The Gobbledegooks
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Where's Rupert?"Children's Fantasy Poems
53 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow, I thought this was fantasticalaminously wonderful. It contained many large words but when a parent would read that to a child, the child wouldn't feel threatened by it.
Nicely done and a good entry into the contest. John
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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Wow, I thought this was fantasticalaminously wonderful. It contained many large words but when a parent would read that to a child, the child wouldn't feel threatened by it.
Nicely done and a good entry into the contest. John
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2014
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John, thanks a lot for great review and the frabjumptious new word.
Steve
Comment from OLA THOMAS
A very well tailored and well crafted poem for this "When Children Smile contest entry." Done with fine rhyming scheme and fine strings of alliterations which makes the poem a delight as a children poem.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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A very well tailored and well crafted poem for this "When Children Smile contest entry." Done with fine rhyming scheme and fine strings of alliterations which makes the poem a delight as a children poem.
ola thomas
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Ola - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Steve
When I started reading your poem, it was like reading my favourite children's author...Sheree Fitch. Her voice is right there. Well done with this entry, my friend.
This line is my favourite,
"A pirate, a parrot, a ferret, a flea,
Adrift in the boisterous, roisterous sea"
So much fine alliteration!
as in the line,
"A pirate, a parrot, a ferret, a flea"
"rascally, ratbag rapscallion"
"Fandangle-fantabulous falcons in flight"
"A troll on a tricycle trailing a kite"
so many, kids would just love hearing this poem read aloud, I could go on and on.
You have good inner rhymes too, like
"parrot/ferret"
Here's another dandy line,
"Down steep, stony staircases, several flights,
Past suits of old armour from long-ago knights."
You tell a fine story, little Prince Rupert is found, and you have a hero too,
"And there in the corner a cauldron gigantic
Where Hilda leads all of the searchers so frantic.
Right there in the pot-bottom, down in the deep,
Lies little Prince Rupert, still smiling, asleep."
"The servants, excited, give Hilda a cheer -
They name her the scullery-maid of the year."
Fantastic entry!! You could easily make this into a book. An artist would have a blast illustrating this masterpiece.
Congratulations! This poem should do very well in the contest. You've put a lot of work into it.
cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Hi Steve
When I started reading your poem, it was like reading my favourite children's author...Sheree Fitch. Her voice is right there. Well done with this entry, my friend.
This line is my favourite,
"A pirate, a parrot, a ferret, a flea,
Adrift in the boisterous, roisterous sea"
So much fine alliteration!
as in the line,
"A pirate, a parrot, a ferret, a flea"
"rascally, ratbag rapscallion"
"Fandangle-fantabulous falcons in flight"
"A troll on a tricycle trailing a kite"
so many, kids would just love hearing this poem read aloud, I could go on and on.
You have good inner rhymes too, like
"parrot/ferret"
Here's another dandy line,
"Down steep, stony staircases, several flights,
Past suits of old armour from long-ago knights."
You tell a fine story, little Prince Rupert is found, and you have a hero too,
"And there in the corner a cauldron gigantic
Where Hilda leads all of the searchers so frantic.
Right there in the pot-bottom, down in the deep,
Lies little Prince Rupert, still smiling, asleep."
"The servants, excited, give Hilda a cheer -
They name her the scullery-maid of the year."
Fantastic entry!! You could easily make this into a book. An artist would have a blast illustrating this masterpiece.
Congratulations! This poem should do very well in the contest. You've put a lot of work into it.
cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Kimbob. I did enjoy writing this and was hoping it would be well received. It is kind of a sequel to another piece simply called 'Gobbledegooks'. And yes, both of them are just crying out for an illustrator with the right sort of quirky imagination.
I have promised myself that this is the year to get something published (or at least started in the process) and here we are almost in September already and I have still to do anything about it...
You don't happen to know any friendly publishers do you?
Steve
PS Your piece deserves to be much higher up in the vote!
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That's okay, Steve. I'm happy with the poem. I received 6 six-star reviews among the 24 so far. One more, and I'll get a "All Time Best". I don't get many of those puppies. You are doing well...my vote made 9 for you. It's an excellent children's poem, and needs to be in a book. There must be a publisher who'd jump on it.
cheers
Kimbob
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is a cute poem, kiwisteveh, you did an excellent job with alliteration and rhythm, a lyrical and fantastical write. I enjoyed reading it, bats in the belfry, haven't heard that in a long time. I only have dust mites in mine. smile. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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this is a cute poem, kiwisteveh, you did an excellent job with alliteration and rhythm, a lyrical and fantastical write. I enjoyed reading it, bats in the belfry, haven't heard that in a long time. I only have dust mites in mine. smile. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the kind words. I had fun with this as you can probably tell.
