the Flying Dutchman with Coleridge hot on his heels. This time I expected your sound effects. I like this
bit of squareknotting.

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014

Comment from drivenbackward

Excellent

Man, I could never write poetry like this. You're lucky to have been given multiple writing talents. So well written, and so true. I was laid off last night, which really sucks, and I can relate. I'd like to think that it's always darkest before dawn, but I was happy with the previous dawn.

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014

Comment from Patrick G Cox

Excellent

Hi Dean Kuch,

Certainly a spectacular image to go with the poem. The message of a loss of direction or control is a good one.

One suggestion for you -

Tormenting vessel, thou beckons me... just reads very awkwardly. I would suggest that if you want to use the old informal address 'thou' then you need to write this as -

Tormenting vessel, thou beckonest me ... or ...

Tormenting vessel, thou calleth me ...

Thee, thy, thou are the informal address form of you, your, you no longer used in modern English where we now all use just the 'formal address' you, etc. (The equivalent in German is we address friends 'informally with 'du', and acquaintances as 'Sie'. Thee, thy and thou fell out of use once people started to move into shops, offices and factories and no longer worked in small close communities - since everyone had to be 'formal' alöl the time, they simply dropped the 'informal' speech. A pity, in my view, since thee, thy, thou has a much nicer feel.

Patrick

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 31-Jul-2014

Thanks so much for weighing in on that, Patrick, and I appreciate your opinions and excellent assessment of this writing. I'll try to look into changing that. As this is a poem transposed over a picture and not just a matter of simply going in and altering the text, it may take me some time to do do.

I also agree with what you say about our language as well. I too feel it to be a pity.

Thanks so much again, my friend. I truly appreciate it.

Comment from Jim Lorson Sr

Excellent

You know Dean, I can relate to this most excellent piece of poetry and the message that exists within.

If you have noticed, it has been since April I have posted anything. Dean, I have entered a very dark place. A place that beckons me to end this meaningless life. I resist because of my faith in the Lord. The physical issues have been worsening a little at a time. My mind gets muddled and when I start to compose a poem, I get lost. I have dropped 150 spots in reviewing because there are times I can't understand or figure out the context of what has been written.

I apologize for my not reviewing your poems. Dean, you are an excellent author in many different forms. I wish you great success for future endeavors.

Once again Dean, this is very well written,,,,,,,,Jim

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 31-Jul-2014

Thank you, Jim, my dear friend, and I am so e very sorry to hear that. This poem was brought about by some very discouraging news I'd received from my cardiologist last Wednesday. I know I am not long for this world much longer. However, you and I take take solace in the fact that we love God, and He us. He promised us a mansion in Paradise, and I will remain in His favor as best I can to attain that goal. Poetry for me is a therapy of sorts, as I am sure it is for you.

So, take heart, my friend. We're bound for Paradise, you & I. And I will see you and know you when we get there, I have no doubt.

As for writing, just write about what terrifies you most, or drag those innermost fears out of the shadows of your ming, and put them down in words. That always seems to break the ice for me, and gets my creative juices going again. It just might work for you as well.

God bless, Jim, and you'll be in my prayers.

~Dean

Comment from amada

Exceptional

I like paintings, music and things like that. This poem conveys very well those feelings. This ship, this image, this sound. The feeling is thrilling!

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014

Comment from forestport12

Exceptional

"Drops of black orchids."Sweet silence swoons for me."Soft twilgiht whispers dusk away." Where do I begin and end? You have done an amazing job of stringing words together with verbage unlike anyone. You created the right mood, a sense of time and place is felt by the reader. Stan

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

This is a fascinating and fun poem to read complete with picture and background sounds. So sorry I am out of sixes as this truly deserves one. Your vivid imagery transports the reader right on the Ghost Ship with you. Well done Dean.


Blessings
Janet

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014

Comment from Writingfundimension

Excellent

I just love these PictaPoems, Dean. I find the background sounds add a fascinating layer to the words. Leave it to you to keep things fresh and creative! :) Bev

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014

Comment from NurseBarb

Exceptional

Such a well deserved six star poem Dean. You really outdid yourself with this one. The metaphors you use to describe one feelings is stunning and quite amazing. The audio compliments it so well and makes you feel like you are on this vessel. I only dream of being able to write like this.

 Comment Written 31-Jul-2014