Steve
Comment from Judy Couch
This is really cute. I enjoyed all the make believe words. Sounds a lot like Dr. Seuss. I think maybe some of the real words are too long and complicated for little kids but on the other hand, if the can deal with the make believe words, they'll probably be able to figure out the real words.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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This is really cute. I enjoyed all the make believe words. Sounds a lot like Dr. Seuss. I think maybe some of the real words are too long and complicated for little kids but on the other hand, if the can deal with the make believe words, they'll probably be able to figure out the real words.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Judy.
Yes, I never worry about using big words in children's verse - as another reviewer has pointed out, it's how they learn and I believe the story is strong enough to carry them along even if they don't understand words like 'tatterdemalion' - one of my favourites and I didn't even have to make it up!
Steve
Comment from ravenblack
Holy frabjulous collision of Roald Dahl, Jabberwocky and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Great alliteration that zings and sings to the ears reminding me to hear as a child, a great work of nonsense that makes sense and a light-heated message that class differences really do not matter. You made me smile, you should have no trouble getting kids to laugh.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Holy frabjulous collision of Roald Dahl, Jabberwocky and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Great alliteration that zings and sings to the ears reminding me to hear as a child, a great work of nonsense that makes sense and a light-heated message that class differences really do not matter. You made me smile, you should have no trouble getting kids to laugh.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thank you - I had started on what was just a fun descriptive piece with lots of those frabjulous words when I discovered the contest actually asked for a story, so I had to work around that requirement. Not a bad result if I say so myself.
Steve
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It is still a story- very Monty Python. And very good.
Comment from Linda England Bonam
What an adorable childrens poem. It was fun to read, as an adult, and I am sure it will make children smile, so it will be a good one for the contest!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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What an adorable childrens poem. It was fun to read, as an adult, and I am sure it will make children smile, so it will be a good one for the contest!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Linda.
Steve
Comment from RodG
Well, I am no child, but you made me smile and chuckle throughout this whimsical tale. I love the made up words and your use of playful rhymes. And the chase was vividly narrated. A wonderful poem children should love!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Well, I am no child, but you made me smile and chuckle throughout this whimsical tale. I love the made up words and your use of playful rhymes. And the chase was vividly narrated. A wonderful poem children should love!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Rod, thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from mfowler
This is wonderful children's verse, Steve. My students would love it. Apart from the fun setting and the constant action perpetuated by your rousing rhythm, its the preponderance of perfectly funny words that would have the kids zipping along with fun. Who wouldn't enjoy lines like:
Then midst all the hubbub, the hoo-ha and fizz,
A wee voice starts singing, "I know where he is!"
Great use of simple/suitable rhyme, inserted speech, and excellent meter, this is pure kid's theatre.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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This is wonderful children's verse, Steve. My students would love it. Apart from the fun setting and the constant action perpetuated by your rousing rhythm, its the preponderance of perfectly funny words that would have the kids zipping along with fun. Who wouldn't enjoy lines like:
Then midst all the hubbub, the hoo-ha and fizz,
A wee voice starts singing, "I know where he is!"
Great use of simple/suitable rhyme, inserted speech, and excellent meter, this is pure kid's theatre.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the great review - you can probably tell I had lots of fun writing this - still a kid myself, you see.
Steve
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Steve,
This deserves far more than the meagre six stars available. It is right up there or even higher than Dr Seuss, Kipling and Carrol in its mtre, rhyme and use of such gorgeous phrasing as
boisterous, roisterous sea
and
rascally, ratbag rapscallion.
all guaranteed to grab kids attention (They certainly got mine). I do hope you win!!!
By the way, I see from your profile you are back with the long white cloud. Nice to be home? Particularly after that last match. Grrrrrrrr....
Reg
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Dear Steve,
This deserves far more than the meagre six stars available. It is right up there or even higher than Dr Seuss, Kipling and Carrol in its mtre, rhyme and use of such gorgeous phrasing as
boisterous, roisterous sea
and
rascally, ratbag rapscallion.
all guaranteed to grab kids attention (They certainly got mine). I do hope you win!!!
By the way, I see from your profile you are back with the long white cloud. Nice to be home? Particularly after that last match. Grrrrrrrr....
Reg
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Reg, thanks for the wonderful review and the six stars - both appreciated. Those who like this like it a lot which I take as a good sign.
You're a little behind with your profile reading - we have been back in NZ for 30 months! Trying to avoid starving while doing up our little old cottage, managing a veg garden and feeding a mess of voracious animals...
Always good to hear from you.
Steve